Stellaq

To Vivian, 2.4

2012-02-06T20:59:00.000-05:00

My favorite thing to do now is to just sit and have a conversation with you. That is pretty crazy for "two and a quarter" as you like to tell people you are now. In fact, today at the grocery store a woman asked you if you were two and you answered, "no. I two and a quarter." You have so many interesting and adorable things to say and it is just so much fun to talk to you.

Sometimes (like this morning since Daddy was out of town) when you wake up, I bring you into bed and we cuddle and talk. It isn't really fair when I do this when Daddy is around (since he gets to sleep late-ish every other day) but since he wasn't there this morning, no problem. You were very cuddly and affectionate (as you always are) and you sang songs and told me stories. Your favorite songs these days are made up songs based on books we read and the movie Matilda. So, for example, when I put you to bed at night, you don't want to hear "You Can't Ride in My Red Wagon" or "You Are My Sunshine." You want "Olivia and the Missing Toy" "Olivia Saves the Circus" and "Matilda". This is quite a labor intensive activity as I have to make up the song and the tune but it is fun to do. And this morning it was super fun to listen to you sing Matilda. That movie has also taught you the expression "little twit" and you sometimes will come up to me or Dad or Stella and say something like "what are you doing you little twit" which we probably shouldn't encourage but which really makes us laugh.

It is now a week since I wrote all that and I am continuing this letter to you finally. I feel like I am not doing a great job keeping up this blog which weighs on me because I can't stand the thought that I am not going to remember every single detail of amazing you. But I know how it is. The things that seem so vivid and memorable somehow disappear from the mind. But each day with you I think to myself, "Oh please burn this into my brain forever so I can remember how happy I am right at this moment and how off the charts adorable and amazing Vivian is." Seriously. Best Two Year Old EVER.

So here are some things that I might forget if I don't write them down:
You hate to say goodbye. Not just to me which would be understandable, of course. But pretty much to everyone. Like last month at the circus, when the little girl who was in the show and then did the trapeze at the end waved goodbye (along with all the clowns), you buried your head in my shoulder and cried your eyes out. But you cry when it is time to say goodbye to Grandma and Grandpa. And you also cry when Ranny leaves sometimes. The other night you were really sad after she left and I took you on my lap at the dinner table and was explaining to you how Ranny comes when Mommy and Daddy have to go to work and then when Mommy and Daddy are home, Ranny leaves. You looked up at me with sad eyes and said, "That makes sense."

We play a really fun game these days where I say, "I love ----" and then say something like "Broccoli" and then you will say, "I love Cauliflower". And then as I change categories, you change along with me. I was very impressed with your ability to do this as I said, "I love coffee" and you said, "I love hot chocolate."

You LOVE school and are especially fond of your teacher Natalie who you talk about all the time. But there are days when we are doing something else and you just really want to go to school and when I tell you that we don't have school until Tuesday you get really upset.

You also love to watch movies -- your absolute favorite at the moment is Matilda. You call the mean principal "Ms. Trumpler" instead of Ms. Trunchbull and you especially like to watch the parts where Matilda's dad gets his hat stuck on his head and where "Ms. Trumpler" makes the boy eat a whole chocolate cake. You also love to watch Cats at Grandma and Grandpa's house -- you told me you love the lipstick and the costumes. You have a little teeny tiny lisp (which used to be a big lisp) so it is pretty cute when you say the word "costumes". The other day I was sitting on the couch and you brought me my watch saying, "Here's your lock". I said, "My what?" and you replied, "Your thingie." I guess you knew that you got your words mixed up.

The other day you were singing a song that Stella learned at school and taught you when you got a little mixed up and said, "I don't know the wordses."

When going to sleep, you asks to "Tuck you all in" which means to tightly wrap blankets around you, basically swaddling you. It reminds me of how much you loved to be swaddled for such a long time when you were small. Speaking of when you were small, you do love to tell stories about "When I was a little girl." Often you co-opt stories that actually happened to Stella (like when the dog ate her pizza) or you just make things up. You also insist that all pictures of Stella as a baby (and the one picture we have of me as a baby being held by Grandma Helaine) are actually pictures of you. In addition to "tuck me all in" you also request that we "don't leave the door shut. Leave the door wide open" every single night. And then sometimes you continue to call to me in the living room, "Don't leave the door shut, leave the door wide open" even though the door is already wide open. And the latest is that you ask that I "check on you" after I put Stella to sleep. You still leave off first consonants often so, for example, "Check on me" comes out like "yeck on me."

You worry into the future a bit so, for example, as soon as I start reading "Little Pea" you will ask, "After Little Pea, can we read 'Olivia and the Missing Toy'? Or after we put on "Elmo's Got the Nose" (as you call Elmo's Got the Moves), you will ask, "After Elmo's Got the Nose" can we watch the Letter Carrier?" These days we mostly watch You Tube videos of Sesame Street although few movies do get thrown in there from time to time. The other night, you watched "Treck" for the first time (Shrek) and you loved it. You like to talk about how Shrek is an ogre.

You still make sure to hug/kiss Daddy and Stella before they leave in the morning and before you go to bed at night. You are so loving to everyone and just kind and sweet. You cry a lot whenever I have to leave and it makes it really hard for me to go. I hate to see you sad and the truth is, there is basically nothing I would rather do than just hang out with you. The other day, I explained that I was going to have to go to work in an hour and we were playing then I went into the other room to get something. After a few minutes you called me and I went to see what was up. I found you in your room and you looked a little sad. I asked you what was going on and you answered, 'I just remembered you were leaving." I scooped you up in my arms and gave you zillions of kisses. Sometimes I think it must get a little annoying being kissed so much all the time. But I can't help myself. You are so soft, cuddly and kissable. I never imagined I could have a second daughter and love her this much. But you've expanded my heart a thousandfold and, as you would say, "I love you up to the sky."

Love,
Mama

Moving Day

2011-11-25T22:01:00.000-05:00

After more than five years in our apartment -- and after looking at countless apartments, attending open houses and spending thousands of hours on street easy -- we finally moved into our own home that we own. Tonight is the first night that we are all sleeping here. We moved out of our old apartment three days ago and Daddy and I (mostly Daddy) spent a few frantic days unpacking and organizing things so that they would be ready enough for you guys. You had a couple of night at Grandma and Grandpa's house. We also had Thanksgiving thrown in there. And now we are all home. Our home doesn't have a kitchen yet and we still have loads of boxes, lots of bare lightbulbs, a bathroom sink that doesn't work and a million other issues. But it is home and we are very happy. Tonight we ate pizza on the floor. We'll probably be doing a lot more of that until our kitchen is finished.

Vivian told me tonight, "I love our new apartment. It is so pretty!" This was good to hear because recently whenever I mentioned the new apartment or maybe having to go there, she would immediately cry her eyes out. I think this is because she has spent far too many boring minutes here while I was talking to contractors and painters and trying to make decisions.

When Stella saw the apartment for the first time on Wednesday she said, "I LOVE the color of my room!" which made Daddy and me very happy because choosing a pink that we could live with and that she would love was no easy task.

Stella looked crestfallen when she saw that Vivian's crib was in a different room. They ARE sharing a room although they are sleeping apart for now. It was sweet to see how much Stella really genuinely wants to share a room with her little sister. Nevertheless, I lost Vivian for a moment tonight and I called, "Vivian, where are you?" to which she answered, "I in my room" meaning the room where her crib is. This is going to be confusing.

It is not really a bigger apartment than we had before but it feels like so much more space because of the way it is laid out. I am really excited to make a home for our family. Just in time for the holidays which are my favorite.

A possible new approach to the blog

2011-11-15T22:35:00.000-05:00

I'm so far behind here and so busy getting ready for our move, so I am just going to try to write some shorter entries from time to time so that I don't forget all the super adorable things Vivian is saying and doing every single day now. And all the amazing changes and growth that Stella is experiencing as a Kindergartner. Like Stella can pretty much read now. She told me in a taxi yesterday that she can read. So last night I brought out an I Can Read Book for our nighttime reading. She read it really well. Then she told me she was actually tricking me when she told me she learned to read. But she really has.

And yesterday morning, Vivian opened one of my makeup compacts that has four colors in it. When she peered inside she asked, "Where little thing?" I asked her what she was talking about and she said, "Where pen?" She was looking for the makeup applicators that are in one of my other compacts. She does love to put on make-up.

She has also started carrying her "teptool" (step stool) around with her quite a lot. One day David found her standing on it with her hand in the silverware draw. When he asked her what she was doing she replied, "I getting a 'poon for Luke." All her babies and dolls are called Luke these days. Anyway, she picked out a spoon and then proceeded to pretend feed 'Luke' oatmeal. This evening, as I was reading books to her, she suddenly got up. I asked her where she was going and she told me "to get my teptool so I can turn off the light by myself." It was quite an effort but she pushed her step stool all across the apartment and into her room where she proceeded to turn the light on and off for awhile.

To Vivian, 23 months

2011-08-24T23:48:00.000-04:00

We are in Nantucket now and you seem to be very happy to be living in a house with Grandma Helaine, Grandpa Paul, Steven and Clara. You keep pretty good track of everyone so, for example, if we are hanging out by the pool and Grandma Helaine goes inside, you will ask, "Where Grandma go?"

One morning, you, me and Daddy were all lying in bed together and you started asking for your bottle which you still covet. Daddy said he would go make it and you protested saying "Mommy do it" to which Daddy replied, "What? It's not like I don't know the recipe." You started laughing so hard and repeating, "Daddy doesn't know the recipe. What recipe?" over and over.

Your unbelievable sweetness continues. You give spontaneous kisses which is pretty much the greatest thing ever. And when anyone is leaving, you will run over and give a kiss and then say, "Hug too" and then often follow up with "I love you." You were calling Uncle Steven "Ickoo demon" and he decided to teach you how to say his name so he spent a while with you going "SSSSS- TEVEN". Last night I asked you if I was saying his name right, "Ickoo demon" and you said, "No. Sssssss Ickoo Demon".

The other day we were all in my bedroom and Stella left for a minute. Her shadow was making crazy shapes on the floor and I said, "Oh look, there's a monster in the house." We were playing like this for awhile and when it was all over you told us that you were scared of the monster. Even though we explained over and over that it was just a shadow, it didn't help that much because then you kept saying that you were scared of the shadow. I tried to get you to make a shadow with your hand so you could understand what it was but you didn't want to do it. Then a few days later, we were playing in bed in the morning and your hand was making a shadow on the wall. You were pretty fascinated by it and finally determined, "Shadow not scary."

You are talking so much and I am just amazed by what an incredible communicator you are at not even two years old. One day we were in our new apartment and you dragged me all the way to the kitchen (where there is no food because we don't live there yet) and said, "I hungry!" This was after you swimming class so I bet you really were. We have been having so much fun in swimming, I am really glad I signed up for the class. It is amazing to watch you learn and improve. You are very comfortable in the water. The very first time the teacher said that we were going to dunk our kids under, I was really scared. But we did it and you were totally fine. A lot of other kids were crying but you were okay though you did look completely shocked. Now we practice all the time by saying "Under!" and then taking a big breath and closing our eyes and mouth. We also have a lot of fun in the locker room. You like to hide in the lockers and you are the perfect height to do just that.

When you want to play with something that someone else is using, you will say, "I got it first" even if you didn't. You also declare some things, "Not fair." If you ask for something (ie: mommy's phone) and are told that you can't have it, you will say, "Need Mommy's phone. Really really need it." Sometimes you will just come up to someone -- me or Daddy or Stella -- and ask, "Doin'?" which means "What are you doing?" If we are leaving our apartment and you are a little bit slow and I say, "Goodbye, Vivian" you will quickly reply, "I coming too". When you are hungry you ask for a "'nack" and your favorite foods are still "ruff ries and roly roly." It never ever gets old to hear you say "ravioli". Whenever we take a picture or a video of you, you immediately demand, "Lemme see."

Our nap and nighttime ritual includes reading a few books and then singing songs. I usually hold you for awhile after the books but then I feel you get a little restless in my arms and ask if you want to be put in your crib. You usually say yes but the minute you are in there you demand, "Ting tong!" Your favorites include ABCD, Twinkle twinkle and Frere Jacques. Eventually I will tell you "One more song and that's it" which is something you often repeat to your dolls or even to me.

You love our face painting book and even love face painting which is a totally new thing to me and Daddy. We still usually just paint a little butterfly or something on your arm or foot but once, you really wanted me to make you into a witch. I am not as good at face painting as Daddy. You especially love the tiger in the face painting book and we look at that a lot though you have not yet been a face painted tiger yourself.

You love to sing Happy Birthday which is a good thing since this is our family birthday season. You also love to sing the Hands On Music hello song. One day we were in a taxi and you were singing, "Hello hello, Mommy. Glad today. Hello hello, Daddy. Glad today. Hello hello Stella. Glad today." Then you spotted Stella's water bottle and sang, "Hello hello Stella water. Glad today."

You are a super sweet, delicious, fun little girl who adds so much joy to our family. Thanks a lot.

I love you.

Love,
Mama

To Vivian, 22 months

2011-07-26T22:19:00.000-04:00

This has been a monumental month. We have been marveling at the fact that you are basically a complete person. I mean you lack experience but you can basically do everything now and I can't believe all of the things that a 22 month old is capable of. You are so much fun -- so verbal and conversant and connected. It is really fun to play with you and so easy to make you laugh. Tonight I was singing one of your favorite songs -- the alphabet -- which you call "ABCD". You like me to say things like "C is for Carolyn" "D is for David" "S is for Stella" "V is for Vivian" as I sing it. Tonight, for some reason, I said "P is for peepee" and it made you laugh hysterically. You started singing it too. Your version went something like "Abcdlmnopp" and then you would laugh so hard. You laughed so much you got the hiccups.

You are extremely polite. When you ask for something, you often say "Please". When you receive it, you almost always say "tanks" and when someone else thanks you, you often say "welcome". When you need to pass by someone in the playground or somewhere, you will say "scuse me." And when you do something wrong, you almost always say "sorry" or "sorry 'bout dat." One night, you accidently hit Stella and she started crying. You aplogized many times, "Sorry Tella Win. Sorry Tella Win." Eventually you got up on our coffee table and started dancing as you said it and you ended up making Stella and Daddy laugh so hard. Speaking of Stella Win, you have interestingly started to call your sister by her first and middle name. For a long time, you called her "Lala" -- you still sometimes do, although more often, these days, she is Tella. And then one day, I brought her home from camp and you said, "Hi Mama. Hi Tella Win" and from then on, that is what you called her. We aren't sure where you got this from but we all think it is pretty cute.

You are as attached as ever to Mr. Monkey. And along with him, you sleep with an ever-growing host of other friends including Elmo, Elmo Jr., Mr. Pickles and Pink Bunny. The latter was Stella's and even though she has not looked at it in years, she is a little reluctant to allow you to appropriate it. She has also reclaimed George. You seem okay with that but you really like to have your little crib filled with animal friends. You put them all in a pile and rest your head on them like a pillow. Now when we put you in your crib, you also demand, "Ting Tong" which translates in English to "Sing songs". When it is time for me to leave you so you can fall asleep, you will say, "One more. It." which is your version of "One more and that's it." -- a phrase we use with some frequency around here.

You have developed some pretty profound separation anxiety, or really sadness around having to say goodbye or having people leave. For a long time now you have cried whenever I have to leave you. But now you cry when we say goodbye to Grandma and Grandpa and sometimes when Ranny leaves. I am working a lot right now so I am really happy that you are feeling attached to Ranny but it still breaks my heart if you cry when she leaves. Seeing your little face looking sad about anything is hard to take.

We have been having a great time in your swimming class. You are really good about going under the water. A lot of the kids don't go under yet, or they cry a lot after their parents dunk them. You always get this super shocked look on your face, but you never cry and always say that it was fun afterwards. And in the locker room, you love to hide in the lockers. You fit in them perfectly and you are fearless about the dark when you shut yourself in. You've always been a big fan of hiding and that continues. Speaking of hiding, the other day we were drawing together. You love to ask others to draw different shapes and figures (including Elmo, Cookie Monster, Mommy, Tella, Heart, Apple, etc.). I was doing this with you recently and then you took a marker and scribbed all over my Elmo. You then looked up at me and said, "Elmo hiding" and, indeed, he was. Now you love to make any of my drawings hide. You are also a really good artist yourself. Your drawings are very careful and you already have a proper grip on your markers.

You do a lot of repeating. This is one of the ways your vocabulary seems to be exploding. The other night we went to Balthazar for dinner. I ordered ravioli for you and Stella and asked for it to come as quickly as possible because I knew you were both extremely hungry. Stella was dying for them to bring us some bread and you started to wine. I took you out of your highchair and onto my lap. You started saying something that sounded like "Need roly roly". I was trying hard to understand what that meant and was asking you "What's roly roly" when I realized you were saying, "need ravioli". It is always so fun to try to decode what you are saying. Once we do, it always makes perfect sense. You are also a really big help. You love to help set the table or bring food from the kitchen to the table. You love to count. In your version, numbers go something like "1 2 3 4 9 10 11". You also love to sing. Whenever you are in your stroller, you sing "Happy Birthday" to all of the people you love. Or you sing "Tomorrow" or "Baby Beluga" or any number of other songs. You recently learned to play "Ring Around the Rosy" and I think you would do that again and again as many times as the grownups you are playing with would allow. It makes you so happy when everyone falls down.

You have become pretty interested in all things bathroom related and you enjoy visiting anyone who is on the toilet. You are frequently the toilet paper dispenser asking, "need paper" and supplying it then saying, "'nuff?" or "more?" and responding accordingly. You have also peed on the toilet several times. One night you were in the bath with Stella and you suddenly climbed out. I started to wrap you in a towel and you said "No. Pee." I brought you over to the toilet and put your elmo seat on. You climbed up and peed and then got down and went back into the bath. You have peed and pooped on your potty and your Elmo seat several times. I think you are really eager to do things the way Stella does them and that accounts for some of your early success in this (and other) areas.

A very huge and welcome development this month is that you now say "I love you" which comes out sounding like "I dove you" and which is the most amazing thing to hear. I am so happy that you do seem to love me so much but as Big Nutbrown Hare would say, "I love you more."

Love,
Mama

To Stella, seventy months

2011-06-24T10:54:00.000-04:00

Dear Stella, age 5.10,

Your time at preschool was a truly extraordinary one. Your growth from the girl who screamed as Daddy walked down the hall "Please, Daddy, just one more hug" "I love you, Daddy" and other equally heart-wrenching things to the little girl who wrote amazing thank you cards for all her teachers (including her beloved last year teacher) saying things like "Thanks for a great year", "Hope you have a good year next year without me" etc. is nothing short of extraordinary. You have made many wonderful friends and been a wonderful friend. You don't leave other kids out and are conscientious about being kind.

Towards the end of the year, there were a couple really special days for us. In mid-May, Daddy and I went in to your classroom to help make scenery for the Rainbow Fish play. You and all your classmates were so enthusiastic and diligent about coloring in different fish and shells.

I was also one of the lucky moms chosen to accompany your class on a trip to an aquarium in Connecticut, a super fun day. You loved having an opportunity to touch some different sea creatures --- especially the sea star. It was fun for me to have the opportunity to see a little glimpse of what you are like during the school day. You and Jane were partners and it was my job to keep track of you both. I only lost Jane once (when she went to the bathroom with a different grown-up) so I felt pretty good about that.

You were also the very last shabbat kid so it was late May before Daddy and I got to come to your classroom for that very special occasion. We chose to read "Sylvester and the Magic Pebble" because it had good parts for all three of us. You memorized all of Sylvester's lines and did a perfect job. I gave you a little tap each time it was your turn to speak and you never missed a beat. Daddy did all the other voices (plus sound effects) and I was the narrator. It was a hard choice, which book to read, because the Red Room tradition is that the family buys a copy of the book for the classroom. But for some reason, you were convinced that you were going to have to give your copy away. Your friends interviewed us, asking very good questions like what is your favorite African animal and what is your favorite restaurant. Yours is, of course, the Mermaid Inn.
You brought in two toys to share with the class-- an ice cream cone where the ice cream flies off the cone when you push a button and your dog that walks. These were very popular with your friends and you were great at sharing with everyone. I loved watching you walk your dog around the circle and letting each of your friends pet it which they all did enthusiastically. We also brought in M&M cookies which we baked together. Yum. You chose Millie and Jasper to be at your table but then it turned out that Jasper was at the shabbat table last week so Liam joined us instead (at your invitation) and we had a lovely conversation.

About ten days after your shabbat day, you graduated from Nursery School. I was expecting to cry my eyes out, that it would be the saddest happy day of my life. I've just loved sharing your nursery school experience with you and I didn't know how I would make it through the day accepting that you are growing up. But when I saw you performing your Rainbow Fish play and walked around your classroom with you and listened to your teachers talk, I felt some sadness, yes, but mostly so much pride and happiness for the girl you are. I have no doubts at all that you are ready for the next thing and so I could hardly feel sad at all. I didn't cry (well, not much). I was just proud beyond words to be your mommy.

After school we went to Central Park for a class picnic which was fun but very very HOT.

You have grown up so much in the past few months. You definitely don't say as many cute things but you come out with some amazing comments. Out of nowhere the other day you said to me, "You know what I like? I like when we are walking down the street and I'm on Daddy's shoulders and you are pushing Vivian in the stroller and you and Daddy are holding hands." Daddy and I love and appreciate how much you enjoy our small family and there was something about the way you said this, about your just loving the four of us all together that made me really happy. You miss Daddy a lot when he is away so I think this comment was, in part, just acknowledging how happy you are when he is home.

You've taken to saying "Oh for heaven's sake" a lot. Like at the beginning of 1/2 your sentences. Either that or "Oh for the love of peak". We were on the subway not too long ago and there was a homeless man asking for money. He told a story about how he was down and out and trying to turn things around. After we got off the train, as we were walking up the stairs you asked me, "Mommy, why was he trying to get back on his feet?" It really struck me how well you listen to everything and that you had spent so many minutes trying to figure out what that expression meant.

Your art explosion continues and your work is getting better and better. You still love to draw rainbows and flowers and hearts but you have expanded considerably and do draw many other things now too. Not too long ago, you drew a picture and the whole bottom was brown. Usually the bottoms of your drawings are green (grass) or blue (water). When I saw the brown, I assumed it was wood and so I asked you why there was wood on the ground. Without hesitation you answered, "Because it's a porch."

We went to the doctor for your 6 year old visit right when you turned 5 3/4. You were still telling people at that point that you were 5 1/2 and I wasn't ready for this to end so I hadn't told you your new age yet. Dr. Kligler did, though, and ever since you have been saying "5 3/4" when people ask you how old you are. Also you were 46 3/4 inched tall and 50 lbs.

Your amazing athleticism continues. You practiced your cartwheel like crazy until you finally perfected it. You also have been practicing headstands, handstands, back walkovers and other gymnastics moves. Stephanie, your coach at Chelsea Piers told us that if you mastered the back walkover and a pull-over on the bars that you were definitely ready for the advanced class. And in soccer Coach Bright told me that he wanted you to go into the premier league of Super Soccer Stars next year. When you heard these two things, you said to Daddy, "Stephanie wants me to go to Advanced Gymnastics and Coach Bright wants me to do Advanced Soccer. What's going on with me?"

What's going on with you is lots of fabulousness. You are so grown-up in so many ways but your childlike sense of fun and wonder and adventure is as great as ever. I'm loving being your mom more than I can ever say.

I love you.
Love,
Mommy

To Our Nursery School Graduate (almost)

2011-05-30T21:00:00.001-04:00

It is really hard to believe that, in two days, you will be all done with your beloved pre-school. We have been through so much there and you have done an unbelievable amount of growing up. I'm sitting on the couch right now as I write this, the very same couch I sat on 2 1/2 years ago as I talked to your teacher Jennifer on the phone every night about your difficulty separating. Those days are so far gone now. You skip to school and literally run up the stairs (seven flights!) to get to your classroom. You are proud to be one of the oldest kids in school, allowed to go to the bathroom by yourselves and just generally the kids who "rule the school". On Color Day recently, you were so happy to be "the reddest one," with your red dress and red bows in your hair. You have such school spirit and enthusiasm. You are really excited about the Rainbow Fish play which Daddy and I will see at your graduation on Wednesday. But you've been practicing your lines at home a lot and one night you told me, "If you see me walking around like a fish, it is just because I am practicing for the play." I guess you didn't want me to be alarmed or to worry that my daughter was becoming a fish.

Every single one of your parent-teacher conferences -- Sun, Silver and Red Room -- have been glowing. All your teachers love you and have told us that you are a pleasure to have in their classrooms. Your last Red Room conference was particularly glowy and they made a point to tell us that we should appreciate this, that not every parent gets to hear only good things. But they also emphasized that you are not a goody-goody or annoyingly perfect. We appreciate that they see in you so many of the wonderful qualities that we see and that they seem to really appreciate you. At the first conference this year, we were told that your dictionary (a project that you have been working on all year) was the one that was used as the example when parents came to look at the school. It is because all your work is so carefully done and thoughtful. YOu have worked hard to improve your handwriting and your drawing. You went through the whole dictionary for us the other night (now that you've brought it home) and told us stories about creating each page. For example, you were annoyed making the D is for Duck because you had to come in from the terrace to do it. I think you must have been absent the day the rest of the class did it. You missed a few days of school after spring break and when you got back, your teacher told us you had to work "like a dog", I assume making up for all the missed projects. You confirmed that you had, indeed, worked extra hard that day. I bet that was the D is for Duck Day.

I am going to miss so much all of the things that I've enjoyed these past three years. Even making your lunch. Recently, as I've packed your lunch each day, I have really tried to celebrate that I get to do this. Next year you will eat in a cafeteria. I will not be able to put little notes in for you or to pack a special thing that I know you really like. I will not be able to put my good vibes into your lunch. So, although there were times when it felt like a burden -- when I couldn't decide what to pack or we didn't have great things in the house -- I have come to really appreciate that that is something I get to do as your mom. (Credit goes to Daddy too because he put your lunch together a lot of the time as well.)

I will miss the early pick-up. Which at times I complained about because it sometimes felt like I could only do one thing in the morning before it was time to go get you. But it gave us lots of long afternoons together and I LOVED this year where I got to come into the classroom a lot or to see you practicing cartwheels on the terrace. Next year, I will have to wait for you in the school lobby. And it will be much later. This is because you are growing up. And while I am so proud of that and so very proud of the girl you are and the girl you are becoming, I will forever miss the little one who loves me and needs me in such a basic and uncomplicated way. The one who brings her lunch to school and gets dismissed at 1:45 Monday - Thursday and 12:30pm on Fridays.

Ironically, I will probably not miss the commute and this is something that I have always enjoyed. Daddy and I both agree that having to travel to school has given us very special time alone with you -- especially since Vivian's birth. But it will be nice not to have to go to the east side anymore and we'll still have a little bit of a commute next year.

It feels like your Nursery School graduation is a hugely symbolic moment where we are coming to the end of a big chapter and starting a very exciting next one. I know that there will be many great things ahead for you and that you are going to learn and grow so much in your new school environment. But your pre-school has been a truly special place that I will miss a lot. Thanks for being such a great kid and for sharing so much of what you've done in the past few years with us. I really feel like I know what went on in your day to day life there and I have really loved sharing it with you.

Congratulations, Stella!

Love,
Mommy

To Vivian 20 months

2011-05-24T20:33:00.056-04:00

You are beyond cute. Everyone thinks so. I don't know exactly what it is about you but you are just literally the most adorable human who ever ever lived. And I get to be your mom. I am your first choice cuddle partner, the one you most want to hold you or comfort you when you are sad and I consider this a real privilege.

You are starting to talk quite a bit, putting two words together and you love to tell dramatic stories about things that have happened to you. You have three bad stories to tell. "Boy push", "Hot tove" and "Bit Daddy". A long time ago at music class a boy pushed you and you fell down. You did not like this at all but you do like to tell about it. Another time, I put you up on the counter near the stove while your milk was heating. I turned around for a second and you cried out. When I turned back, your face had a look of horror on it. I asked what happened, did you touch the hot stove? You did. We put ice on your finger and you were fine and this gave you another good story to tell. And finally, one day you bit Daddy, not out of anger but out of sheer happiness and joy. However, Daddy screamed very very loud causing you to cry hysterically. I wasn't there but I heard all about it, of course. It is fun to listen to you tell these stories and to ask you questions like, "When you touched the hot stove, which finger did you burn" and you will show your little pointer. Then I will ask, "What did we do?" and you will answer "Ice".

At your 19mo check-up (which was really at 19+ months) you were 21 pounds 10 oz (10%) and, I think 33 inches (75%) and your head circumference was 18. This means we no longer have to really worry about how tiny you are and how little you (sometimes) eat. For awhile there you were more like 3% and I just didn't want you to go off the chart even though I know all that percentile stuff is silly.

Your most favorite food in the whole world is french fries. I was very surprised one night when we went to Blue Smoke for dinner. I was carrying you to the table when all of a sudden you spied some fried potatoes on a nearby plate and started saying "Ruff ries! Ruff ries!" Now we really cannot go to a restaurant and expect you to eat a morsel of anything else. Unlike Stella who did not have ice cream until she was just shy of two years old, you regularly enjoy a "pop" (lollipop) and cookies. Sometimes you will come up to me and go "nack. nack" and I know you are hungry for a snack.

You really enjoy pushing a baby in your little baby stroller although I have found it is a bit dangerous to let you take the stroller out. Inevitably, you will really enjoy pushing it for about half a block and then I will be left carrying it the rest of the way. I learned this when we took the little stroller (but no big stroller) with us on a quick errand to our nearby health food store. You also love your older sister and work super hard to keep up with her. You've really loved your Chelsea Piers gymnastics class and you have mastered jumping. It is actually amazing to see how much you have grown and learned since we started the class. In the beginning, the idea of following directions was pretty much a joke but now you do almost everything that the coaches tell you to do. You do most of the warm-up, you carry little plastic eggs on a spoon from one end of the mat to the other, you do at least part of every obstacle course, you sit and listen to songs, you hang from bars (your greatest event) and you jump like crazy. You have really learned how to jump now and you love doing it. When Stella is practicing cartwheels or handstands at Grandma and Grandpa's house, you definitely want your turn to do your version of one of these tricks or a forward roll, butt flop or some other feat.

This month, Daddy took me to a hotel in NYC for my birthday and you and Stella spent a few nights at Grandma and Grandpa's house. They had such a good time with you. I was a little bit apprehensive about what would happen when we picked you up. I remembered leaving Stella when she was about your age and she really punished me for a couple days when we got back. Daddy and I missed you guys so much and we couldn't wait to see you, we were so excited when we got to Grandma and Grandpa's to pick you up. When we got there, you were in the bathtub. We opened the bathroom door and you looked up at us with such a big smile. We asked what you were doing and you answered, "swimming". You were so happy, had obviously had a great time with "Nama Heen and Pow" but were also really excited to see us. Unlike your older sister, you did not punish us for one second. You are so flexible and easygoing and totally joyous and fun.

We celebrated my birthday as a small family over the weekend. Stella and Daddy made a cake and you were very excited to sing "Happy Birthday" to me and to help me blow out the candles. You do love the birthday song and whenever you see a candle burning anywhere you point to it and say, "Happy Birthday."

Daddy and I love being your parents and talk all the time about how perfect it is to have two daughters. It is so much better than I ever imagined.

I love you.

Love,
Mommy

Little Helper

2011-04-15T21:32:00.000-04:00

David is in California designing a concert at Coachella. Tonight after dinner, I really wanted some help clearing the table. Unfortunately, Stella has not been so super fantastic about being helpful recently (our fault) so I decided to ask Vivian to bring a plate into the kitchen which she did happily. When Stella saw Vivian marching towards the kitchen with the plate in hand, she came running to help out as well. (Surely my emphatic declaration, "Vivian! Thank you so much! You are so helpful!!!" didn't hurt.) Stella proceeded to hand one bowl or plate at a time to Vivian who said, "Mama, mama" (as in "this bowl has to go to Mama in the kitchen, repeated as a mantra lest she forget her destination along the way) as she carried them to me. Stella even handed her a large green bowl filled with lettuce. That one Vivian brought to me saying "heavy," a new word she must have caught when I told Stella I thought it was too heavy for her little sister. In fact, Vivian carried it with no problem. It was so great to have the table all cleared and also really fun to watch Vivian as such a happy helper.

To Vivian, One and a Half

2011-04-04T16:44:00.014-04:00

18 months feels like such a huge milestone and certainly marks the end of your babyhood which, I must confess, is a bit hard for me to accept. It is, however, made easier by the fact that you are off-the-charts fun, adorable and sweet and truly getting more so with each passing day.

You love to give kisses and hugs and there is nothing that makes my heart explode out of my chest like receiving a spontaneous and unrequested kiss from you. The other day you kissed my cheek and then reached around with your face and kissed my other cheek. Then you proudly declared "cheek!"

If we are with a group of people, say Grandma and Grandpa and Steven and Clara, you will walk around and give everyone a kiss, making sure that each person feels good and loved. Then you beam with pride. Same thing with hugs. You also frequently kiss the photos of people you love. And your baby dolls. And monkey. And George. You are all about spreading the love.
You also greet just about everyone you encounter with a "hi". And when they leave, they do so with a "bye" from you in their wake. This includes people on the train, on the bus, on the street, in the elevator. And also plenty of inanimate objects. When you put something in a drawer, you tell it "bye" before shutting it away.

You obsession with my iPhone continues, I must confess, slightly abetted by me. I downloaded an Elmo app in which you get to choose eyes and a nose for your very own monster. You do love Elmo so! We also have about 5 Elmo youtube clips that we watch and you ask for them by name: Ducks (Elmo Had Four Ducks), La La (Elmo's Song), AB (Elmo singing the alphabet with Indi.Arie, etc.) You also love looking through the pictures and videos on my phone. You know how to find them, open them, scroll through, play videos, etc. It is pretty incredible, how adept you are with a smart phone. Harmless entertainment or radioactive braincell destroyer? Since the jury is still out, I really don't like you to play with it too much. Then why did I download apps for you? Good fucking question! Anyway, whenever you see the damn thing lying around, you cry out "Wote, wote" which is your word for 'phone'. You will cry your eyes out if we don't give it to you. Fortunately, you are pretty easy to distract. For example, we can just say, "Vivian have you had your vitamins today?" and you will immediately be off "Have-oo-wuh. Have-oo-wuh" heading to the kitchen cabinet where your beloved vitamins are stashed. You can go from seemingly so sad to completely fine with zero transition.

You still love monkey as much as ever. You also sleep with George, Elmo and baby Elmo. I think that you love to surround yourself with so many friends when you are asleep is emblamatic of who you are. You love people and are remarkably connected. You will start to cry if another baby is crying. Recently Stella was with Grandpa and you were out to lunch with Grandma. Stella hurt her neck which Grandma found out about on the phone. She told you about it and when you and Grandma got home, I was there. You came in and didn't even give me your usual extremely happy to see you, Mama, greeting. You just came right up to me and said "Lala? Neck?" You were so concerned. You are always willing to kiss a booboo-- your own or someone else's. I think you have magic kisses. You love bandaids. You also love getting a "tamp" at the end of gym class. You always ask the coach to give me one too. That is one on each hand. And you like to get one on each hand and one on each foot. You seem to really love your gym class and your very favorite thing continues to be the big ball pit and demonstrating your fearlessness as you jump into it.

You are a really good sharer and seem to truly love having others enjoy what you are enjoying -- be it a toy or a treat. You will always give a lick or a bite or a turn with no hesitation. Stella has become a better sharer because of you. You set a really good example.

You love the playground and can climb the steps, walk over to the slide and go down the slide and say "gen" and do it again over and over and over.

You are also a big fan of the swing.

This month you got dressed in a princess costume (really one of Stella's old leotards with a tutu attached) for the first time.

I know that there is probably a lot of dressing up in your future and this was more my idea for you to do since Stella was putting on a costume. But you did seem to be pretty happy about it and had a great time jumping around in the living room, climbing onto the chairs and then jumping to the floor whilst dressed (sort of) like a "princess". You do love to climb on our living room chairs and to hurl yourself from one to another.

We are constantly amazed by the stunts you perform as you seem to have no real sense of your capabilities but just know what you want to do.

I had a great time with you one day at the Children's Museum where I was not surprised to see that your most favorite things were anything that involved a computer or a screen of some kind. But I was pleasantly surprised to round a corner to find you and see you dressed in your firefighter gear.

You really did find and put that hat on all by yourself.

Stella continues to be a rockin' big sister. One night she put on her Hanukkah crown and she didn't want you to feel left out so she made you a crown of your own.

The kindness and generosity you both show each other, coupled with the amount of laughter and fun you have together is the greatest thing for parents to witness.

Thanks for being such a cuddly, happy and wonderful little girl. I'm so happy you are mine.
I love you. Happy Half Birthday!

Love,
Mama

To Stella, sixty seven months

2011-03-31T22:49:00.001-04:00

While in so many ways you are really grown up now, you still have plenty of adorable. Recently, we all went to the Transit Museum in Brookyn. On the way, we were waiting for the subway and Vivian was asleep in her stroller. We decided to play a game where each person would say one word and together we would create a story. We were telling a story about a monkey and a princess and at one point, the monkey was in a tree and the princess (named Stella) went looking for him. We got to a very exciting part of the story where the princess and the monkey were separated and the princess went looking for him. It went something like this "the princess went to the forest to find the monkey..."
Mommy: But
Stella: the
Daddy: monkey
Mommy: was
Stella: int
Daddy: there
Daddy and I had to fight back our laughter.

Speaking of the Transit Museum, I think we were all slightly disappointed -- it wasn't THAT amazing. And Vivian fell asleep right when we got there and missed the whole thing. But we had a lot of fun anyway. You loved pretending to be a bus driver and an MTA worker selling tickets. I'm always so impressed by how well you take turns, wait your turn and share with other kids. You were really respectful of all the other children at the museum and I can't say the same for all of them. The most fun part was probably seeing all the old train cars. You pretended you were a musician singing for the people in the car and also a person sleeping in the train.

This month, seemingly out of the blue, you started saying "I'm sweating like a cinnamon church." Daddy and I could not figure out what you were talking about. You told us it was something you heard in the "Princess and the Frog". Your very clever father finally figured out that it was "I'm sweating like a sinner in church." Believe me when I say, we aren't correcting you on that one. It is too adorable every time you say it. You still sing "Friday is a special day. There are three blessings that you say. One for candles, one for wine. One for challah it takes vine" and as far as Daddy and I are concerned, you can go to your grave not knowing the correct words to that one. We all sing that song together sometimes and Dad and I invariably say it your way lest you catch on and correct yourself. I realize some parents consider it part of their job to teach their children whereas yours consider it their job to unteach them. Look, we know you're going to grow up. We're hanging on to cute for as long as we can.

Another highlight of the month was taking Grandma Roz to Serendipity for her birthday. Every time you and Vivian get together with my granny I just feel so happy for you guys and for her that you get to know each other so well. Also, frozen hot chocolates are yummy.

After sitting for awhile, you and Vivian got a little restless so you went together to the little store in the front and were talking to the people who work there. I got a little bit nervous that maybe you were bothering them but I figured someone would come over and say something if they were upset. Eventually, our food came and you guys returned to the table. Later, the maitre d' did indeed come up to our table. And what he said was, "I see a lot of kids in this job and I have never seen a cuter or better sibling relationship." I think he was specifically remarking on how when you ask Vivian to give you a kiss, she happily obliges.

But also just how gentle and sweet you are with her and how much love there so obviously is between you both. It is one of the things that makes me happiest in life.

During your March vacation, we went to AMNH one day to see the buttefly exhibit. On the way we stopped at Joe's so Mommy could get a coffee. I also bought you and Vivian a doughnut because they sell the ones from Doughnut Plant there. You frequently ask me if we can go to Dunkin' Donuts because it is right across the street from school but I have only said yes once. I just can't bring myself to do it. But I know you love doughnuts so I thought I'd introduce you to a real one -- rather than that Dunkin' Donuts crap. We had so much fun with the butteflies. One landed on my bag which made you very excited and should bring all of us good luck.

Afterwards, we went to the cafe and you and Vivian very happily shared the doughnut we had bought. I'm not sure which was better -- the butterflies or the doughnut. Probably the doughnut.

You have been working like crazy on your cartwheel and it is getting very good.
You really enjoy spending the first 15 minutes of Vivian's Chelsea Piers class as her "grown-up". And you also got to go to music class with her this month which was super fun. As I write this, I realize that one of the things that is most incredible about you (and there are many) is that you find everything fun. You have such enthusiasm for whatever it is you are doing. It is a really lovely quality to have and one that I hope you will retain.

Your box house made a re-appearance this month and you even slept in it a couple nights. It didn't sound like such a great idea to me but you begged us to let you and I realized, why not? And you seemed to have slept really well and definitely really happily in it.

At the end of the month, I went to Chicago for two nights. I was a little bit nervous about it but you, Dad and Vivian did just fine without me. You sent me some really great videos telling me that everything was going well and receiving them made my day. You also told me that you didn't want to skype with me because it would make you miss me more. I totally respected that and appreciated how well you know yourself.

I am really enjoying every minute of being your mom. You are a complicated, special, beautiful, kind, strong girl and I have so much admiration for you. It is a real privilege to be able to watch you grow up.

I love you.
Love,
Mom

To Vivian, 17 months old

2011-03-31T13:12:00.000-04:00

Dear Vivian,

You are seriously the cutest, most adorable little girl in the entire world. Even Stella thinks so. The other day, you were trying to brush Stella's teeth but she was lying on the couch watching "Totoro" in our San Diego house and didn't really want to lean forward so you could put the toothbrush in her mouth. In her defense, she had just hurt herself doing something and I set her up on the couch with pillows, etc. so it was a little hard for her to move. I said to you, "Vivian, you can't brush Stella's teeth right now" and you just looked at Stella with your big blue eyes and said in your saddest voice, "Why????" Even injured Stella had to give in to you after that. She frequently comments on how cute you are, one time even declaring, "She's so cute I want to eat her." And that is no small praise given that you are becoming quite a lot of competition. But you two still get along so incredibly well and whenever your big sister is not around you walk around looking for her going "Lala? Lala?"

You are completely cell phone obsessed and your favorite thing to do is to go through the pictures on my phone. You've learned how to make a video play and to scroll through the pictures. When you get to one of Stella, you are particularly happy and sometimes even give her a kiss or pat the picture and say "Nice".

You are a great sharer and take enormous pleasure in feeding other people. In fact, just tonight at dinner you looked over and saw your monkey on the other side of the kitchen. You went 'Mon-ay. Mon-ay." and then tried to get yourself down from the banquette to go get it. When I realized that you were going to do this, I went to go get it for you and brought it over. In general we try to restrict monkey for times of sleep but I thought it was better to get it for you than have you risk your life trying to get down from your seat. As soon as you had monkey in your hand, you started to pretend feed him some of your dinner and you had the biggest smile on your face. You just wanted to share your delicious food with your precious little friend.

Speaking of delicious dinner, I am so happy that you are eating again. You were really sick for about a week and you basically went on a hunger strike. It was quite stressful for me and very sad for all of us. I held you a lot. I eventually broke down and brought you to Dr. Kligler and he thought there was a possibility you had pneumonia. We never gave you antibiotics, though, because you were already on the upswing by the time we got the prescription. Thankfully, you got better in time for us to go to San Diego to see Dad who is working on a show there. He was away for about three weeks and you missed him a lot. You often looked for him around the house and would point to my computer and say, "Dada. Dada" clearly wanting to skype with him. You were always very happy when he called us on the computer and you are delighted to be here with him now. You were pretty good on the plane and even adjusted to the time difference without too much fuss. We had a few days of 4am wake ups but you're pretty much on schedule now. You also adjusted to the carseat pretty quickly which was impressive. You are all-around pretty easy going and adaptable.

You still adore Grandpa Paul and get so excited to see a picture of him or to hear his voice on the phone.

You love blueberries. And most other foods that allow you to use your pincer grasp. On the other hand you do NOT love anything mushy or mashed up.

You have a really interesting fearlessness because you are not the sturdiest girl around but you will attempt to jump off of almost anything and it makes you laugh hysterically when you scare me with your stunts. We have started taking a class at Chelsea Piers because you were getting too active to be expected to just sit and watch Stella's class. It is really fun but once we go into the back room where there is a ball pit, you will pretty much not do anything else. You just want to get onto the tumbling track and jump into the pit. You have no fear. After Stella's class ends, we all go into the toddler gym where you also love to hang out in the ballpit with your equally-happy-to-be-there-with-you sister.

You love the playground. Especially the swings. And the slide. Whenever you do something that is fun (ie: go down the slide), the second you get to the bottom, you say "more" and go to do it again.

You are also taking a music class with Grandma Helaine and you love it so much. In fact, the last two times when the teacher said, "It's time to say goodbye", you have burst into tears. I saw it myself because Grandma could not take you last week so I got to. You were so sad when the class was over.

Your vocabulary is exploding with new words all the time. For awhile you were saying "appudi" a lot and we could not figure out what it was. It seemed like some variation on "apple" but since you say "apple" clearly, it was very confusing. Finally last week, you were looking at a candle and pointing and saying "appudi. appudi" and I realized you were saying "Happy Birthday". Grandma Helaine was very happy to have this mystery solved. It was also good timing because it was right before we celebrated your 17 month and Stella's 5 1/2 birthday. Any occasion for a celebration and a cupcake is good by me and dad so we went to Sprinkles and got candles. You were very happy until we ruined your cupcake by putting a candle in it.

Eventually, everything was rectified and you ate your cupcake happily.

As you licked the icing, you kept looking up and saying "Thanks."

You were also very happy to share it with Monkey.

Whenever anyone gives you anything you want, you say "Thanks" which I'm pretty sure qualifies you as the most polite, well-mannered 17 month old ever.

You have lots of cute expressions and gestures. For example, when you are looking for someone you can find, you will put your hand out with your palm up like "what's going on? I don't understand?"
When we ask you where your eyes are, you blink slowly a bunch of times.
When you are sad about something, you squint your eyes.
When you are really sad and cry, your whole little being just become so sad. Sometimes this happens when I put you down for even one second. Often this happens if I have to leave you. And I want you to know that I feel the exact same way!

You LOVE to read. You especially love books that have little flaps for you to open like "where's spot? Is he in the closet?" (open closet flap) "No, the rabbit is in the closet." You definitely have favorite books and ones you don't like so much. We know this because if we try to read a book you don't want, you will shout "No!" and slam it closed. On the other hand you will say "Dog" or "Mais" or "Baby" to chose one of the books that you like a lot. Speaking of "Mais", you really love Maisy books these days although only the ones that have flaps for you to open. And one about Maisy working on a farm.

You love to draw. You love bandaids. You think all my freckles are booboos. You give lots of great kisses and hugs. Whenever I come home after not seeing you for awhile, you look up at me and say "Hi Mama" and my heart just melts.

You are very playful and love to be chased. One afternoon in San Diego, I was trying to think of a game that would be fun for a 1 year old, a 5 year old and a 39 year old when I thought of hide and seek. Stella and I explained to you how to play by hiding in really easy, obvious spots and getting gradually trickier. Eventually we started really playing with you and me on a team and Stella on her own. We hid behind Stella's bed and waited quietly for her to find us. The rest of the time we were in San Diego, you would often disappear to that very hiding spot and wait for someone to discover you at which point you would shout "Boo".

I love having a little toddler around and am already sad that you are no longer a baby. On the other hand, it is so much fun to watch your personality emerge and to get to know you in a bigger way.

You've made us into so much more of a family than we were before you got here. You are my precious little angel and I am so happy to get to be your mom.

I love you so much.
Love,
Mama

Last Time Breastfeeding

2011-03-29T20:44:00.004-04:00

I just finished breastfeeding Vivian forever. I know that it is time. She is ready to stop, I think. But I will always miss it. It is such a wonderful time of closeness and I am so proud that we have been able to go for so long, that she has been so healthy and grown so well in part due to my feeding her. It was a pretty hard won battle. From her refusal to take bottles early on, to the clicking sound that wouldn't go away, to having her frenulum snipped and then her nursing strike, to finally getting into a really good groove. And now it is over. I am going to Chicago for three days beginning tomorrow morning. And so the last feed, the one right before bed will be history when I return. I think this is the best way to do it, to just go away. When I got the job offer a few months ago I thought to myself that that would be when I would stop breastfeeding and now here we are. I never planned to go for 18+ months and I do want to stop before we get into a whole negotiation thing where she is talking and asking for my boob. But I definitely feel more than a little bit sad too. I have loved those moments of closeness and it has given me precious alone time with Vivian. I may never breastfeed a baby again. Strange to have that completely behind me now, if it is. Regardless, Vivian will never breastfeed again. A very big chapter is closed. And our daughter has taken her first giant step towards separation and independence.

Vivian loves books

2011-03-03T21:17:00.002-05:00

Vivian loves to read. She often will come up to me, hand me a book and then plop down in my lap to be read to. I love this a lot. Tonight she was taking books off the shelf before bed but she kept pulling down ones she doesn't really like, or Stella's books so I decided to create a low shelf with all of her favorites. Goodnight Gorilla, lots of flap books, Goodnight Moon, an Elmo book that plays music, a few Maisy story books and others. Then I went and sat in the rocking chair and told her to pick some out for tonight. The first thing she grabbed was Maisy's Bedtime which she studied for a few moments before putting it back on the shelf and reaching for another. For some reason, the only Maisy story book she is into is Maisy's Morning on the Farm. She is totally consistent in the books she likes and the ones that she doesn't. And if I try to read her a book that isn't on her preferred list, she vehemently states, "No!" and slams it shut. There was something so great about just watching her examine the book, realize it wasn't one she likes that much and put it back on the shelf. And then she chose Goodnight Gorilla and so we put it in tonight's rotation just like we do almost every night. I told her to chose three others and she did so bringing them to me one at a time. After the third she climbed right up into my lap. I have no idea if she really understood and was following my directions or if she was just ready to read finally. But either way, it was super cool. And I was so happy to then sit with her and read. I love being a mom. And the small moments really are the big moments.

To Stella, 5 1/2

2011-02-27T23:30:00.045-05:00

No one loves a half birthday more than you. You had a big countdown leading up to your half birthday in which you would tell anyone who asked your age exactly how many days it was until you were 5 1/2. Well, Happy Half Birthday, Little One and can you please stop growing up now?

Seriously, I LOVE having a 5 1/2 year old or, I should say, YOU as a 5 1/2 year old because you are truly one of a kind. Although your American Girl Doll -- with the light blonde hair and the "chocolate" eyes does look remarkably like you.

Speaking of chocolate eyes, a few months ago you were bummed out that your eyes were brown, "the worst color". Someone in school, I think, said that brown was the worst color because it was the color of poop. I vehemently disagreed and told you about some of the things I love that are brown, including chocolate. From then on, whenever you would talk about your eyes, you would call them "chocolate" rather than brown.

No doubt this letter, like most of them, will note your amazingness. In an effort to be comprehensive, I should note that you are not perfect (phew). For example, you are sometimes not the most awesome sharer, in part because you don't want other people to have what you have, be it a certain silly band or a chocolate chip cookie. For this reason (I think) you have not wanted to have playdates in our apartment very much. Oh, also you are extremely organized and neat and you are terrified that your friends will mess up your stuff and won't put things away where they belong. So even though I assure you that I will help you clean everything, you are really reluctant to have people over.

We were in San Diego for your actual half birthday and we had a great time visiting Lego Land and the San Diego Zoo. But in a way, my favorite day of all was one where we just went to Whole Foods and brought our groceries home and had lunch and went to a local playground. I can't explain exactly what was so fun. You were excited to pick out different things from the bulk bins and then to write their numbers down for the check-out person. You are just so grown up and so delighted to do grown up, independent things. One night at dinner, for example, you went to the bathroom in the restaurant by yourself. And later you told me, "Mom, I was really proud that I went to the bathroom alone." You are just so interestingly caught in this place of kind of grown up and still very much a kid. You don't make as many cute mistakes as you used to but you still say lots of really incredible things. When we were on the plane flying out to San Diego, you were very excited about take-off. After a bit of looking out the window, you turned to me and said, "Look, Mommy, the clouds are moving so fast!" It blew your mind to learn that it was really the plane that was moving fast, not the clouds. On the plane you watched the Y video from last year 5 1/2 times (until the batteries on your dvd player wore out). You just love your school so much. You have already let us know that Vivian should definitely attend the Y because it will be a great school for her.

Lego Land was really fun. They had a ride where you got to drive a car and then get a drivers license. You loved your license so much and later, when we were home, you made one for Vivian so she would not feel left out.

When we first got to San Diego, Daddy told us that there was a Sprinkles cupcake store right near the theater. The very mention of the word cupcakes was quite exciting to you. We went and waited on the twenty minute line and brought home some delicious treats. You decided that you definitely wanted to have another cupcake on your birthday and you were very happy when it materialized. There was also a great frozen yogurt store near our house where you got to pull the lever to get your own yogurt and then go to the toppings bar to put on sprinkles, etc. yourself. You declared this the world's greatest ice cream store. You have a true appreciation for food -- and not just desserts. There was also a cute little restaurant in town where you got to make your own pizza with the chef.

You were an unbelievably great traveler. You helped me out by pulling your own suitcase and just being super cooperative when I needed you to be. I was a little bit nervous about traveling cross country as the sole grown-up with two kids but you made it pretty easy. There was a short time on the plane ride out where you freaked out, desperate to get off the plane. Also you spilled orange juice all over yourself and your seat and I realized that I had foolishly only brought extra clothes for Vivian. But you were pretty mature about it and didn't make me feel like the worst mommy ever.

One bad thing happened to us in San Diego. We had a great day at Bilboa Park -- going to a costume museum and having lunch and playing by the fountain. When it was time to go home, we decided to take a quick visit to a playground and found a great one with this super tall, scary thing for you to climb. You had so much fun you really wanted to stay longer. Eventually (after maybe 20 minutes), we agreed it was time to go because we had to pick Daddy up from work. We walked back to our car and got Vivian into her carseat. You really liked to enter the car from the front seat and then climb to the back. I was about to open the passenger side door for you when I realized that our window had been smashed. We were both very shocked by this. Then a moment later, I remembered that I had (foolishly) left my bag on the seat. Naturally, it was gone. I got very upset which caused you to get very upset. You wanted me to call the police and call Daddy (both of which I did). The police were not able to help because we didn't have a physical description of the perpetrator. Daddy was not able to help because he didn't answer his phone. Eventually, we got in the car and drove to the theater. We agreed that it was good no one got hurt. We reached Grandma on the phone and she was very reassuring. When we got to the theater, Daddy took care of everything (and you had a great time hanging out in the production office making buttons!). I had been planning to go see Daddy's show that night but we canceled the babysitter because it didn't seem like a good idea to leave you. You supported this by telling me that you might be scared later. That night as I was tucking you into bed, you excitedly told me, "Mommy, now I have my own bad story". Although a little part of me was sad that at only 5 1/2 you already have a bad story, I thought that was a pretty outcome for the whole ordeal. (I should backtrack and mention that for awhile now, you have been obsessed with hearing bad stories. This is a challenge for me because I don't have that many traumatic events from my past that are bad enough to satisfy you but not so bad that they might cause irreparable psychological damage if I shared them. Daddy, Grandma, Grandpa, Uncle Steven, etc. etc. have all told you their bad stories too. So the fact that now you have your own really is probably pretty cool for you.)

When we were in Atlanta, you invented a game you call "Laundry Basket" which entailed filling Vivian's pack and play with lots of blankets, pillows, etc. and pretending it was the laundry basket from Annie in which the little orphan girl escapes the orphanage. You loved to sing "It's a hard 'nuff life" and then do a flip into the laundry basket and then get Vivian in there to be Molly and then have me or Dad be Miss Hannagan or Mr. Bundles. You would feed us all of our lines and just have a great time. The best part, of course, was hearing you sing the last line of the song -- "No More Hard 'Nuff Life" at the top of your lungs -- and then do your flip and get covered up by blankets. You LOVE doing this. When we got home, you started playing in Vivian's crib which does not allow you to flip in in the same way but you and Vivian seem to have a great time anyway playing with all the blankets and pillows filling her crib. This is probably not amazing for her sleeping (I'm sure there is a theory somewhere about cribs being for sleep rather than play) but we let you do it anyway. You love to grab the comforter from off our bed (thankfully you always ask permission before doing so) and then giving Vivian a ride by pulling her on it. She LOVES this. And then off you go. Laundry Basket.

You really still are the world's greatest pretend player. You told me recently that one of the things you love about going to Grandma and Grandpa's house is that they have great pretend over there -- specifically, I think you mean the big cardboard with which you can make a house. And Grandpa. Who is ever willing to be Dr. Goldberg. Or your husband. Or I'm sure a million other characters that spring from your elaborate and masterful imagination.

You ask really great questions and make super interesting observations all the time. You are also really smart. We were talking about inventions (you are very eager to invent something and frequently remark that you have done just that when, for example, you "invent" eating spinach with mint jelly) and writers coming up with stories. You remarked that no one invented Cinderella because everyone knows that story. I kind of explained fairytales to you and in the course of the conversation, we started talking about Into the Woods. I said that that the man who wrote that was looking at lots of different fairytales -- Cinderella, The Baker's Wife, Jack and the Beanstalk, Rapunzel, etc. and he thought to himself, "What do all these stories have in common?" and you replied, "The woods!" I was amazed that you really got what I was saying. It reminds me of this summer when Grandpa said you were like a thirteen year old brain stuck in a four year old body. Grandma asked if you knew what that meant and you said "yes, I'm really smart." You do just get things. I sometimes almost forget that, in fact, you are only 5.

One morning I was making your lunch and I told you that it was the last day of the week that I was going to make your lunch and you answered, "Yup. Thursday. Friday. You got to stick with the flow."

Before we went away, Vivian got really sick with what may have been pneumonia. She stopped eating and was completely miserable with the worst cough and a high fever. One night you went to Grandma and Grandpa's for a sleepover and the next day, Grandma brought you home in the afternoon and hung out at our house so I could run out to the gym. When I got home, you were kind of restless so I asked Grandma if she would stay a little longer so that I could go to the playground with you. We went to Hippo and had such fun even though the playground was largely covered with snow and it was a bit cold. We ran around and played for about thirty minutes and then skipped home. It was such fun for both of us -- especially after not seeing each other for a day or so. When we were in the elevator on the way back up to our apartment, we were both quiet as the elevator began its ascent. Suddenly you looked at me and said in a quiet and very serious voice, "I liked that moment." I knew exactly what you meant.

I've thought about that many times since then and it is pretty much how I feel about the past five and a half years.

Thanks for being such a fun, fabulous, loving, daughter. I want you to always know that I liked that moment. A lot.

Love,
Mommy

To Vivian, 16 months

2011-01-24T10:15:00.016-05:00

This month we worked really hard to make sure you were eating enough food and getting enough calories and now I am no longer so worried about all of that. You have definitely surpassed 20 pounds -- you are almost a little heavy when I lift you now and I know you are still on the chart. For a while there, I thought you might have dropped below the 3% for weight and I was a little freaked out. I know in my rational mind that there is nothing to worry about, that you are the healthiest most perfect little 16 month old in the world, but somehow a bit of worry snuck in anyway. Welcome to Parenthood.

You are also walking a lot better and though there is still a wee bit of the Frankenstein there, I'm pretty confident that your legs are straightening out nicely.

Regardless of how steady you are or are not on your feet, you are an unbelievable daredevil. You are happy to jump off of Grandma and Grandpa's (very high) headboard onto their mattress. You also love to jump into the ball pit at Chelsea Piers. I am pretty sure we have Stella to thank for teaching you these reckless moves. But we are also happy to see that you have so much courage and confidence and so little fear.

This month, after a sleep-over with Grandma and Grandpa, you accompanied Stella to the nail salon where she was getting a manicure and pedicure. Apparently you were hanging out with Grandpa who painted one of your nails for you. You liked it a lot so one of the women in the salon re-did it for you. It was bright pink. It made you so happy. You LOVED to show off your nail and got very excited when we would make a big deal about your "fancy" nail. You also love to have hand cream put on your hands. I think that you will be a very good spa date for me in the future. This is a good thing.
Some of the very cutest things you do right now include the following:

When we ask you to say "Grandpa", you respond, "Paaauuuuooooww" which sounds like you are saying "Paul" and which, I think, is what you are, indeed, saying.
In addition to knowing the sounds that a cow, a pig, a horse, and a sheep make, you do a "sssss" for the sound of a snake.
You are obsessed with noses and point out everyone's all the time. I think you are slightly surprised and happy that everyone has a nose that they bring around with them at all times.
You continue to love dogs beyond all measure.
You call "Goodnight Moon" 'Hot' because of the fireplace that is on so many pages. You point out the balloon on almost every page of "Goodnight Gorilla". Same for the banana.
You have full-on discovered the power of 'no' and answer with it to nearly every question. Stella gets a kick out of this so she sometimes asks, "Vivian, are you breathing?" to which you faithfully respond, "No" causing your big sister to laugh knowingly.
You call Stella "lala" and walk around the house asking for her and looking for her when she is not here.

Remember how we tried desperately to get you to take a bottle back when you were new and you were having none of that nonsense? Well, now that you kind of are not supposed to be having a bottle anymore, you LOVE 'em! Because your weight is pretty low, we are not making any attempt to curtail this twice daily habit. And anyway, I think Daddy kind of likes them as much as you do.

You have a favorite chair in our apartment and sometimes if we give you a snack, you will take it into the living room and climb up into your chair to eat it. Or I will just peak from the kitchen to see what you are doing in the other room and I find you happily hanging out in your favorite spot.
You almost always pull out any barrette we put in your hair saying "bra, bra". Then you will spend the next little while pushing your hair out of your eyes. But if we ask you if you want a barrette you will answer, "No!"

The biggest tragedy of the month was the loss of your dear friend Mr. Monkey. I packed Mr. Monkey for our trip to Atlanta but then he was not with us when we arrived. Stella told me she saw you playing with him in the apartment, that you had taken him out of the suitcase. But when we returned home, he was nowhere to be found. The good, though surprising, part of all of this is that you never asked for him or really seemed to miss him at all. The bad part is that I missed him a lot! We finally replaced him after a couple days home but you are not as attached to the new, bright pink, clean monkey as you were to your old mangy one.

We had a really fun time in Atlanta.

You were a great traveler and helped to make the trip pretty easy. I was a bit apprehensive about traveling alone with two kids but it really wasn't so bad. You seemed to have a pretty good time on the airplane. The cutest part was walking up the aisle with you. You stopped at every single row to say "hi" to the person sitting on the aisle. Everyone was pretty friendly back and many people commented on how incredibly adorable you are. I knew that already, of course, but it is still nice to hear. You loved to visit Daddy at work not because you got to watch the makings of a hit new musical but because it was lots of fun to walk up and down the steps in the theater. We also did a lot of other fun things while we were there -- going to the children's museum and the World of Coke and the aquarium.

You seem to pretty much enjoy whatever we are doing and it was fun to have you along.

You are starting to get a little tough with Stella. If she picks you up and you don't want her to, you definitely fight back by hitting her in the face or pinching her arm or scratching her. You guys still mostly get along very well and Daddy and I are happy that you don't seem to be the kind of kid who is going to take crap from anyone. You are really good at sharing and still so sweet and friendly with people but you definitely stand up for yourself.

No matter what else happens during the day, every night I get to put you to sleep. We read a few books, you drink your bottle and I breastfeed you for awhile. It is such a very special time. I feel so lucky to get to hold you. You are cuddly and sweet and you smell so delicious. I wish I could just burn into my brain what it feels like when I hold you and you put your head on my shoulder. Love.

I love you so much.
Love,
Mama

Annie and David

2011-01-10T19:22:00.002-05:00

Stella is kind of obsessed with ANNIE at the moment. There was a part in what she calls "the new Annie" (Rob Ashford/Disney version) that she could not understand, something that Miss Hannigan said that apparently sounded like "Annie get your loftinsef out here." She kept asking me what "loftinsef" meant and I told her I had no idea, that she must have misheard it and that I would watch with her soon so I could tell her. Tonight she decided to watch while I put Vivian to bed and I told her to pause it when it got to the part that she couldn't understand. After about fiftenn minutes, as I was breastfeeding Vivian (the final step to her bedtime routine), I heard Stella call me. I did not respond because I did not want to disturb the little nursing girl. After a minute, Stella came into the bedroom with a sad face and said, "Mom, I'm already at that part and now I'm not going to be able to see any more of the movie because I'm just going to be waiting for you." I told her to just remember where it was and we could rewind when I was finished with Vivian. She happily left the room. There was something just so adorable about Stella with a sad face in her striped pajamas having just paused the movie but wanting to be able to keep watching. When I came out, I was able to clarify that Miss Hannigan was saying, "Annie, get your orphan self out here." Next she told me she wanted to watch one more part, "The seal will pick out all your clothes" (instead of Cecile). Five year olds don't say as many cute things as four year olds but there is still plenty of preciousness to go around...

Tonight we were skyping with David and then I said it was bathtime and Stella said, "I'm not taking a bath. I want to stay here and look at Dad." We all miss him so much! Vivian walks around the apartment going "Dada. Dada" looking for him.

Somehow older

2011-01-03T22:02:00.002-05:00

Morning. Breakfast. Mom and daughter sit at the dining room table.
Baby is in her high chair. Dad is puttering around the apartment.

Mom (noticing that her older daughter looks especially grown-up):
Stella, you look different to me. It is like I hardly recognize you.

Stella: That is because you are used to me sick and I'm not sick anymore.

Thankfully, the flu that felled Stella for the second week of winter break
has been destroyed. It was brutal. High fevers, bad headaches, a cough,
some nausea and zero appetite.

To Vivian 15 months old

2010-12-29T11:45:00.006-05:00

I am so disappointed that I have not been better these past few months about writing my monthly letter to you. I have to confess that it is MUCH harder to maintian this blog these days. There is just so much less free time when you have two little people to take care of than when there is only one. When you are napping, I am often doing something with Stella. Or am just too tired. Or or or. But no excuse really because I know that I will regret not updating religiously so that I have a clear documentation at just who you were at each stage of your early childhood. So I am going to try very hard in the coming year to do better. In the meantime, this letter will have to be a bit long because I am going to try to capture some of what has transpired in the past three months, a time in which you have changed tremendously and we have enjoyed you even more.

This fall was also particularly busy because I was directing a play and so every moment I was not at work was spent with you or Stella. I must say you both did a really good job of making it possible for me to work so thanks for that. Even though I sometimes question whether I want to leave you for even one second, in my heart of hearts I know that I am a better mommy because I also have a life that is separate from you. And I believe/hope that in the future you will appreciate the fact that I do work that is interesting to me and that all of my happiness is not derived from you and your sister.

Although I must admit that my deepest happiness does come from our family and it is really hard to leave you when I have to go to rehearsal or a preview. There was that time, though, right before our first preview I think, when you walked around the stage and I felt like you were really blessing our space with your little feet stumbling around. The show was a hit so it worked.

Daddy, Stella and I are so in love with you and so amazed by how much you have changed our family. It is just much more fun in every way since you joined us.

I know in moments it is hard for Stella to share but mostly she is the most passionate older sister ever and she is so sweet with you. She loves to sling you on her hip and carry you around like a little mommy and you seem to be very comfortable with it. You both love it when you join me in picking her up from school. You march right into the Red Room and start playing with the kids (who all adore you and are so nice to you) without even turning around to make sure I am there. The Red Room fish (George and Isabel) are your favorite things in the classroom. Indeed, you are a true animal lover. Especially dogs. Our next door neighbors have two and sometimes you stand at our front door and yell "Da-aw. Da-aw" until we open the door and let you go into the hallway where you then stand in front of their door and do the same. If we had to predict your future profession, we would say vet. You go up to all the little four-legged creatures we see on the street. Sometimes if we pass a dog going in the other direction, you will turn around and start following it. They just make you so very happy. Actual dogs, pictures of dogs, books about dogs all illicit an enthusiastic "Da! Da! Da!" from you.

You say a lot of words now and one of our favorite things to do is to practice with you repeating after one of us. Now when we ask you, "Vivian, do you want to practice your words" you respond by saying "Mama" which has always been the first on the list. We then go on to "Dada" "bottle" "hello" "up" "dog" "book" "nose" "bump" "booboo" and lots of others. "Hello" and "Balloon" are the cutest. When you say "Hello" you sound like a little French person. There is something about the two syllable word with the L in the middle that makes it sound particularly cute. You have the sweetest little voice imaginable. You call Stella "Lala" and one time we thought you might have said "Hi Lala" when you saw your sister (so this may have been your first sentence although the jury is still out on that one).

Last week we all went to Okemo for a ski weekend. We bought you lots of warm, waterproof clothes for the occasion including these great pink boots that you love so much.

You were so proud to walk around in them but they had a bad habit of falling off your feet. One night I was carrying you from the car back to the hotel after dinner and we were going super fast because it was coooooold. All of a sudden you started yelling, "Ma! Boo! Boo! Boo! Mama!" I looked at you and you were pointing behind us. I turned around and saw your boot lying in the snow about 30 feet behind us. Well done. We would have been really sad had that precious shoe been lost. We had a fantastic time at Okemo and you were an amazing traveler. We did put you in the day care one morning for about 2 1/2 hours so Stella could have a ski lesson and Daddy and I could ski too. You were totally happy going there and they told us you only cried a little bit which I think may have been because you got tired.

Daddy and I had our own personal unrelated to skiing victory while we were there because we put you and Stella to sleep in the same room for the first time (at home she had been going to sleep in our room and then we were moving her before we went to bed) and neither of you had a hard time with it. In fact, your sleeping has fallen into shape beautifully and I almost have to laugh to myself when I think about all the trauma around sleep in the past 15 months. Because the truth is that it all worked itself out without any particular intervention on our part. But you are now napping once/day from 11am-1pm and you sleep at night from 7:30pm until about 6:15am. We had a few months of thinking you might be going to one nap because it had gotten so very hard to put you to sleep for the morning nap. However, we were a little premature on that when we started (in October) so we had to go back to two naps for awhile. Now our schedule has been very consistent and it is working great. Note to all new parents: don't sweat it. Your baby will sleep eventually. We do our little routine at night which includes saying goodnight to about ten of the things in your room. As we walk around, I say "Goodnight Piggy Bank" and then you pucker your lips and lean forward to give the piggy bank a kiss. This is repeated "Goodnight Treasure Box. Good night Dog", etc. We end with Goodnight Cow and you pull the string on our flying cow mobile and it's wings move. Then we go Good night Fairy and you hit the hanging fairy that Grandma Phyllis and Grandpa Joel gave you. Then I say Goodnight Mommy and try to get you to give me a kiss which you usually do not do and then Goodnight Light and you turn the light out yourself. I then nurse you for about ten minutes, put you in the crib and you fall asleep on your own. You had your first sleep-over at Grandma and Grandpa's house on December 4 and you slept through the whole night until about 5am when Grandma got up and gave you a bottle and you fell back to sleep in her arms. We did have a few weeks of you waking at 5am and we worked really hard to get you to take that extra hour of sleep by going in your room and telling you it was still night and you had to go back to sleep. And after just a few days, it worked.

Another big sleep break-through was that you had your first sleepover at Grandma and Grandpa's house and now Daddy and I are freeeeeeee!!!!!!! Well, now we can occasionally both sleep a little late at least. It might surprise you to learn that we are willing to leave you with your grandparents when you hear that at a sleepover, Grandma realized her sleep sack for you was too small and so she decided to cut it with you in it. You moved unpredictably as 15 month olds do from time to time. You toe met the scissors Grandma was using and you ended up with a cut on one of your toes. You also learned the word "boo boo" and spent a lot of time showing it to everyone, learning to love bandaids and also kissing your booboo to make it better.

You are, in general, a great communicator and even if you don't have the actual words for what you want, you make it very clear to us. For example, when you are hungry, you will point to your mouth, go into the kitchen, stand next to the refrigerator and yell "MamaMamaMama" as loud as you can until someone comes and gives you something. However, no matter how hungry you are, you cannot be coerced into eating something you don't want. You do not like food shoved into your mouth via a spoon that you are not holding. You really never ate baby food or mashed vegetables of any kind and that continues. You, however, love to feed yourself pieces of steamed vegetables, frozen peas, cut up fruits, etc. You also love nuts especially when I chew them first and then feed them to you which sounds very disgusting but makes me feel a little bit like a mommy bird feeding her baby bird. Also your weight is in the 8% so I know it is good for you to eat foods like nuts that have a lot of calories and fat. Speaking of which, at your 15 month old check-up on Tuesday, you weighed 19 pounds 4 oz and were 30 1/2 inches putting you around 60% for height. An advantage of being the second child, I suppose, is that you get a lot more treats than Stella got at your age. I remember vehemently holding out until Stella was almost two to let her try ice cream. And candy, forget it. But you are so curious about anything that Stella is eating especially so you have had your fair share of ice pops, cupcakes, etc. We had many meals at the Brooklyn Diner when we were visiting Dad at Peewee rehearsals. You were a big fan of this restaurant because of the free lollipops.

You seem to have 100% comprehension and one of our favorite "games" to play with you is to give you some slightly complicated directiions like "Vivian, can you get that red ball and give it to Daddy" and watch you do it. We sometimes try to trick you but you almost always understand perfectly and do whatever is asked. You love to make sounds and have us copy you or vice versa. You laugh often and easily. You love to be thrown on the bed and tickled. You frequently hoist yourself onto one of the chairs at your and Stella's art table (previously Stella's art table, now a shared one) by lying on your stomach and pulling yourself onto the chair. You then work you way onto your butt and then climb up onto the table where you can get at Stella's magic markers. You LOVE scribbling. I am trying to get you equally interested in washable crayons. Even though we have plenty of washable markers, somehow you often get your hands on the permanent ones and now lots of your clothing has scribbles on it. We set you up at the easel with markers or crayons and you have a great time drawing.

You often do a hands-free downward dog by planting your head on the ground and looking behind you through your straddled legs. Sometimes you then attempt a forward roll from that position. Sometimes we can get you to laugh really hard by doing a downward dog of our own and looking at you upside down. You love these two music boxes we have on top of the piano and will often ask us (by grunting) to take them down for you and wind them up so they play. If we only bring one down you say "Bo. Bo" which may or may not mean both but which you will not stop doing until we bring the other one down and play them both simultaneously creating a music box cacophony.

You call "Goodnight Moon" "Hot" and point to the fire on each page saying "Hot." "Hot" each time you see it. You do not, however, love "Goodnight Moon". Usually by about the fourth page you close the book and say "No!" You love "Goodnight Gorilla" and enjoy pointing out the balloon (cute word alert) that is on many of the pages. Lately, though, you especially want to read the few books we have about dogs or with pictures of dogs. In fact, tonight when I told you it was time to read books, you looked at me with your beautiful blue eyes and said, "Daw. Daw." and I knew just which books you wanted to read.

Our whole holiday season with you was lots of fun and it seems like you are going to fit right in with this holiday loving family. You were a trooper at the Thanksgiving Day parade and seemed to enjoy the floats and confetti. Afterwards, I ran the whole way to Grand Central Station pushing you in the stroller so you could nap before we got on the train to Beth and Dov's. We had a wonderful time there and you discovered a Disney princess car thing that you fell in love with. Grandma Roz joined us for the first night of Hanukkah and we lit the menorah every night. You loved all the Christmas lights and the little tree we put in the window. Stella really wanted a big tree this year but we thought it would be too risky that you might pull it over or something so we opted for a small one that was really great. We went to see Santa at Macy's which was a little traumatic for you. Sorry.

We had a wonderful, fun celebration on Christmas eve with Grandma, Grandpa, Steven, Clara, Sonya, Barry, Ava and Lee. You were really sweet with Lee who entertained you with his ipad for quite awhile. Oh how you love to get your little hands on an iphone, computer, or other similar device. You got some beautiful clothes, a snail pull toy and a push tricycle which Clara and Stella pushed you on for a long time and which you did NOT want to get off of.

Daddy and I got you play-doh, the aforementioned washable crayons, bath crayons and a new toy that was accidentally sent to the office and so you have not yet received it. You were pretty indifferent to your presents this year so Stella opened them for you which you did not seem to mind. You did get pretty excited by Stella's new toy dog that walks.

I know that we are nearing the end of our breastfeeding relationship and I feel a little sad about that. It is such a special time I have with you and I will miss it terribly for the rest of my life. I think that is why I am hanging on to the one or two times a day that we still have that intimacy. I just love being able to hold you so close and play with your hair or rub your cheek or hold your hand or just gaze down at your beautiful face. I feel so lucky to get to be your mom. I also marvel at how far we have come. I was in such pain in the early days of breastfeeding. All those lactation consultants and breastfeeding classes where I went to get advice. The clicking sound you used to make which I knew meant you were breaking your latch but couldn't get to go away. Getting your frenulum clipped and then having you go on a nursing/feeding strike for a night. And now it is all so effortless and wonderful. Remember the cloth diapers? Remember how we used to put a hairdresser on right next to your bouncy chair to get you to sleep when you were a newborn? We just returned the bassinet to Sonya finally. You haven't slept in it since you were about four months old but we still had it in our bedroom. After it was gone, there was this hole in our bedroom and it made me sad for a minute to truly acknowledge that that bassinet was gone from our lives forever. I do get a bit sad with each new development of yours. But I am working hard to stay present, to live in and enjoy each moment with you and it is really working. You are a fun, sweet, gentle, funny, adorable and deeply gratifying little girl and I am simply so happy -to be your mommy.

I love you lots.

Love,
Mama

To Stella, 5.4

2010-12-28T22:12:00.019-05:00

Read Vivian's note for apologies and excuses about my not having written your update since the summer. Ugh.
There is no way I can do a comprehensive re-cap because things happen with you on a daily basis that I literally cannot remember the very night they happened. You say amazing things all the time and I think "Oh I have to write this in the blog" and then, for the life of me, I cannot remember them just a few hours later. So as I resolved for Vivian, I am going to try really hard in the coming year to just write little things more so that you will one day know (and Daddy and I will remember) all these incredible things that you have done and said in your sixth year of life.

The thought of going all the way back to September to re-cap the past few months is way too daunting. I can hardly remember all the way back to your first day of school.

You are a Red Roomer now, the oldest class at school.

This is a source of tremendous pride and, of course, a highlight is that you are allowed to go to the bathroom by yourselves. There is a rule that you often remind me of "No tea parties in the bathroom" but I still suspect that you enjoy going there on pretty much a daily basis. You have been doing such a stellar job in school this year. Robert, your Silver Room teacher was joking with me the other day that you are double majoring in Silver and Red because you are obsessed with going to visit Beryl (your last year's teacher) before and after school everyday -- or as often as we will allow. You really have a very special bond with her. For Hanukkah, you wrote cards to all your Red Room teachers saying "Thank you for being my teacher" or "I love you because you are my teacher" and then you wanted to write notes to your former Silver Room teachers as well saying "Thank you for being my last year's teacher." Robert said that you were the first former student ever to be included in the teachers' Hanukkah packets. You and Daddy walk up the stairs (seven flights) every day and you are keeping all of the stickers you get as a reward from the school office on a chart at home. At our parent conference in November, your teachers told us that they don't know how we divest ourselves of you and allow you to go to school each day and I know what they mean. I miss you so much when you aren't with me. But you are still a great reporter and share much of what goes on each day. It is always so much fun to hear about your job-- you tell me, for example, with such enthusiasm, "Mommy!! Guess what? I am the vacuum cleaner this week!" You are simply so excited about EVERYTHING, your joy for life is one of my favorite things about you and I am going to do everything I can to help you hold on to that. It is amazing.

You were also the first person to bring home the letter box and we had such a fun time looking around the apartment for all of the things we could find that start with the letter T. We put in a t shirt, toothbrush, telephone, toy, trumpet, trophy, tape and a few other things. Some other Red Room highlights include the Red Room song which you love to sing, "Girls rule, boys drool.", Zeebo, your Native American headdress and the rain dance song which you performed with great enthusiasm in our living room (complete with shaker), and Blue Bubbles, the fish that died and was then replaced by George and Isabel. You were not happy that the fish was named Blue Bubbles because there had been a vote and "Rainbow Cake" got your nod of approval. You love to bring Vivian in to the classroom at pick-up or drop-off and show her around.The Red Room Hanukkah party was so much fun.

We loved watching your sparkly eyes as you sang songs with Jody and then showed us all the special things in your classroom. You were especially excited about the cake your made shaped like a giant menorah with sprinkles all around.

It is so nice right now on Winter Break to just have you around all the time, to wake up in the morning and just think, "What should we do today?" rather than have to rush to get dressed, eat breakfast and get you out the door on time.

We have been applying to schools for you next year and it has been such a pleasure because you have been enthusiastic and easygoing about all the visits. The whole thing has gone really well and I think they loved you at many of the schools you visited. You did have a stomach ache when I picked you up from the Red Room for one of your visits. I told you we would just go, do the visit and then go right home -- that you could skip the birthday party you also had that afternoon. You said okay. We hung out for about an hour -- going to a toy store, having a little snack and walking near the east river -- until it was time for the visit. The minute we walked into the school which shall remain nameless, you threw up everywhere. Like a totally huge, surreal amount. You were so very sick. And then you remained sick for about four horrible days. Daddy and I cleaned up a lot of throw-up. For the record, you picked the right school to be sick at -- it was one Dad and I did not like so much for you. Although you did go back and do a fine job there a few weeks later. On the re-visit, you asked Daddy (who took you) if he liked that school and he said he did. You answered, "Oh, because Mommy said I threw up at the right school." You have a very good memory and you listen to everything we say. This is a great quality but also a dangerous one for a mom and dad.

We just got two fish to replace the many that died last year and you have named them Isabel and Swimmy. You do not like it when we call Isabel 'Issy" so we have stopped doing that. So far you are a very good Fish Mommy and you enjoy feeding them, testing their water, etc. You have been a little bit angry with Isabel who seems to chase Swimmy around the tank and rushes to eat fish food before Swimmy can get to it (although there is plenty for both of them). Every morning you ask excitedly if you can feed them and then you do so. You have also decorated the shelf where we are keeping the fish tank with lots of little pictures so that the fish have a happy environment.

Daddy told me a funny thing you said. Last week we had to have Juan, our super, come up into our apartment two days in a row to fix some things. Then on the third day, you guys saw him in the elevator and you turned to Dad and said, "It seems like we have been seeing a lot more of Juan lately." These are the kind of cute observations you make on a daily basis.

You had a sleepover at Grandma and Grandpa's so Daddy and I could go out for our anniversary. I was a little bit dressed up and Grandpa Paul said as I was leaving, "You look beautiful." You answered, "Mommy always looks beautiful" which just made me feel so good. I feel the same way about you.

At the very beginning of your holiday break, we took a family ski trip to Okemo where you skied for the first time.

We got you a few private lessons and you did really well and totally loved it. Your instructor, Libby, LOVED you so much and told us that you were the best beginner she had ever taught in 17 years of teaching skiing. They had a thing at the hotel bar where you could order 'smores and you got a little sterno fire with all the ingredients to make your own. You were a phenomenal smores chef and took great pride in your ability. You also got a caricature of yourself done which looks absolutely nothing like you. We all had a good laugh about that.

We had a wonderful holiday season including a trip to visit Santa at Macy's. Mrs. Claus was there too.

You are still a big believer in Santa Claus although you ask lots of questions about him. "Is there just one Santa for everybody?" "How do the elves make all the toys?" "Is Santa a regular person?" You were very interested to know whether the Santa at Macy's was the real Santa. I also had a video email sent to you from the portable North Pole and it included a picture of you on the nice list in Santa's book. You were so happy to see yourself there and, because he had a picture of you, you determined that it was the real Santa. However, you were a little surprised because he had a very very long beard -- much longer than the Santa at Macy's. I am not sure how you synthesized all of these things but you did somehow. Santa at Macy's told you to leave cookies and milk and carrots for the reindeer which you did. In return, he left you a dog that walks (which you wanted SO much), Spin Art, a bunch of work books, a kit with science experiments including a rainbow volcano and some other things. I filled your stocking with lots of silly bands and some bookmarks. You were so excited when you went to the living room and saw all the presents and so enthusiastic opening your gifts. Several times you declared it, 'The best Christmas ever!" You and I also took a gingerbread house making class which was great fun and the product was pretty incredible. You worked so hard and meticulously on the candy corn roof.

A few days after Christmas you got so sick with a super high fever and a really bad headache. You could barely get out of bed and we were not able to do all of the fun things we had planned. Thankfully, you are feeling better now but it was sad to spend a whole week of your school break sick. I held you a lot.

Daddy and I agree that you are the most fun kid. You are great company, so cooperative and kind and intelligent. We love being with you and seeing things through your eyes. You have become a bit obsessed with the Rob Ashford "Annie" and have been watching it kind of a lot. At night, we sometimes put on a song and you will do a dance show for us. This is a highlight of my life -- watching you jump around the living room and all over the furniture dancing to songs from Annie (or songs from anywhere). You have great moves and such exuberance. You know all the actors in both the old "Annie" (the movie) and the Rob Ashford one. The other day we were in a taxi and the Taxi TV was on and you saw an ad for a new TV show. You said, "Oh look, Mommy. Kathy Bates." and you were right. You really really want a playdate with Victor Garber and Kathy Bates. I'm not sure we are going to be able to arrange this but you sure are hoping. Victor Garber is really one of your favorites because he plays both Jesus ("Godspell") and Daddy Warbucks.

I would be remiss if I did not also mention that you are an extraordinarily good big sister.

You let Vivian play with almost all your toys although it is sometimes hard to share your dog that walks.

It is a privilege to be your mom. I am very lucky.

Love,
Mommy

Halloween

2010-11-01T11:31:00.004-04:00

We had such a great Halloween with Dorothy and the lion plus a mommy with
crazy pink eyelashes and a mustachioed Dad.
We cut off a tail of one lion costume and David sewed it
to a onesie from the gap making a relatively comfortable
lion costume for a little one.
I scoured the city for comfortable yet sparkly Dorothy shoes (not really actually. I knew
exactly where to get them as the mom of a sparkly loving five year old.)
Much candy was obtained. But surprisingly not consumed.
Our little lion walking down the street pushing
her doll stroller followed by Dorothy holding the lion's tail
was one of the all time cutest things.

We went to a party at Celia's house trick or treating in all
the stores on Broadway between our house and Celia's.
Also, apparently I love my husband with a mustache. Who knew?

To Stella, 5

2010-11-01T10:26:00.002-04:00

As I write this, you are already 5.2 but the blog has suffered what with the addition of a new child. And we have been applying to Kindergarten for you so, rather than writing blog notes and updates, I have been writing application essays. Also, I have been working this fall and therefore not been so good about keeping up here. Finally, as you get older, it is harder to write these notes too because every day is packed with incredible things that you say that blow my mind in the moment and then that I cannot remember when I think to write in here. But I definitely wanted to write about your birthday party this summer and to tell you a little bit about the amazing, fun, smart, interesting five year old girl you have become.

We were in East Hampton for your birthday, nearing the end of what was the GREATEST SUMMER EVER! I continued to ask you if you wanted to have a party with your friends but you were adamant that you did not and that you only wanted a family party. You are a very social little girl with lots of friends and we think you should have the kind of party you want so we were fine to continue this tradition. However, we did want to do something special, something that you might remember. And so Daddy and I rented a giant pink princess jumpy castle at our house. We had the greatest day jumping and playing in it and then we had a great dinner and birthday cake. We also got a butterfly pinata which you really wanted, filled it with candy and hung it on a tree outside where you and Clara had a great time wacking it. Fortunately, little bits of candy dropped out a you hit it so it was unclear who actually broke it. Eventually, I think it was Dad who really split it open.

You got a lot of great presents including a very cool, pink acoustic guitar.

Overall, the month in East Hampton was crazy fun. You got to be a bit of a stronger swimmer although you still don't want to put your face in the water. I was very proud to have taught you to blow bubbles, though, and you were very proud to be able to do that. You practiced quite a bit with "stop signs" (me or Dad or another grown-up in your path who would hold you for a rest) and eventually could swim the long way across the pool. We played a lot of fun games with kickboards. We would also have a pretend restaurant where you were the Italian chef (on the steps of the pool) and I was the waitress who had to swim around and bring everyone their food. We played lots and lots of a card game called Sleeping Queens and a little bit of Sorry and Trouble. And you did tons of pretend with Clara and with Grandma and Grandpa. You also were a great big sister to Vivian and often included her in your games. She got a wooden push stroller and you did love to push her in it even though it was really for her to practice walking. We had a fantastic time at the beach, a few great playdates with Jane and long, lazy days relaxing and playing at our house. Daddy came on the weekends and it was always really fun to go pick him up at the train. When we was with us, he took you for long bike rides. You guys would go to a cemetery near our house and ride around and look at the tombstones. There was one of a six week old and you put some of the fringes from your bike handles on the tombstone. As always, Daddy came up with his great obstacle courses and it was such fun to watch you and Clara running around the lawn. You are getting faster and faster and we are still amazed by what an incredible athlete you are.

There was one morning at breakfast where Grandpa looked at you and said, "Stella, you have a nine year old brain trapped in a five year old body." Grandma asked if you knew what that meant and you said, "I am only five years old" and I asked you why you had a nine year old brain and you said, "Because I'm so smart." All the grown-ups at the table looked at each other with amazement that you totally understood what grandpa was saying. But that's how you are. You just get things.

You ended up spending most nights this summer on a mattress on the floor of Grandma and Grandpa's room. At first you were sleeping in a room with Clara but she is such a light sleeper that that didn't work out. I think you were a little disappointed at first but then so happy to get to sleep with your grandparents. And they were really happy to get to wake up with you and talk to you in the morning. Sometimes when I would get up with Vivian, I would hear you whispering with them in the bedroom. I love that you have such a nice, warm relationship with my parents.

Right up until the day before your birthday, I kept asking you how old you were and you would say "four and three quarters". I could not bear the thought that I would never hear that again. It is such a mixture of joy and sadness to be a parent and to watch your kid grow up. I couldn't be happier or prouder of the girl you are or more excited to get to know the grown-up you someday. But I miss terribly the little one who you no longer are. I'm happy though that you still love to cuddle and to be held and I will always hold you for as long as you will let me.

I love you so much. I hope you had a happy happy fifth birthday.
Love,
Mama

Happy Birthday Vivian

2010-10-01T10:55:00.000-04:00

We had such a great birthday party for Vivian on September 25 at Back Forty (great, fun restaurant in the East Village).
We got a fabulous, big table in the garden and the weather was perfect.
Guests were me, Dad, Stella, Grandma, Grandpa, Grandma Roz, Sonya, Clara and Sonya's friend Lisanne.
Menu was decadent brunch food including donuts, watermelon salad, fried chicken and waffles, white bean ragout with soft scrambled eggs, bacon, sweet corn pancakes and cupcakes with Vivan's picture on them.
On the invitation, I wrote
Please come celebrate our fabulous
Vivian Jane
on the occasion of her first birthday!
She might even take a couple steps for you.
And lo and behold, she DID take lots of steps that day, her first real walking.
Born on her due date.
First confident steps at her birthday party.
This kid is right on schedule and perfect in every way!

To Vivian, One

2010-09-23T21:45:00.006-04:00

Dear Vivian,

It is just incredible to me that you have already been with us for a whole year. On the other hand, it is so hard to remember what our family was like without you. I look at you sometimes and I can still remember the teeny tiny little baby inside of me. When you get the hiccups I remember what it felt like to feel you having the hiccups in my stomach. Sometimes I just watch you move your arms around and it looks the way it felt when you were moving inside me. It is hard to explain but the most wonderful thing in the world to know that the amazing baby I am looking at was formed and grew inside of me.

We have such a strong and special connection. You get so excited when I come home after we have been apart for awhile. Sometimes it almost seems like you are going to hyperventilate you are so happy. You love for me to hold you and you really protest when I put you down. You cry when I leave, or when you are leaving me to go the park (or anywhere else). Even if I am just going to the other room, you will let me know that you don't like it one bit! Although it breaks a part of my heart, it also makes me happy that you love me so much and want to be with me above anyone else. I feel exactly the same way! Although truth be told, there have been a few times when Daddy has handed you to me saying, "Here. Take this" and you have been miserable about the exchange. So I think you like him a lot too. And last week when we went apple picking, Stella really wanted to hold you as we walked down the hill with our apples. We felt like it was a little dangerous when the hill got steep and so we took Stella aware from you and you really protested so much that we had to give you back to Stella. Never was there a happier five year old. You really made her day!

The past two months have been particularly monumental. We had an amazing time in August in East Hampton and you especially seemed to really love living with Grandma Helaine, Grandpa Paul, Clara, Steven and Sonya. You slept in the walk-in closet in my and Daddy's room and I think the fact that it was so so dark really helped you to sleep well. You bonded a lot with Grandma and Grandpa who were happy to get to know you so well. You were basically a celebrity in East Hampton, the way everyone treated you. The conversation between Clara and Stella at breakfast often revolved around who would get to sit next to you at dinner. The big girls were almost always very nice to you and played with you and you were always so happy to be included. You loved the pool and would definitely let us know when you wanted to go in the water. We bought you a wooden baby stroller, push cart thing that has really helped your walking. You can take about three steps on your own now but you can push that cart much further than that!

You are getting to be a pretty good climber. In fact, the other day I tried really hard to put you down for a nap and it just wasn't working. Eventually I decided to just leave you in your crib for a few minutes to see what would happen. Well, what happened was that you somehow climbed out of your crib. I discovered this when I heard a loud thud and opened your bedroom door to find you flat on your back crying really hard. I have no idea how you managed to get out of your crib but this was a hard-won reminder that it was time we move your crib mattress to its lowest position. I'm really sorry that that happened to you by the way.

You are an unbelievable communicator. When you want something, you really let us know. If we are feeding you broccoli, but you want the cherry tomato across the table, you will point and talk, "ooooo ooooo oooooo" until we figure out what it is you want. You have very strong and specific desires and are always very determined to get what it is you want. You love holding a toothbrush in each hand and sometimes when I was giving you a bath in the sink in East Hampton, you would not let up pointing and grunting until I gave them to you. I think Grandma and Grandpa probably had a couple nights where they had to brush their teeth with their fingers.

Some of your favorite tricks are kissing (I will say, "Vivian, can I have a kiss" and you pucker up your lips or lean forward so that I can kiss your head. So sweet), waving (still so amazing and adorable. I never get tired of this!), and clapping. Also, whenever we put on music, we can definitely count on you to dance.

Sometimes when you are breastfeeding I remember back to the early days when we were having some trouble and I just marvel at how far you have come. Now you breastfeed like a pro! Remember when I was so worried because it didn't seem like breastfeeding was soothing to you? Remember when that little clicking sound used to drive me crazy because I knew it meant something was wrong? Remember when we had your frenulum cut and you refused to breastfeed for awhile? Remember how you wouldn't take a bottle? Remember all those different pacifier brands I bought in the hopes that one of them would appeal to you -- all to no avail?

You continue to be very friendly, waving to everyone you see. You make a particular point at vehemently waving at anyone who isn't paying attention to you and you will just keep at it until they notice and acknowledge you. You laugh easily and often. You make Stella feel really good when you crawl through the apartment looking for her or when she leaves the room and you cry out "Ella!!!" You are the happiest little baby. Everyone comments on how happy you are. It is so very easy to make you laugh which is quite gratifying. Basically if anyone plays with you at all and makes even a vaguely funny face, you burst out in peals of laughter. My favorite sound.

You are as attached to your monkey as ever. You get so happy to see him when it is time to go to sleep, it is very cute. You also like to spread the monkey love so you will sometimes put the monkey's head up to my lips or my face so I can give or get a kiss. I am really glad that I get to share your monkey but even more glad that I get to share your life.

In honor of your birthday today, you came with me to pick up Stella and we went out to lunch with Monica and Jasper. You like pizza. I think it is a safe guess that your sister did not try pizza when she was just one. In fact, you have tried many many foods that she couldn't even dream about at your age, such is the lot of the younger sister. If Stella is eating a lollipop or an ice pop, you will not stop going "ooooooo!!!!! ooooooooo!!!!" until you get a taste. After lunch, we went to a shoe store and a kids clothing store and then went to Grandpa's office. My plan was to take you to the zoo because you love animals so much, I thought it would be really fun. It was, however, extremely hot this afternoon and Stella felt like it was way too hot. I think it was okay with you because you seemed to have a great time at the office and you got to see Grandpa and Daddy who came to the office right before we left. You were so happy to see him get off the elevator. Then we walked to Central Park and you fell asleep on the way. You woke up after we got there and we went to a playground with a huge slide that Stella went down a zillion times while I pushed you on the swing, a favorite activity for you. Eventually it was time to go and I was pretty worried about our getting a taxi before Stella had a hunger meltdown. Your birthday definitely brought us luck because we got one fairly quickly on 68th and 5th at 6pm. Not an easy feat. Tomorrow we are having your party, a brunch at Back Forty. We are all very excited about it.

Happy Birthday, my dear sweet Vivian. I had no idea how great it would be to have another little girl but I could not wish for anything better than you in my life. I have loved being your mommy this year and I am so excited to get to continue watching you grow up every day.

I love you.
Love,
Mama

The End of an Era

2010-09-06T20:19:00.002-04:00

I broke down tonight and told Stella that the place she likes to ride her scooter downstairs
is the "lobby" not the "lovvy" (actually it seems she figured that one out herself) and that
it was the "Statue of Liberty" not the "Statue of Liverty". Also, Stella read two very basic
books to me tonight. I'd probably be crying if we didn't have Vivian still in the baby stage.

To Stella, 4.11

2010-07-30T16:33:00.007-04:00

I have to get in one more letter before you turn 5, a development that I can hardly believe is happening. There is such a huge part of me that wants to scream to you, "I LOVE HAVING A FOUR YEAR OLD IN THE HOUSE! DON'T GO LITTLE FOUR YEAR OLD!" It is just so much fun to live with a four year old -- or at least YOU as a four year old. I will miss it forever after you turn 5. You are such good company, a tremendously huge help, lots of fun and you say tons of adorable things all the time.

You continue to be an unbelievably great big sister. You love carrying Vivian around and it is pretty cute the way you sling her around on your hip like a little mommy. You've also started carrying your dolls that way, as though they weigh 18 pounds (as Vivian does). It is a sight to see -- you carrying a baby half your weight and size -- and whenever you do it in public, lots of people comment on it, on how impressed they are or how adorable it is. You love this and so you often ask if you can carry her when we are in a restaurant or, well basically in any public place. It really bothers me and Daddy when you just pick her up and move her when she is on her way crawling for something or happily playing. We have been trying to explain to you the importance of letting her be free and follow her own mind and you sort of get it but you sometimes just can't help yourself.

This month we were in Williamstown where I was directing a play. Daddy could not come with us because he had a job in Santa Fe so you, me, Vivian and Ranny lived together in a house. It was basically my first job since Vivian was born and I was a little nervous about it. I found a camp for you that I hoped would be good but I was very worried that you wouldn't like it. There were two options -- 9am-12pm and 9am-3pm. The longer day sounded really long to me but the shorter day would still leave you with a lot of hours of just hanging around with Ranny and Vivian. I just signed you up for three weeks and told you that you were going to have to do 15 days of camp like it or not. I hoped the long day would work but knew I had the shorter option in my back pocket. The first day you were a little scared at drop off but it only took a little crying before you were ready to let me go. When I left the building, I started to cry too. I was so proud of you for being brave and for how far you've come since you were a Sun Roomer. I also worried about you, of course, although I quickly learned there was no reason for that. When I picked you up you were very happy. After that, you went to camp for the long day and you ended up doing 4 1/2 weeks rather than three because you loved it so much. One of the things that really sold you on it was that the counselors were not counselors but "real pre-school teachers". You really need to know that you are going to be with responsible grownups who will keep you safe. You had a great counselor, Sue, who you really loved a lot. Once in a while you forgot her name when you were talking about her and would call her "Ho" which was always good for a laugh. Everyday I packed you a lunch and a snack. On one of the first long days of camp, you ate your lunch and snack all together at snack time so you didn't have anything at lunch. When you told me about this, you were fine about it, it definitely was not upsetting to you. But my heart broke for a minute, I think just to be reminded how hard it still is for you to learn and remember the "rules", how things go in the world. The next day when I dropped you at camp, you gave me a big hug and looked really brave like you were trying not to cry as you said, "I'm not going to eat my lunch during snack today."

We had a lot of fun in Williamstown. You became very independent and outgoing. You came with me to meetings whenever you could and were always really well-behaved. At my first production meeting, there were a lot of people there and we all went around and introduced ourselves. When it came to my turn I introduced myself and then said, "And that is Stella and she can ride a two wheel bike with no training wheels!" Everyone clapped. You looked very proud. Later you told me that what I said about you was much better than what everyone else was going around saying -- things like my name is blah blah, I am the costume designer blah blah blah. You are right. It is much cooler to ride a two wheel bike with no training wheels!

There was a kid's show at one point in the summer called "Camp Monster" which I took you to see and which you then went to see again with your camp. Our friend Gail was in it and you were very excited to see her performing and especially excited that she pointed to you at one point in the show when she sang, "Nobody's normal -- especially YOU!" You told anyone who asked that "Camp Monster" was the best show at Williamstown this summer. But you did watch the whole second act of my show one day and I was pretty impressed that you were able to sit through it. 45 minutes. Lots of talking. No songs. You also watched tech rehearsal a few times. At one of them, after about five minutes, you turned to Amy, the playwright and said, "This is a boring show."

One night we went out to Mezze, the nicest restaurant in Williamstown. We sat at the bar and shared a cherry tomato appetizer and the salmon. You love sitting at the bar and it is such fun to go out to eat with you because you really appreciate good food. Plus, you and I generally have the same taste in food so it is easy to share.

After rehearsal you would often ride your bike and I would jog next to you. Then we would go play in the playground and do obstacle courses. We also went to the public swimming pool a bunch of times and your swimming got much much better. You love the grocery store in Williamstown because they have little carts for you to push. We went out for ice cream together. Grandma Helaine, Grandpa Paul, Steven, Clara, Grandma Phyllis, Grandpa Joel and Noa all came to visit at various times. You had a great time with everyone. Thank you for helping to make it possible for me to work, for being such an excellent daughter and big sister and for viewing everything as an adventure. Our house in Williamstown was only okay but when you saw it and saw the swing in the backyard and the secret hideout (attic), you thought it was the best house ever! If you didn't have such a great attitude and didn't see things so positively, I never would have been able to manage. Thanks.

Another very momentous occasion this month Danny and Melissa's wedding in which Daddy was a groomsmen and you were a flower girl or, more precisely, a "Rainbow Girl". You were very worried about being the flower girl so we changed your title to something that you were more comfortable with. You were pretty nervous leading up to it. You didn't really want to wear the dress that Melissa had had made for you. You were excited about the wedding but less excited about your participation in it. But you did a great job! You never changed out of the dress even though I brought a back-up for the reception. You did a perfect job as Rainbow Flower Girl and loved doing it. In fact, you are now excited to be a flower girl for Michael and Ilana in October. We had a great time at the wedding. There were lots of kids there and you had tons of fun playing with them -- especially with Leonard Sandler. You were really friendly and adorable and you stayed up super late two nights in a row. On the way back to our inn after the wedding, you expired.

Last week we were back at home and you and I were having breakfast or dinner together when you told me that you knew what order we were going to die in: me, then Daddy, then you, then Vivian (you still pretty much think that people die in age order). I told you that I hoped that was true and you looked at me incredulous and asked, "You want to die first?" I said that I did because then I would never have to miss you guys. You looked thoughtful for a moment and then said, "That's a good point."

A few other current Stella cuteisms:

"The tomorrow of that day" which refers to the day after some time in the past.

"What a drug" - your comment when you found out we were going to have to chance trains to get from East Hampton to NYC.

And one that had me and Dad in hysterics for hours and still makes us laugh whenever we think of it: We were in a taxi, you had a pen in your hand and said, "I'm going to put that in my pursie" which we both misunderstood and thought you'd said, um, something else. Never mind. You'll understand when you're older.

Thanks for making everything so much fun. Our lives are much better since we share them with you.

I love you.
Love,
Mommy

To Vivian, ten months old

2010-07-30T16:32:00.007-04:00

I have been thinking a lot about you on this, your ten month birthday. You continue to be such a wonderful, happy presence in our lives and I'm just so thankful to have you and to know you. In so many ways, these past ten months have been the best in my life. You have added so much to our family and have helped me to grow in so many ways, it is pretty amazing. I can think back to about a year ago when we were very excited about the coming addition but also really worried that a new baby might screw up what was already a pretty great thing. I had no way of knowing how wonderful it would be for Stella to have a sister and Daddy and I never in a million years imagined we would get such a delightful, easy, playful, fun baby. Also having a second child -- and especially you as a second child -- has made me realize how truly capable I am at being a mother and how much I love my family. Both our family and my life feel so much more complete with you in them. Daddy and I have discussed how we both feel like we are back in a honeymoon phase -- just so in love with each other and with our family and so excited about our lives. These are great gifts that you have given us and we are very grateful.

This month we were in Williamstown where I was directing a play, my first real directing job since you were born. I was so worried about going back to work, worried about how you and Stella would do in Williamstown and whether I would be able to concentrate at work. It ended up being a huge challenge for me but really great for all of us. We lived in a house with stairs and you became very proficient at crawling up them.

Everyday Ranny would bring you to my rehearsal during my lunch break so I could feed you. When you saw me walking towards you on the grass, you would break out in the biggest smile and almost hyperventilate. It is the best feeling ever to have someone so excited to see you. A bad morning of rehearsal would be instantly erased by how happy I was to see you too.

While you hung around the theater, lots of people paid a lot of attention to you which made you very happy. You wave to everyone now to say both hi and bye and your crooked wave has been universally ordained "Cutest Baby Gesture Ever". My lead actress, Katharine, had her five month old son in tow and, after I fed you on my break, you would usually crawl over to them for a little visit. Sam seemed as interested in you as you were in him. You are a truly social baby who loves to be around other people -- especially other babies and who gets so very happy when people pay attention to you and play with you. It is so easy to make you smile your super adorable two-toothed smile. It is also pretty easy to make you laugh and your giggle is currently my favorite sound. Stella loves to make you laugh too although sometimes it doesn't work as well and then she gets so upset that you laugh at me but not at her. Babies just love their mommies best but your big sister doesn't accept that. But the truth is, you absolutely adore Stella and the feeling is utterly mutual. Sometimes when she walks by you, she just puts her hand on your head and says "love" as she passes. She especially loves to pick you up and carry you around. She is very adept at it and really looks like a little mommy when she hoists you on her hip. But Daddy and I have been on her case about letting you crawl around and explore the world and not just picking you up and moving you around according to her whims. We are really conscious of this and are trying to allow you to maintain some freedom while also reaping the many rewards of having a big sister who just wants to play with you all the time.

In addition to waving, you now clap your hands. A few days ago I said, "Vivian, can you clap?" and you did. Then I said, "Vivian can you wave?" and you did. I was amazed that you understood me although I don't know why. Of course you can understand me. You have only performed this trick twice though. Since then, most of the time I ask you to wave or clap you just look at me and smile. (Daddy did tell me today that he took you into the bathroom with him and when he flushed the toilet you waved goodbye.) You are also babbling like crazy and it is sounding more and more like speech. And you finally say "Mama" loud and clear.

You cruise all over the place now. It is amazing how quickly you have gone from barely crawling to scurrying all over the place. You are starting to have pretty good balance and I think it won't be long before you are walking. You will pull up on anything and have even been known to use other babies as leverage when trying to push yourself to standing. You are under, over and through anything in your path and you are an extremely curious little explorer.

You are also eating up a storm. You still aren't crazy about mushy foods but you love to eat fruits and vegetables like brocolli and asparagus and plums. You especially enjoy feeding yourself and you really let it be known that you want to eat whenever you are around someone who is eating.

We went to our first wedding accompanied by our children and had a fantastic time. It was very hot so the ceremony part was a little challenging for you and we went and sat in the shade with the other moms and babies. But you seemed to have a really good time at the party. You got loads of attention from all of our friends and allowed lots of people to hold you. You are really surprisingly easygoing about that sort of thing and you generally make everyone feel that you like them.

Thank you so much for being so easygoing about my being back at work. I know that you missed me a lot -- and the feeling was totally mutual. I kept reminding myself that I would really be able to make it up to you in August when we wouldn't be apart at all because it was hard having to leave you so I could go to rehearsal everyday. My work is important to me and I do want you and Stella to see your mommy at work doing something she loves so I'm happy that I am able to do that but I miss you a lot when we are apart. You did start to cry often when I would have to leave you which made my heart break even though I know you were fine once I left. It is amazing how you can be playing totally happily with someone but as soon as you see me, you start to whimper and whine until I scoop you up into my arms.

I'm happy to hold you for as long as you want. I truly cherish these days having you as my little baby. I know how much I'll miss holding you when you are no longer small and I'm just loving every single second of having you. I don't even mind waking up in the middle of the night. I know it is just for a short time and I'm always happy to see your smiling face and to cuddle with you.

I love you so much, Vivi.

Love,
Mama

Stella Speaks

2010-07-12T23:01:00.002-04:00

I know that the days of Stella's adorable misspeaks will come to an end sooner than I'd like. And I know that we will forget some of the adorable things she says -- most of them probably -- if I don't write them down. Already there have been stories that I was convinced we'd never forget and just days after they've happened, I have turned to David and asked him to remind me and his recall has been no better than mine. So I am going to try to be better about coming here and just jotting down some of the adorable daily utterances.

Surely we won't soon forget "The Statue of Liverty" or the way she sings the 92Y Silver Room shabbat introduction song, "Friday is a special day, there are three blessings that we say. One for candles, one for wine, one for challah, it takes vine." David and I sing it that way too when we have a family sing-a-long just to ensure that Stella keeps it up for as long as possible.

A few recent cute misspeaks:
While playing with Vivian recently, Stella put her finger in the little dent in the back of her sister's neck. I commented, "isn't that little dent so adorable?" or something to that effect. A few minutes later, Stella turned to me and asked, "Did I have a cement in my neck when I was a baby?"

And just today we went to the public swimming pool in Williamstown. Stella's swimming is really getting quite good and she was out swimming in the deep end for awhile. She can't really be alone out there but she let me know that she would not need any help when we "got to the mellow end."

I'm always so torn about whether or not to correct her. Part of the mommy in me thinks that perhaps I owe it to her to sharpen her vocabulary and to ensure that she not make similar mistakes at school or camp. The other much more dominant mommy part says screw it, let's let this adorableness continue as long as possible.

Oh that reminds me, Stella is in camp here in Williamstown. She has two wonderful counselors who she adores, Sue and Katie. For some reason, though, when she is talking about Sue she often calls her "Ho". That never stops being funny.

To Vivian, nine months old

2010-07-05T22:18:00.004-04:00

I really cannot believe that you are already nine months old, that you have been outside my tummy for as long as you were inside. I do sometimes look at you and recognize the little baby who was once in me, especially when you have the hiccups! You had them a lot during those last months of pregnancy. I so loved being pregnant with you (after the horrible, torturous first trimester) and, even though it is better having you on the outside, I do miss it sometimes.

This has definitely been the most monumental month of development for you. One Saturday at Grandma and Grandpa's house, you practiced pulling up on their ottomon foot rest thing. We all just sat in the living room and watched you for hours. Until that day, you had pulled up a couple times at home but not often. But after practicing all day, you became a pro and that was all you wanted to do from then on. You just got better and better at it and were soon starting to cruise. This also made you a much stronger crawler. I think the desire to get to the destination where you could practice pulling up was very motivating and you are now crawling all over the place at a breakneck pace. All this moving prompted me to buy a jumperoo thing off of a friend of mine who has a baby a little older than you. That was a waste of money. We missed our jumperoo/exercauser window. You are already way too active and curious to go in one of those things.

I've been thinking a lot lately about how far you and I have come in the past nine months. Our breastfeeding relationship is so easy and lovely now and that was quite a journey. Remember when we cut your frenulum and you wouldn't eat for a day? That was so horrible and scary. And when I used to hear that clicking sound and know that you were breaking your latch and sometime wasn't quite right but I couldn't figure out how to fix it. Now I just listen to you suck, swallow, suck, swallow just as you are supposed to do.

Separation anxiety and stranger anxiety have both set in. At the same time, you seem to be quite independent for a baby. We went to playgroup recently and you were on the other side of the room from me playing with other babies and with toys. I don't think Stella ever would have done that, she was glued to my side. I am trying to encourage your independent nature (mostly in the hopes that we won't have a long drawn out separation process when you get to school -- just kidding) by letting you go off now that you can crawl away. It is cute when you move away a bit and then turn around just to check that I am still there.

You know all about gravity. You will drop your toys from your high chair and then peer over the edge to see where they've gone. You have also learned to wave bye bye which may be the world's most adorable thing. But then again there is so much about you that is just too too adorable. You are really ridiculously cute. And sweet. And I love you so much.

Love,
Mommy

Big Day!

2010-06-25T21:31:00.000-04:00

Today was a very big day.
Vivian said Mama for the first time.
Apparently while this mama was still asleep, Stella and Daddy were feeding her O's and she said "mah mah mah".
They asked, "More? Or Mama?" to which she distinctly replied "Mama". I, of course, missed this in favor of an extra hour of sleep. But then throughout the day, she kept saying it. Clear as day. After nine months with nary a letter m sound issuing from her little mouth, she finally got it together. She has been saying "dada" for ages so it is about time.

(Given that she is now saying my name, I thought it fitting to include a picture of her in what was my very first dress.)

And not to be outdone by her little sister, Stella learned to ride her bicycle with no training wheels. I missed this one too. I was shopping for a dress to wear to a wedding. David assured me that it would probably take all day to teach Stella to ride although I mentioned that I thought it was going to be very quick and easy. Usually he is right about these things so I figured I wouldn't miss too much. Apparently, she got on the bike, told David to let go and basically rode off.
I did receive a joyous phone call whilst in the dressing room of a little store on the Lower East Side. I did hurry home after purchasing a dress. And I did get to witness the splendor that is a little girl pedaling off experiencing a glimpse of freedom. It was very beautiful to watch.

I like the matching tongues sticking out in these pictures. Sisters indeed.

Silver Room Year End Party

2010-06-01T21:25:00.002-04:00

Dear Stella,

Today Daddy and I got to spend about an hour and a half in the Silver Room for the year end party. We were very proud of you and had a wonderful time. Your teachers had written something about each student -- what they will remember -- and Beryl read yours which I think made you very happy. You really have gotten so attached to her. She said some lovely things about you -- that you are a true bar star (your prowess on the monkey bars is apparent to all), that you are so enthusiastic about all the things that happen at school -- even sledding which you did not want to do initially but which you ended up loving. That you have lots of stories to tell about Clara (some apparently not PG) and that you are always the last one out of the classroom -- even if you have been dismissed and gone out, you always want to go back in. When I spoke privately to Robert he told me that you are fantastic, just the kind of kid a teacher really wants to have in his/her classroom, that you attack school and take it all in. Daddy and I already know all of this about you but it was really nice to hear. It is so obvious that your teachers adore you. You really are something special. They know it and so do we.

When we walked into the classroom, all the Silver Roomers were in a circle singing "This Little Light of Mine" with Jody playing the guitar. Your body language was precious, swaying to the music and so happy to have us in your classroom. You sang a lot of songs and then got to show us some things in your classroom. You were really excited for us to see the planet you created in your solar system book -- Planet Rainbow. I was happy to read that you, me, Daddy and Vivian all live there. It looks like a very happy planet with its rainbow colors, rainbow moon and sparkly silver ring. We ate a mini bagel and a cookie and then your class sang "Country Road" which is about the most precious thing you could ever hope to hear.

We are delighted that you have had such an amazing second year of pre-school. You have learned and grown so much and we are feel very privileged to be able to watch you grow up. Just please don't do it too quickly.

We love how proud you are of yourself and we are so proud of you too.
Love,
Mommy

To Vivian, eight months old

2010-05-25T21:19:00.006-04:00

This month you and I shared a birthday. You are 8 and I am a lot more than that. Happy 8 month birthday, sweet smiley daughter.

I think your most marked personality characteristic is how happy and smiley you are. It is remarkably easy to make you laugh hysterically by playing peek-a-boo or talking in a funny voice or teasing you with your pacifier where we put it in your mouth and then take it out and go "boop boop boop" as we move it closer and closer to you and then snatch it away at the last second. I admit this game sounds like baby torture but it makes you laugh so hard. Grandma Helaine invented it and was so happy when you started to laugh. In fact, I think that game went a long way towards cementing your relationship with her and you two are like best friends now. You always get so happy when you see her. And when you are happy, your whole body radiates with joy, you kick your legs and wave your arms and smile the biggest toothless grin. Sometimes happy squeals and laughter accompany this and before long Mommy, Daddy, Stella, Grandma, Grandpa -- whoever is with you -- is also laughing and smiling. It is such a great gift that you give us many times a day.

You get just this happy when we come to get you in the morning or in the middle of the night, when someone gives you undivided attention or when it is time to eat. By eat I mean breastfeed because you are still not very interested in solid food. You have had avocado, carrots, sweet potatoes, bananas, peas, rice cereal, egg yolk and a couple other things. By had I mean you have played with them, mashed them into your eyes and your hair, sprinkled them all over the high chair and floor and pushed them out of your mouth with your tongue. I'm kind of kidding. You definitely like avocado the best. And if we wait until you are really very hungry, you will eat a little bit. Then you will attack my breasts with a vengeance.

In the space of two weeks, you went from being a little wobbly in a sitting position, falling over backwards and bumping your head once in a while, to being a very confident sitter. We did have a few near tragic moments. Once I brought you into the bathroom with me so I could brush my teeth. As we walked in, I noted with anger that Stella's clothes from the night before were strewn about the floor. I put you down on the ground while I brushed and you fell over. But rather than hitting your head on the cold, hard tile, your fall was cushioned by Stella's clothes and I could no longer be upset with her for neglecting to put them in the hamper. Since that time, I have been very careful to put a pillow behind you just in case you topple. And one time you were sitting in the living room, peering into your big basket of toys. I looked away and before I knew it, you had knocked over the basket spilling all the toys out and knocking yourself over in the process. When these things happen, you cry hysterically. It seems unjust that the universe should violate you so. You still get scared by sudden loud noises. You also do not like to be disturbed while you are breastfeeding and are very easily distracted by Stella or the vacuum cleaner or any random sounds.

After you started sitting, it was only a matter of days before you were really getting around. For awhile, you moved mostly by rolling but now you are really creeping. Practically crawling. And you practice this all the time. You get up on all fours. You rock. You do a downward dog. You gaze intently at an object in front of you and move determinedly towards it by plopping yourself up and down, reaching, sliding and a little bit of crawling. In about a week I think you will be crawling with confidence. You are already so curious about things -- creeping your way over to the power surge and other lethal weapons. Why is it those things are so much more exciting and interesting than wooden rattles and stuffed monkeys? One day when I came home you were with Ranny in your bedroom and she had surrounded you with 4 or 5 of Stella's baby dolls. You looked so happy to be in the center of a circle of babies. It was so cute. You are very social. Whenever we go to a playgroup, you love to talk to the other babies, to touch them, to play with their toys. You also like to look in the mirror and I can't help but think that you just want to be friends with that other baby you see there.

You are an excellent communicator. You like to be held a lot and if I put you down when you want to be in my arms, you will let me know right away. By crying. One time you were in your high chair in the kitchen and you were really fussy. I was making breakfast and Daddy came in and we were both looking at you and talking to you and trying to figure out what was wrong when you just let out a little wail and lifted up both your arms. It was so obvious you were saying "Pick me up!" We both knew it right away and said to each other pretty simultaneously, "That was the cutest thing ever." Of course we scooped you right up and you were immediately content.

You wake up pretty early in the morning. Usually around 6 although one time this week it was a totally unacceptable 4:45. For awhile Daddy was getting up with you every morning since I was getting up a few times during the night. But then you started sleeping through most of the night, only waking once, and we began alternating mornings. But during the Daddy stretch, he worked really hard every morning teaching you to say "Dadadadadadadada" and now you do seem to say "Dada" when you see him once in awhile. I kind of don't want to admit that this is your first word but I think it is. You do not yet say "Mama" but I know you love me lots because you always give me the biggest smile when I come home or when I see you and if you are fussy and I pick you up or someone else passes you to me, you immediately calm down and return to your normally happy self.

Grandma Phyllis and Grandpa Joel came to visit us last weekend and they had such a good time with you. You were really friendly and happy to be with them after a very short period of adjustment. Grandma Phyllis especially held you a lot and we were glad that they had a chance to get to know you a little bit and that you got to know them too. You and Stella are so lucky to have four living grandparents and we really hope that you will be able to have strong relationships with all of them.

When Stella gets up in the morning she likes to play this game where she spies on us. If we are in the living room, she will literally crawl on her stomach under the dining room table and sneak her way across the apartment to the bathroom. I am not supposed to know that she is there and sometimes she really is quite surreptitious. The main thing that gives her away is the incredibly squeaky bedroom door. Then she will stay behind me and wave to you and whisper "Hi Vivian" which I pretend not to hear. The cute thing is that you stare so intently at her and smile. I always make a point of saying, "Vivian. What are you smiling at? You look so happy" which is true. You do. But I know it also makes Stella so happy to hear that her little sister is so glad to see her.

You have the most amazing hair which I think might make you look a little bit older than eight months. You also have the most beautiful expressive soulful eyes. Daddy says you have always looked at him like you know his deep dark secrets. If you do, could you let me know what they are please.

I have been really feeling like we've hit our stride. The hard times with breastfeeding are so far behind us. Your resistance to the bottle, over. I just feel like I am starting to know you so well and like we are in a great groove in our family. Things are truly perfect right now and I'm so happy with the newest addition to our family. You are such a positive addition to our lives and I'm so thankful to have another daughter.

Grandpa Paul has emerged as the nickname provider of the grandchildren and so far we have Good Heart (Clara) and Wonder Girl (Stella). Everyone has been wondering what your nickname was going to be. Two weeks ago Grandpa called you Button because you are cute as a... which I thought was pretty perfect. But this weekend he called you Top Drawer because I guess that is where you keep your buttons. I like that one too. The thing is, you just are SO CUTE.

I love you so much, Button. I love you so much, Top Drawer. I love you so much, Vivian.

Love,
Mommy

To Stella, 4 3/4

2010-05-18T06:57:00.005-04:00

As you get ever closer to five years old, you are more and more of a delight. Watching you discover how things work in the world and how you feel about things is truly a privilege and Daddy and I are having such a good time with you.

You are an unbelievable older sister, madly in love with Vivian and so sweet with her most of the time. Occasionally you will do something a little mean -- like take away a toy of yours that she is holding -- and when I call your attention to it, you ask, "Am I a good big sister?" You get really upset if I say "Most of the time" and I've tried to explain to you that just because you say something is true, doesn't make it true. But what is true is that you are a great big sister almost all the time and Vivian always seems so happy to see you and to be with you.

You are also the world's greatest Mommy Defender. Woe to anyone who tries to mess with me. One morning at breakfast you and Daddy were talking about something that he could do instead of me and you replied to him, "Mommy can do it. She has arms." I wish I could remember exactly what it was you were talking about because it was really funny. It was something small and easy. Like getting the maple syrup from the kitchen. Or making a ponytail. Something that Daddy was offering to do instead of me. I'm sure he was just trying to be helpful but you wanted to be sure that everyone knew that I was completely capable.

As I have probably mentioned here, you have been quite obsessed with "Into the Woods" for some time now. Daddy finally put it on your ipod so that you can just listen to the music, rather than having to always watch the movie if you want to hear it. Now when it is time to get dressed for school, we put it on and you get dressed rather speedily all the while singing the opening songs of Act One. The other day when I came into your room, you were standing on your bed frame (mattress has been moved into our room as we try to get Vivian sleeping better) and you had your little black and white stuffed dog up there on "stage" with you. I asked you if that was your dog and you replied, "No, it's the wolf." You were doing Little Red Riding Hood's song and you needed a wolf, of course.

Speaking of dogs, your little plastic dog on a leash -- a toy you have not looked at in about two years -- has recently become a favorite again. You must have sensed that I was about to pull it out for Vivian. You have even been taking him outside with you from time to time. You still love to play pretend. The ONLY pretend game I really don't like to play is where I am your dog and you pull me around on a leash and I go and smell different things and try to walk in the wrong direction and pee. Fortunately for both of us, your father is more willing than I am to play this. But we all love to play other pretend games where you are Molly and I am Lucy and Dad is John and we meet in the park with our kids.

You are a ridiculous super star on the monkey bars and a generally outstanding athlete. You've been really loving both soccer and Chelsea Piers gymnastics and it is so incredible to watch you master physical skills. You take such risks with yourself and have been able to get really focused on achieving new physical skills. You can do the monkey bars up and back multiple times, skip a bar and do the same thing, stop half way and do a flip and then continue. It is really amazing. Your Silver Room teachers call you a "bar star". Speaking of the Silver Room, it is so much fun to pick you up from school because, whenever you see me, you jump up and down - literally - and say "mama" and are just so happy to see me there. It makes me feel really good. Which is actually something you have a real knack for. You say very sweet, kind things all of the time and I know you like to make people happy which is a really lovely quality to have. Also speaking of the Silver Room, you are very adamant that Daddy and I not pack more than three things in your lunch. I finally figured out that this is because you like to save your favorite thing for last and you sometimes do not have enough time to eat it. So three things it is. Also while we are on the topic of the Silver Room, I should mention that you got in trouble at school for what I think is the first time. In fact, all the chinchilla girls were reprimanded by Beryl after you guys went to movement and were apparently really bad, doing your own thing, not listening to David or Marilyn. When you got back, Beryl brought you all into the kitchen and reprimanded you. It made quite an impact. You do love Beryl so much and she has been a wonderful influence on you this year. It has been incredible to see you blossom, to find your love of art projects, to be so excited to go to school and so interested in what you are learning and doing there.

In the morning when you get up, either Daddy or I is usually already up with Vivian who is a very early riser. You like to sneak out of your room (sorry but this is very hard to do since you have a very squeaky door) and slither across the floor surreptitiously making your way to the bathroom. Then you come back out and sneak around hiding and spying on us playing with Vivian. You try to get V's attention (sometimes even whispering "Vivian!" as though she could hear you and we can't -- which is what we pretend is happening) and when you do she invariably starts smiling and sometimes laughing as you wave to her. Then I will say, "Vivian, what are you smiling about? Why are you so happy? What are you looking at?" until eventually you go, "Boo!" and I pretend to be very very scared and surprised that you have been out there all that time and that you were what was making Vivian so happy.

You have been really enjoying watching videos of yourself and also really curious for me and Dad to tell you bad stories about when we were little. Our nightime ritual which used to involve books and then a few songs from me and one final, long-ish, made up song from Dad now includes a story from each of us about something bad that happened when we were kids. Having had relatively happy childhoods, we are both starting to really have to search for tales that meet your criteria.

The other day, we were walking down the street holding hands and I was struck by the fact that your hands didn't feel little and tiny, they are big kid hands not baby hands. Being a mom is so bittersweet. While I am truly excited to see the woman you will grow in to and to be your mom through all your growing up years, I do already miss the little girl you are right this minute. I am trying so hard to be present, to enjoy having you just as you are and to appreciate every second. I love living with a 4 year old and I know that I will only be doing it for another short while. Thanks for making it so much fun!

I love you.
Love,
Mommy

Vivian Sits

2010-05-18T06:52:00.006-04:00

I have a long update coming soon to report on the many important developments in Vivian's life. LIke eating food. And continuing to make her mom, dad and sister burst with love and happiness. But this is just a quick update to report that our daughter can now get herself from a prone position into a sitting position.
This is a particularly exciting development because it is something that Stella basically never did. Stella went right to crawling and then trying to stand and then standing and we never really had that adorable period of just chilling on the floor playing with a box of toys. But now we do. And we could not be happier or prouder. I first observed Vivian doing this on May 11. Since then she has been working hard at perfecting the move. Particularly cute is going to get her in her crib in the morning or after her nap and discovering her just sitting up waiting for a friend.

To Vivian, seven months old

2010-04-26T22:06:00.006-04:00

We were a bit late but we finally had your sixth month check-up today. And you are 17 pounds (50%) and 27 inches (75%) with a head circumference of 17. Look at all those lucky sevens at seven months! I feel like I am the lucky one getting another great, beautiful, sweet amazing daughter.

You are continuing to grow and develop in all the ways you should. You are rolling over like crazy now. You always sleep mashed into the corner of your crib, lying on your stomach with your face buried into your little monkey. You love to practice your four point stance in which you lift your body into a plank or downward dog position.
Then you get onto all fours to practice crawling and inevitably manage to move several feet backwards. I always feel a bit bad when I put a toy in front of you to get you to crawl towards it and I see all the effort you put into getting to it but, instead, you get further and further away.

Daddy likes to play a game with you where he will make a sound over and over and then you will make the same sound back at him. You seem to love this game as well. In fact, you are so happy all the time with Daddy. You laugh and giggle like crazy or you sit totally silently and contentedly in his arms as he carries you about. He gets up with you in the morning a lot which has allowed you two to develop a really special bond. I think it is only fair for me to continue to allow him to get up - it wouldn't be right if I took over in the morning. Okay, David, Vivian is all yours from 6am-8am.

We call you Bebo and also Pepper. (Stella is Sugar, I am Salt, You are Pepper, Daddy is Spicy Sauce.)

You still wake up between 1 and 50 times starting around 3am.

You started eating solid foods. We started a little bit after you turned six months because we were taking our first family vacation to Jamaica and it seemed like a better idea to start this very long chapter of your life after we returned. So far you have had avocado, carrots and peas.
Carrots are your favorite although you don't like anything as much as you love love love water. Mostly you like to take the spoon away from me and feed yourself.
I am a firm believer in allowing you to play with your food, touch it, mash it between your fingers, put it in your hair, etc. This results in a very big clean up job for me. Food seems to go everywhere but in your mouth.
Please note: before I had kids, I did not think pictures of children with food on their faces was cute at all. I still have mixed feelings about them but for the sake of posterity...

It is a strange thing going from sustaining you solely on my breastmilk to adding food. I'm so happy with our breastfeeding relationship. It was a bit of a battle getting to this place and it is such a special and important thing to me. Now that you seem to get such comfort from it -- and clearly are getting great nourishment -- it is just a huge source of pride to me and I love sharing that special time with you every day. Even though we will continue for quite awhile, it is a big thing to add food to the mix.

You still have a great time in the bath.

You had your first vaccination today and you did not cry. Not even one peep. I closed my eyes. Seemingly nothing happened. And the nurse told me it was over.

You LOVE the swing and your big sister Stella LOVES to push you on it. You always have a great time and get so excited when we get close to the park. But really you laugh hardest when Stella is the one pushing you. I'm so thrilled that you guys already seem to be developing a very special relationship.

You are still the reigning champion -- smiliest baby of all time.

You are still the reigning champion -- most loved baby of all time.

My heart has expanded a thousand-fold since you were born. I just love you so so much.

Love,
Mommy

Dear Stella, 4.8

2010-04-26T21:38:00.004-04:00

My dear, sweet daughter. Every day with you is such fun these days. You say so many funny things, have an incredible sense of humor, are so capable and yet still need your mommy and daddy every once in awhile. You are such a big help if we ask you to get a washcloth when we are giving Vivian a bath you say, "Sure!" and go run to do it. Once you even asked me to be the evil stepsister and you were Cinderella and I had to make you sweep the kitchen floor. I felt a little bad ordering you around but pretty happy to have the floor get swept.

These days your favorite game is to play pregnant person. Usually you are Maya and she has up to six or eight kids and is almost always pregnant. You stuff a ball in your dress and we meet and discuss your life as a mother and your upcoming labor and then you have the baby and you introduce her (you pretty much always have girls) and I say that I love her name (whatever it is -- Molly, Elizabeth, Laura). You also love to play out tonight which is where you put on my shoes and get one of my purses and fill it with my things like my cell phone and my wallet and keys and lipstick and get ready to go out for the night. I am your daughter and I really really really do NOT want you to go out but you have to and you explain to me why and I get very upset but you go anyway usually. Except sometimes you let me come at the last minute which is really nice to you since I, as your mommy, never do that when I am the out tonight person. You frequently ask in the afternoon, "Are you going out tonight?" and you are always very happy if the answer is no. It is cutest when you say, "Are you an out tonight person?" although you don't actually say that so much anymore these days.

Daddy frequently tells me really funny stories about things you say to him and I tell him that he should write it in here or we are going to forget but he never does and we forget because Mommy is always right. Because Mommy is also a great wife, she is now going to tell one of Daddy's favorite stories from a few months ago before we forget it. One time Daddy was trying really hard to get you dressed to go out and finally you were all ready except you didn't have shoes on. You were not interested in continuing to get dressed, you were interested in being a fairy princess complete with magic wand. You held up your wand to Daddy and told him that he could have a wish. He said, "I wish I had a daughter with her shoes on" to which you replied, "Not going to happen. Poof! You're a frog!" and waved your magic wand in Dad's direction.

You have been really loving your gymnastics class at Chelsea Piers and your soccer class and you are very very good at both of them. And that is not just a biased mom talking. At Chelsea Piers Daddy or I take you each week and we can sit upstairs and watch you do your thing. This is really great except for the number of times you look up to make sure we are watching each time. It's like if a tree falls in the forest and no one hears...you don't seem to realize that you are accomplishing something if we aren't there to witness it. But we are happy to be your biggest cheerleaders and it is really fun and gratifying to watch you because you are so amazing physically. The things you can do, your bravery and toughness are pretty incredible.

You have had a true art explosion in the past few months and you love to draw and paint. One morning you even got up and did a project for about a half hour before you woke me. When I did come out to the living room, I saw a snowflake that you had cut out and drawn rainbows and flowers on. You told me it was for me for my birthday, that you had the idea to do a snowflake and then realized you wanted it to be a present for me, even though my birthday was still about two months away. You thought it was okay because I would forget about it by the time you gave it to me. You are really really into rainbows and draw them all the time. You also like to write your name with each letter being a different color of the rainbow. And if you write Stella K you have the perfect number of letters to do just that.

Recently I had to go to Ikea to get a high chair for Vivian and I was thinking maybe I would just go by myself. But then I realized that it would be a fun adventure to go with you and I would so much rather do just that. I picked you up from school and we took the subway down to the South Street Seaport then had a long walk to catch the water taxi. We got there just in time, took the boat to Ikea, went through Ikea to find the high chair, took a shuttle bus back to the train and took the train home. We had so much fun. You were such a big help, you loved pushing the carts through Ikea and you were just wonderful company. I was really happy I had decided to go with you rather than by myself and was amazed at your stamina to be able to do all that after a full day at school.

You love love love "Into the Woods" and know pretty much every word to the whole show. It is so cute to watch you watching the dvd but you have also started just listening to it on your ipod in the morning. You will stand on your bed frame (your mattress is currently on our floor while we ~~have no sex life~~ try to get Vivian sleeping more or less through the night) and perform the show. Little Red Riding hood is your favorite part.

Today you and I went to the library and got your first NYPL card. You took out a few books and a Backyardigans DVD. You have such a passion for reading and books -- you are pretty close to being able to read yourself, you point out words you recognize all the time now -- and I hope this is the beginning of a really special relationship. Libraries are pretty incredible. But nothing -- nothing -- is as incredible as you. I feel like the luckiest mom in the world to have you for a daughter.

Love,
Mommy

To Vivian, six months old

2010-03-31T12:29:00.000-04:00

Dear Vivian,

Happy 1/2 Birthday. I can't believe how fast this 1/2 year has flown and, at the same time, I can barely remember a time when you weren't a part of our family. You are a really big presence around here and all of us are so happy to have you.

You are still the noisiest and smiliest baby. It really seems like you are trying hard to communicate. If no one is talking to you or playing with you, you will let us know that you need some attention. Basically you do this by screaming or singing. You still sing yourself to sleep going "Ahhhhhhhhhhh ahhhhhhhhhhh ahhhhhhhhhh" in our arms or in your crib until you sleep. This is most amazing when Daddy or I are carrying you in the ergo because you will literally sing out right until the minute you fall sound asleep. It is very helpful too because you really let us know when you are sleepy in case we forget that you are due for a nap.

You are rolling over like a champ now. Both from front to back and back to front though back to front is more common. This is a big day in a mommy and daddy's life because it now means that we cannot leave you anywhere. The other day I put you on a blanket in the living room and went into the kitchen for a minute. When I came back you were in an entirely different spot in the utterly un-baby-proofed living room. So now we really need to keep an eye on you. That also means no leaving you on the changing table and running to the closet for a diaper or a shirt. I am writing this as much for your benefit as for my own.

This also makes tummy time lots of fun because you are very confident on your tummy now and can push up really really far. I see tremendous yogic potential. And you can kind of sit up now although you cannot get yourself into this position and can't maintain it for long. We took a tummy time class a few months ago and the teacher said not to put you in a sitting or standing position too much unless you can put yourself there. You really love to stand and I have to remind us both that this is not good for you and you can't do it a lot. But your legs are getting very strong.

You really like to grasp objects (including long flowing hair -- especially if it is Stella's. Good thing she is such a toughie!) and can often be found with a spoon in one hand and a rattle in the other or two little toys clenched in your fists.

You laugh often and all of us enjoy spending time trying to make you laugh and then keep you laughing. The other day, you were on Daddy's lap and Stella was jumping up and down in front of you and you were laughing so hard. You made your sister very happy. Especially because you did not laugh if I jumped up and down or if Daddy did. Only Stella. You love playing peek-a-boo too and you are very ticklish.

We are excited to be taking you on your very first vacation although less excited about taking you on your first airplane. Hopefully you will enjoy flying and will not decide to show all the other passengers what amazing lungs and vocal chords you have.

Thanks for making all of us so happy and for continuing to grow and develop in such a beautiful way.

We love you.
Love,
Mommy

Favorite Fruit

2010-03-25T15:20:00.004-04:00

Mommy, do you know what my favorite fruits are? First, bananas. Second, grapes. Third, strawberries.

You know, Stella, I think I like more watery fruits than you do.

I have no idea what you are talking about.

You know, fruits that are juicier, I guess.

Oh, yeah, like watermelon.

Yes.

And peaches.

Exactly.

And tambourines.

Have a good day, Stella

2010-03-08T14:21:00.002-05:00

This morning as you were leaving for school, you came in to say goodbye as I was feeding Vivian.
I said, "have a great day" and you replied, "you have a great day!" Then, looking up to the ceiing
you added, "And you have a great day, Grandpa Joe, setting up our party in Heaven. And Grandma Francie.
And Grandpa Louie. And Aunt Jean." Then you happily skipped off to school with Daddy.

Dear Stella, 4 1/2

2010-02-27T10:07:00.009-05:00

Oh no oh no oh no! Four is almost half over. I love four. Hmmm....I wonder where you came by your utter aversion to growing up? I've finally stopped saying things like, "Don't grow up" because you actually stopped wanting to grow up and it was clear who was to blame for that. I am actually really excited to see the big kid and the teenager and the woman who you become. Well maybe not the teenager. Not if she slams doors and is mean to me, smokes cigarettes and stays out past curfew. But before I get ahead of myself....

For a kid who doesn't want to grow up, you are pretty enthusiastic about your half birthday. In fact, you have asked for a half birthday party which is curious since you don't even really ever want a birthday party. I mean you even want to invite some outside people. You only asked for this a few days ago so I haven't managed to get it together yet but I think we will (albeit a little bit after the fact).

In the past month, you had two really big days as a Silver Roomer. First, you got to take Silver Bear home for a weekend and what a weekend it was. When I got to school to pick you up on Friday January XX and saw you walk to your cubby holding Silver Bear and his backpack, you had the biggest smile on your face. So cute! All weekend you were very attentive to Silver Bear and made sure that you brought him along to all your activities. On Sunday night Daddy and I stayed up really late (I mean like ridiculously late as though we were helping you with your college essays or something) to write our Silver Bear report in his notebook. Here are some of the highlights:

First up was Stella’s great grandmother, Grandma Roz. Silver Bear enjoyed lunch at the Popover Café. Stella snapped a very artistic photograph of Silver Bear and Grandma.

Stella couldn’t wait to introduce Silver Bear to her baby sister, Vivian. At first, Vivian was a little scared of Silver Bear but she warmed up to him rather quickly.

Silver Bear enjoyed Shabbat dinner. His favorite part was the challah.

After dinner, Silver Bear and Stella had a bath, brushed their teeth and got into their pajamas. Before Mommy read books to Stella, Stella read Brown Bear, Brown Bear to Silver Bear. Then it was time for bed.

On Saturday morning, Silver Bear accompanied Stella and her dad to Chelsea Piers. Silver Bear enjoyed watching Stella in her first gymnastics class. After class, Silver Bear and Stella rode the mini-carousel.

Then Stella, Dad and Silver Bear met up with Mom and Vivian Bear at the Hampton Chutney Co. for lunch.
After lunch, we all went to pick up Stella’s pottery at Make. Silver Bear especially liked Stella’s cupcake magnet.

Later, we all went to Grandma Helaine and Grandpa Paul’s apartment where Silver Bear met Stella’s grandparents, her aunt Sonya and her cousin Clara.
Silver Bear had a great time playing with Clara and Stella and was very happy to hear that they were going to all have a sleepover with Grandma.

On Sunday, Grandma decided to take the troupe to see “Pinkalicous”. Silver Bear did not know the story and thought it was funny that a girl could turn pink from eating too many pink things. Bears don’t really like pink food so Silver Bear was relieved that he would never have to worry about pinkititis.

On Sunday night, Silver Bear joined us for a final family dinner at Grandma and Grandpa’s before we returned home. Stella brushed her teeth and Silver Bear’s teeth and then the two friends climbed into bed together for the last time. We had a great weekend with Silver Bear and will be sad to see him go but we can’t wait to hear all about his adventures with the other Silver Roomers.

You were really sad to have to give Silver Bear back on Monday morning. You really have a hard time saying goodbye -- to me, to dad, to friends at the end of a playdate and, well, the brown stuffed teddy bear was no exception.

The weekend we had Silver Bear, Daddy and I brought your mattress into our room and you slept on our floor so that we could move Vivian from the bassinet in our room which she was outgrowing into her crib. At first you did not want to do this but when we told you that soon you and your sister would be sharing a room, you were totally excited and willing. And in the end, I think you enjoyed camping on our floor.

The other really fabulous day was on February 13 -- your turn to be the Shabbat Child. Daddy and I arrived a little early and looked in the window of the Silver Room. You were on the front rug doing quiet reading and you saw us in the window. You started kicking your legs and had the biggest smile ever. You were so so so so so excited and so were we. Soon the door opened and we were invited in to join you on the rug. When we sat next to you, many of your friends came crowding around and Beryl had to remind them to give you some space, not to crowd the Shabbat Child. You continued to read your book and when you finished, Samantha, one of your friends, asked if you wanted to trade books which you did. Then Beryl said, "If you're the Shabbat Child you can put your book away" and you got up and put your book on the shelf. She continued to have the rest of the class put their books away in a similar fashion: "If you painted with me today, you can put your book away", etc. Then everyone sang all the shabbat songs -- Friday is a special day, shabbat to Stella K, shabbat to Millie, shabbat to Carolyn, Shabbat to David, etc. etc. Then you led us to the candles and we said all the prayers. You knew just what to do. You handed us the wine when it was time to drink. You held the challah up over your head when we said that prayer. You lit the candles yourself (just in time!). Then Beryl invited you to choose which table you wanted to sit at and to lead us. Of course you chose the center table. Your friends were excited to come sit with you and us -- your table filled quickly. We all had challah and grape juice and good conversation. Then it was time for me and Daddy to read the book you and we had chosen, "Miss Nelson is Missing". Daddy and I read it together -- I did the narration, he did the voices and then you helped at the end by saying "P.S" then I said, "Detective McSmogg is working on a new case" and you read the final sentence, "He is now looking for Miss Viola Swamp." The class was very attentive and I think we chose a great book. After reading, it was time for us to leave and Daddy and I went and had a coffee together and then both picked up up after school. You and I went to Fiorello's for a special lunch. We chose that restaurant because it was right near Lincoln Center where Daddy was working so we all took a taxi together. After lunch we went up to Michael's and bought a lot of supplies with which to make Valentines and then we went home and worked on them. We decorated the little hallway outside our door. John and Amy who live next door even let us put some up on their door.

Speaking of John and Amy -- one of your new favorite things to do is to visit their apartment and play with their 19 month old twins, Violet and Delilah. You love to go their by yourself. We leave the door open and you travel freely between the two apartments. There is definitely mutual love between you guys. When it is time for you to come home, one of them -- Delilah, I think, cries hysterically.

You are a total delight in every way. You say so many adorable things but you are also getting really grown up. You've been thinking and talking a lot about heaven. When we tell you something that you aren't sure is true you will ask us, "Really? Really? In true life, really?" You are thinking a lot about what is real and what is not and asking questions distinguishing, for example, the actors in a movie from their characters. The other day you were asking about how Cinderella's mother gets into the tree in "Into the Woods" and I explained that it was really just her spirit because she died and was buried near there. This went on for some time before you clarified, "NO! I mean how does her mother get IN the tree???" and I realized you wanted to know how the actress physically got in there and so I told you that there was a hole in the back and explained what scrim was. Also, when Little Red Riding Hood told the baker that she would have her grandmother make a new cape out of the wolf's fur, you turned to me and said, "That's not true. Really the costume designer is going to make it."

You were a super fun sledding partner. You made terrific snow angels.
You rocked a super cool pair of snow-proof pants.

You have been having a great time taking gymnastics at Chelsea Piers.

You approach everything with enormous enthusiasm. Recently we were at the Mermaid Inn (favorite restaurant) and you asked if you could go and give the guy our coat check tags by yourself. I said you could and you started jumping up and down and saying, "Yay! It is going to be an adventure!" You are still torn between wanting to be ever-more independent and wanting to stay a little girl and you are doing both things really really well. I'm proud of you.

Love,
Mommy

Dear Vivian, five months old

2010-02-27T09:54:00.009-05:00

It is official. You are the smiliest and also the noisiest baby who ever lived. When you are happy (like when you see someone you recognize and like) you break out into the widest, toothless grin, kick your legs and wave your arms. Your whole body seems to be vibrating with joy, joy that invariably spreads to the recipient of your happiness. You LOVE attention so much so that sometimes you will start to cry when I get up and walk away even if it is just for a minute. The other day, I played a mean Mommy game where I had you lying on a blanket in the living room and I was standing by the kitchen door. I went into the kitchen for a second, you started to cry, I came out, you stopped, I went in, you started, I came out, you stopped. Each change occurred instantly -- it was pretty amazing and very sweet. I won't do that anymore. When you are lying in bed and start to fuss, if I come in to pat you and replace the pacifier, you will hold onto my hand or arm like you don't want me to leave. I think it is a little soon for separation anxiety but maybe not? We are experts in that emotion in our family (see Mommy; see Stella; see Grandma Helaine).
Speaking of the pacifier, this week you finally took to it. I'm not even sure what made me give it another try but I did and you started sucking away. Prior to last Tuesday, you would push a pacifier out of your mouth with your tongue and the most disgusted "ew that tastes horrible" look on your face. Now you wake up during the night so that I can replace it after it's fallen out. Great. But I'm actually a believer in the pacifier because I think, in general, it helps you soothe yourself to sleep at night and can be very comforting. Probably not coincidentally, you are much happier to take a bottle these days. For awhile, you would take a bottle but just drink the absolute minimum you needed to stay alive until I got home. You never got frantic -- even if you only had about one ounce in a six hour span. You would just calmly wait until my breasts got home and then happily eat. You love to hold things in your hands now and you are getting to be quite an expert at rolling over. In general, if we put you down on your back and leave to room, we will most often return to you lying on your stomach unable to flip back over. Your back and neck are getting much stronger now too.

You have the greatest smile and the sweetest disposition. You are an excellent communicator. When you are hungry, you let us know with a very specific wail. And when you are tired you go "Ahhhhhhhhh ahhhhhhhhhhh ahhhhhhhhhhh" really loud right up until you fall asleep. It is, therefore, difficult to take you to the movies but easy to know what you need from us.

I have to say that everything is really bittersweet -- especially the second time around. I remember when Stella was a baby and I would feel a little bit sad and nostalgic with a new development I would comfort myself by saying that I would have another chance to witness and go through this stage with my next baby. I always knew you were coming. Now I think that I probably will not have another shot and I am also acutely aware of how fleeting each moment, each stage is because Stella has grown up so quickly. I know that you are right behind. And so it hurts how much I miss the seven pound you and the eight and the nine and the ten and the eleven and and and.... But at the same time, I am so excited to see the next thing and to be beside you as you discover the world and have new experiences. Your sparkly blue eyes already seem full of wonder and delight and you don't even know what ice cream or pink flowers are yet.

I love you so much, Sweet Vivian.

Love,
Mommy

Sweet girl

2010-02-01T20:25:00.002-05:00

I know I owe a long entry about all the amazing Stella developments and what a great holiday season we had. Stay tuned for some hilarious Santa comments. But first, two great conversations that happened today...

This morning Stella was a little sick with a cold and cough. She had a playdate with two friends scheduled for after school but I told her that she should tell Ranny if she wasn't feeling up to it and they could just come straight home. Moments later Stella said, "Can we go ice skating after school?" to which I replied, "No. If you are too sick to go on a playdate, you are too sick to go ice skating" to which she replied, "But ice skating cheers me up."

Then tonight as I was finishing up putting Stella to bed she asked if she and Vivian were ever going to share a bed. I asked if she wanted to knowing perfectly well that the answer would be yes. That girl LOVES her sister and loves being a sister. Then I asked her if she wanted one big bed they could both sleep in or bunk beds. She answered, "Bunk beds and I am going to be on top." Then she thought for a few moments and added, "But I don't care. If Vivian wants to be on top, I'll be on the bottom." Sweetest older sister ever.

Milestone

2010-01-27T20:32:00.000-05:00

Vivian rolled over today! After showing almost no interest whatsoever, she surprised us all.
Congratulations, Little One.

Dear Vivian, four months old,

2010-01-26T08:33:00.005-05:00

You are still the smiliest baby and you have started giggling and laughing too which is the greatest thing ever. The other day Stella was playing peek-a-boo with you and you were giggling so hard. You are also pretty ticklish and it is so fabulous when you erupt with glee. Almost anytime you see me, your face breaks into the hugest smile which makes me feel pretty great so thanks for that. This happens with Stella too and it makes her so happy when you smile at her.

Overall, you have settled down so much. Now you pretty much only cry when you are tired or hungry and it isn’t nearly as hard to get you to stop. You also talk A LOT. You are constantly making sounds and, it seems, trying to communicate with us. In fact, when you are hungry or tired, you first let us know by talking. It is only if we don’t get it or respond quickly enough that you start to cry. Other things that have changed in the past month:

For awhile you were refusing to take a bottle. You would just wait until I got home and then attack my breasts with a vengeance but no matter how hard Grandma or Daddy or Ranny would try, you would NOT take the bottle. We tried tons of different nipples but it didn’t seem to make a difference. We eventually tricked you into it by giving it to you when you were almost asleep at first (actually, the first time you were sleeping) and after a few days, you were okay. Mostly we are still breastfeeding all the time. It is just comforting to me to know that if I can’t get back, you will not go hungry.

You reach for toys and track them really well if we move them around. You almost can roll over but not quite. Truthfully, you don’t seem particularly interested in perfecting this skill.

Sleep. Ever-changing but never amazing. Sometimes you wake up every two hours, sometimes every three. Sometimes you want to nurse all night long. Sometimes not so much. You like to be rocked to sleep and you LOVE to be swaddled super tight. Your dad is excellent at this. The other day I got the idea that we should stop swaddling you because once you rolled over in our bed (squishy mattress – doesn’t count for the milestone) and I realized that you could not get yourself back. So for two days we didn’t swaddle you and for two days you slept really poorly. It is amazing. There were times you would be up in the middle of the night and we would notice that you had broken your swaddle and the second we redid it, you would fall to sleep. We have pretty a good bedtime routine with you that involves a bath, massage, books, breastfeeding and then sleep around 7pm (just in time for us to start the same with your big sister). But you are definitely not able to put yourself back to sleep when you wake up (which you do quite a bit). We know that it is time to move you into the crib. You are outgrowing the bassinet just as Stella did at this age. It is harder to figure out how to move you out, though, since you will be sharing a room with Stella and still wake frequently. Also, I can’t bring myself to part from you during the night yet. You are just so sweet and I like being able to watch you sleep and listen to you breathe. I realize this is probably the beginning of your separation issues and I have to let you go and have your own sleeping space. And I like less waking up six or seven times a night and I’m hoping that you will be more comfortable and sleep better in the crib.

You don’t startle so much anymore and Stella is no longer super gentle and careful around you. In fact, she thinks it is hilarious to scare you. One night about six weeks ago, Daddy was in the process of putting you to bed when Stella ran into the quiet, calm bedroom and yelled “RAH!” which made you cry hysterically as she probably knew it would. We do try to protect you from your mean big sister and Daddy scared her a couple times in retaliation which she didn’t think was so funny.

The truth is, for awhile you scared very easily. There were a couple times when either Daddy or I would be holding you and a mere sneeze would send you off into hysterics. It was pretty cute even though we felt bad. Come to think of it, in the hospital when you were born, they did tell us you have extremely sensitive inner ears. Maybe it is that.

Another truth is that Stella has been an amazing big sister. She LOVES to carry you around and is really good at it considering her size relative to yours.
The other day she had a playdate here and she was so happy to show you off. Your arrival has rocked her world in ways that none of us can fully fathom but she seems mostly unfazed and really really happy to have you here.
We were talking to her the other day about having her come and sleep in our room for a few days so we could see what happens if we moved you into the crib. She really hated the idea of giving up her bed for a couple days until we explained that when it was all over, you guys would be sharing a room. Then she immediately changed her mind and said yes she wanted to do it! She wants you in her room! We went out and got a video baby monitor so we’ll be able to spy but we know that she is going to take really good care of you. She has already told us that if you can’t reach something on a high shelf she is going to get it right down for you. Although, having said that, there was one day early on when I came home and Ranny told me that Stella had put all your toys in a bag. Stella has 16 small square shelves in her room. We allotted two of them for your things. But when I got home that day, Stella told me she didn’t want to share her shelves. Don’t worry. That didn’t last long and your toys are back in their rightful place.

For the first few months, every time we went to change your diaper, you would pee on the changing table. Literally every single time. You don’t do that anymore.

We still cannot get you to take a pacifier. A few times, you have taken one for awhile and we’ve thought, “Aha! This is the brand she likes! At last!”
But then the next time we’ve gone to give it to you, no dice. Recently you have begun soothing yourself by chewing on the ears of a small bear instead.

We are really enjoying getting to know you -- even if we are a bit tired -- and we love you a lot.
Love,
Mommy

To Vivian, three months old

2009-12-27T15:49:00.000-05:00

To Vivian 3 months old,

How nice that you were born between Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur and your 3 month birthday is on Christmas Eve. I thought I would take this opportunity to tell you a little bit about yourself as we observe you so far. You talk a lot! You are the least quiet baby I have ever met. You speak to us all day long. Daddy and I are convinced that, once you learn real words, you are going to talk early and often. Now whatever you are saying comes out like “Ooooooahhhhoahohohoohahooooooahhhahahhaooooo” all day long. You are not so good at sleeping. Getting you to sleep is an ordeal involving lots of rocking, shushing, swinging, and swaddling. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. I like to think that we are just so much fun and such good company that you don’t want to sleep. However, that is a less interesting thought at 3 in the morning than it is at 9 in the morning. So if you could sleep a little more at night, we sure would be grateful. Actually, to be honest, it is not that bad. Every night is a new adventure with its own rules. Last night’s were pretty good – you slept from 6:45-11:45 with just one brief wakeup. Then you woke at 2:30 and 4:45 and were up for good at 6:45. (Yes, that is a good night.)

Our breastfeeding relationship has evolved well which is a good thing because you really don’t like to take bottles. We did go to an ENT a couple weeks ago who confirmed that you had a posterior tongue-tie. She fixed it and then you refused to breastfeed for about 12 traumatic hours. I was so worried that we had broken you and make a mistake by taking you to the doctor. But you always swallowed so much air when you were breastfeeding and your latch slipped a lot and I was worried about you. I do think it is a bit better now but I’m sorry that we had to cause you some pain to get here.

You are unbelievably smiley. When you see someone you recognize and like, your whole face lights up and you kick your feet and make happy, excited noises. It is fabulous. Stella really LOVES this and she frequently gets in your face so that she can see you smile at her. She also loves to hold and carry you and to sit with you on her lap. More often than not, you are very content in her arms and Daddy and I are so happy for both of you, that you have each other.

Although you seem not to love excess noise and stimulation, you are very social and happy in a crowd. Whenever we go to our downtown moms group, you are so happy to see the other moms and babies. You also like to go outside and to be carried in the hug-a-bub which is a good thing because I like having you there. About not liking noise, though – you do startle easily. One time Daddy was holding you in the living room and Stella and I were in your and her bedroom (I say your although you are not yet sleeping there). We heard Daddy sneeze and then you broke out into hysterical crying. That sort of thing has happened a few times with you and loud noises. Like the time your big sister thought it would be funny to run into our bedroom where Daddy was reading to you and go “Rah!!!” really loud. Which was a little funny but also not.

Your first Christmas was a lot of fun. Stella enjoyed finding your presents for you and opening them. I give her maybe one more year of being able to do that before you become a formidable opponent. I remember while I was pregnant thinking about what this holiday season was going to be like with a baby and being so excited about it. The reality was better than anything I could have anticipated minus the sleep deprivation which somehow one just cannot prepare for. Speaking of pregnant, I never got to tell you how much I loved being pregnant with you. After the horrors of the first trimester – of which there were many! – it was so wonderful to have you inside me. I am one of those women who LOVES being pregnant. It just feels so amazing to me and I don’t even mind the insane changes to my body. Especially towards the end when I could feel you moving around so much (and getting the hiccups which you did – and still do – a lot). That was my favorite part. Even though I love having you here – and that is much better than having you inside me – I do kind of miss being pregnant. The end came so quickly and, even though it was on your due date, I was somewhat unprepared. I never quite got to say goodbye to that other chapter which, I guess, is a lot how life always is. We just said goodbye to the cloth diaper chapter and soon we are going to say goodbye to the co-sleeping/you in the bassinet chapter and move you into your crib. Each one is bittersweet as we see you growing older every day. Even the things that I won’t really miss (did I mention the sleep deprivation?), I think I will kind of miss. It is hard to explain.

You have fit into our family relatively seamlessly and, although things are not as simple as they were before you arrived, we are all very happy to have you around. It is almost hard to remember what life was like before you were here.

I love you lots.

Love,
Mom

Vivian at 2 months

2009-12-03T15:59:00.004-05:00

We had Vivian's two month check-up yesterday (actually she was one day shy of 10 weeks). Dr. Ben confirmed that she is perfect -- which we already knew. It was exciting to learn that she is now 11 pounds, 12 ounces (that is a slight cheat since I fed her right before we saw him. Had I not, she probably would have been about 4 ounces less. Regardless, she is still obviously growing and gaining well). She is also quite long now at 23 1/2 inches.

Good job growing, Vivi!! I am very proud.

To Vivian, two months old

2009-12-01T22:30:00.010-05:00

Dear Vivian,

Welcome to the family. We are so happy and honored to be the people who have the privilege of watching you grow up and seeing what your amazing life will bring. By now you must know your birth story which was pretty extraordinary. Daddy and I were very impressed (and I was quite shocked) that you actually came on your due date. If you continue to be so prompt, your father will be very happy. He deserves a girl in his life who is always on time.

From the moment you came home with us, Stella was so excited to have you. She would run into the apartment when she came home from school and rush to wash her hands so she could come and play with you. She particularly loves to hold you and rock you when you are upset. Amazingly, you almost always calm down in her presence. Daddy and I are so happy that you guys have each other and always will. It seems really special to have a sister and I am so happy for both of you. One day early on, Stella was attaching the bar with toys and music to your bouncy seat but did it wrong and it fell and hit you on the head. You started to cry and then she burst into hysterics. She was so upset to have caused you pain and she ended up crying for much much longer than you. It was really sweet to see how sad she got especially since we had been warned that she might try to hurt you and to be careful about leaving you two alone. We do not have that problem. She is actually your greatest caretaker and is so proud of herself when she can make you stop crying or comfort you. She loves to hold you and carry you which can be a little nerve wracking although she is very good at it and very careful. Rest assured, that as younger children ourselves, Daddy and I have your back and won't let your big sis push you around too much. She is a tough one, though, so watch out.

A little while after we (finally) settled on your name, we decided to bake a cake and have an official welcoming party. Stella did most of the icing herself and was very excited about it.
The next day was Halloween and you were a ladybug in a homemade costume. Your not-very-crafty Mama is pretty proud of herself for having made your costume including knitting a hat for you in only three (count 'em!) days.

Daddy and I are pretty pleased with ourselves now as we think we have finally figured you out. You don’t seem to like any discomfort so we have to be quick to change your diaper. You like to be held a lot and you cry hysterically whenever you are overtired. For awhile Daddy and I could not figure out what that hard crying was all about but then I went to a seminar on sleep where I learned that you should never be awake for longer than 2 or 2 ½ hours and we realized that your crying was often due to a need for sleep. Since we learned that things have been much more manageable. Even when you are crying, though, there is something in your face, in your eyes, in your demeanor that is so sweet. We feel bad because your whole being just looks so sad and sometimes your bottom lip quivers. But it still feels really special to hold you. You are so warm and cuddly. Everyone thinks so.

You absolutely love the bath. As soon as you hear the water running, you become very peaceful and you will hang out with me or Daddy in the tub for as long as we keep you in there. Taking a bath with you has become a vital part of our evening ritual. Usually Daddy takes you in the tub and then I get you out, get into bed and feed you, swaddle you as tightly as possible and put you down in the bassinet. Last night (November 30), you slept your longest stretch so far – 8:30pm – 4:30am. You love the bath, yes, but you hate the pacifier. It is very shocking for us to have a baby who doesn’t take to that little sucking device since our older daughter had such a passionate love affair with them. We keep trying to get you to take one – and sometimes you do for a short time – but mostly you spit them out in disgust. You have, however, found your thumb which you seem to enjoy sucking along with your whole fist which sometimes finds its way into your mouth.

You make the cutest faces and smile a lot. In fact, you also are the smiliest baby I have ever seen. You were smiling – seemingly in response to people – by about five weeks. And now, at nine weeks, you do it all the time. In fact, one of the mom’s from our group whose son is exactly the same age commented to the sleep seminar lady that "Jonah doesn’t smile nearly as much as Vivian." You've set the standard for smiley baby. I cannot describe the feeling I get when I look at you and your face breaks out into a huge grin. It is just magic.

Before you got here, I was a little nervous about what it would be like to bring someone new into our family. I was really excited to have a baby again and very excited for Stella to have a sister and for us to have another daughter. But I was also worried about how you would fit in and what it would be like to go back to the baby phase and how Stella would deal with it all and how I would. Honestly, we had gotten to such an easy, lovely place in our then-family that it was terrifying to upset it all and not know who was going to be joining us. But since you got here, it has just felt so right. As though someone was missing before and now we are complete. Daddy and I have been amazed to discover how great it feels even though we are so sleep deprived. Before we were a couple with a daughter but now we are really a family. Thanks.

We already love you so much.

Love,
Mommy

Dear Four Year Old

2009-10-27T08:45:00.000-04:00

To Stella, 4.2!

Oh no! So much to write. I fully intended this letter to come only one month late – on September 27. I was sure I’d have the time to write it then as I was sitting on the couch monstrously pregnant with your past-due little sister. Instead, she decided to arrive promptly on her due date (much to my surprise) and the past month has been a whirlwind of sleepless nights, diapers, hand washing, re-naming (LONG STORY for another time), utter joy, baby blues and all the other things that have gone along with adjusting to the new, much-loved member of our “small family”. (You like to distinguish between your “small family” – me, Daddy, Vivian—and your “big family” which includes, Clara, Grandma and Grandpa, Steven and Sonya, all your Massachusettes relatives, Grandma Roz, etc.). Needless to say, I haven’t managed to get sit down and write to you and I’m kicking myself now because I really thought I’d have one more chance to write to my only daughter before you became my older daughter. And so even though I want to – and will – write all about Great Barrington, your birthday and the start of the school year, I have to work backwards here and write about your amazing little sister and what an absolute rock star big sister you have been since she arrived.

I can say with utter confidence that there has never been a little girl more excited to have a baby than you. Day after day as my pregnancy wore on, you asked with ever-growing exacerbation, “WHEN IS MY BABY GOING TO BE HERE???” Whenever anyone would stop me on the street to say “Congratulations,” you would immediately reply, “We’re getting a baby.” You kissed my stomach all the time and would talk to the little one inside. You just couldn’t wait for her to get here. On the morning of September 24 (her due date), Daddy took you to school because I was having light contractions. Until then, I had been taking you every day. When we decided I wouldn’t go that day – the bus did not seem very desirable – you started to protest until we told you that the baby might be coming that day and then you happily skipped off to school with Daddy. That night, I was still in labor when you came home and Grandpa came over to have dinner with us and to take you for a sleep-over. It was so nice to have you around until my contractions started getting more intense at which point I told Dad that you guys had to go. Daddy took you downstairs and put you in a taxi and the next time I saw you was after school the next day when you came to the hospital to meet your little sister. You were so happy and excited to see her and took to the role of big sis immediately. Since she has been home, you have been absolutely amazing. You have not exhibited one minute of resentment or jealousy. You are incredibly protective – making sure that everyone washes their hands before touching her and running to the sink yourself as soon as you get in the door. You love to push her in the swing, to carry her (this strikes a lot of fear in some people but I am very confident that you would never drop her and it makes you so happy to hold her), to rock her in her bouncy seat, to lie next to her and cuddle, to watch as we change her diaper, to bathe her – pretty much anything. You’ve assured me that you will always let her play with you and your friends if she wants to, that you will be there to help her get toys off a too-high shelf, etc. Vivian is so lucky to come into the world with such a great friend already. And thanks for making this transition so easy for all of us.

Now to backtrack…

We had a lot of fun in Great Barrington despite the onslaught of mosquitoes and the too cold swimming pool. You loved living in a house with Grandma and Grandpa, Steven and Sonya and especially Clara. You couldn’t wait to get up in the morning and go see if Clara was awake. You guys played hours upon hours of pretend games where you’d be two mommies with lots of babies and big sisters. You also loved to play Harry and Sally – where you were husband and wife (luckily Clara was excited to be the man replete with paper mustache, eyebrows and beard).

One morning, while you were playing, you were in the living room with Grandma and you couldn’t find Harry. You called for him a few times and then turned to Grandma and said, “Men are impossible!” We went to two art classes at the Norman Rockwell museum and you did a lot of projects with Sonya and Clara. You are lucky to have an aunt who is such a good teacher. She brought all kinds of paper and supplies and you seem to have found a love for art that you never really had before. As I mentioned, the swimming pool was a little cold so our time in it was somewhat limited but there were still some really good, wet times. And some scary ones. One afternoon, Daddy and I were in the shallow end of the pool. You went to walk around by the deep end to get something and you fell in the pool. Fortunately you were wearing your swim vest but you still went all the way under, swallowed some water and scared yourself and us. But you also have a really fast Daddy and he literally reached you within two seconds and scooped you up. As always, you were very resilient and only cried briefly. We had another big scare – or I did – early on in our stay in the Berkshires. Daddy went for a run and was late getting back. Because he is always so reliable, I knew right away that something was wrong. I was really upset and very worried. Sonya did a great job of keeping you and Clara busy and away from me so you didn’t get too scared. Daddy eventually found his way back (he had gotten very lost) but you kept asking me, “Why did you think Daddy got eaten by a wolf?” which was, indeed, one of the scenarios kicking around my brain during his absence. But back to the pool – your favorite thing to do was to take the crazy water blaster guns that we had and blast Grandpa. Then you would throw the guns into the pool and swim out to get them back while Grandpa chased you. It was very important that no one ever shoot you with a water gun but you loved to get other people wet. Except me. You were very protective of me so I felt very safe. There was a pond with lots of frogs right next to the pool. You, Dad and Clara did some frog exploring, catching them in your net and then letting them go. One day, there was a frog in the pool and you helped Grandpa get it out. You are already much braver than I am. Grandma Phyllis and Grandpa Joel came to visit us one day and you were so excited to see them. You couldn’t wait for them to arrive and then were on your very cutest, best behavior the whole time they were there. You loved to water the flowers and grass with the hose and to eat outside until the mosquitoes became impossible to bear. You loved to set the table outside and then man the screen door and not let anyone in or out without paying an imaginary toll with money or a credit card or a metro card.

Daddy told you that all he wanted for his birthday was for you to wake him up in the morning (also an excellent present for Mommy). I had been sleeping near the door and you were waking me up every morning. Then Daddy and I switched sides of the bed to see if maybe you would wake him up instead so that your tired, pregnant Mama could get some extra sleep. No dice. You walked around the bed to wake me, Smartypants. But on Daddy’s birthday, when you came into our room, you tapped him on the arm and said, “You. Come on .” He was very happy.
At night we had a party for Daddy complete with an ice cream cake.

We made a pilgrimage from Great Barrington to Williamstown one day which you were very enthusiastic about. You really wanted to go because you remembered that the grocery store in Williamstown had child sized grocery carts and you really wanted to push one. It was worth 40 minutes in the car (and almost nothing is worth a car ride of any length to you) to get to go around a supermarket and fill a cart yourself. You were all excited to bring one of your babies to push as well but shortly after we pulled out of the driveway you realized that you had left her at home. You were very sad until Daddy said that you could get a new doll at the toy store in Williamstown. This was kind of out of character for Dad – he is generally not one to over-indulge like that – and you were quite happy. We did, indeed, buy a new baby (the LAST THING IN THE WORLD YOU NEEDED AS YOU ALREADY HAVE ABOUT FIFTY) and then went to the grocery store. Imagine our surprise to discover that there was no place for babies in the little shopping carts. A few weeks later we discovered that the co-op supermarket in Great Barrington had child sized supermarket carts and you were always very enthusiastic to go grocery shopping. The house we were staying in came with a car that you could drive and you were pretty much a natural. It was particularly fun to watch you go in reverse.

We went to two art classes at the Norman Rockwell Museum.
At the first, you made a fantastic pig puppet out of a paper bag. At the second, which Clara also came to, you painted an unbelievable self portrait. I was really amazed by how far your art had come and how much the painting looked like you – big smile, yellow hair.

We ended up leaving Great Barrington a little early because the weather wasn’t great and the mosquitoes were killing us so we didn’t celebrate your birthday there. You were very clear with me and Daddy that you didn’t want to have a party with your friends. You wanted a family only party at home. Daddy and I asked you if we could please please please just invite our friend Danny but you emphatically insisted that you did not want anyone but family there and we respect this. We planned a brunch party at home on the weekend after your birthday and then all went to see “Ponyo” together. It was such a fun day and Daddy and I think you are right that small parties at home are the best.
On your actual birthday, we went to lunch at Café Cluny and to see “Click Clack Moo” at the Lortel with Grandma Helaine, Sonya and Clara. And then at night you, me and Daddy went to Artisinal for your first fondue experience which you absolutely loved. We sat at the special table in the cheese cave and had a fabulous time. At one point during dinner, you heard a bunch of people in the dining room singing happy birthday and your face was stricken with terror. You thought they were singing to you and panicked for a minute. We assured you that we would not let anyone sing to you and just did a quiet rendition of Happy Birthday ourselves when dessert came. You were pretty excited about turning four but even in the couple of days between your actual birthday and your party at home, you insisted you were still three because you hadn’t had your party yet.

September was a slightly bittersweet month for me. I felt the time passing acutely – aware that you would soon be going back to school and our leisurely mornings trying to decide what to do that day would soon be over. Also, of course, I knew that our baby would soon be here and that that would change things a lot. We were in such a happy, wonderful place with you and our family that part of me didn’t want anything to be different. Of course, we were super excited for our new little girl to arrive but I did feel some sadness that the time alone with you would be coming to an end. I didn’t know exactly when our baby was going to come and I was really hoping that she would let me get you through the beginning of school in case you had a hard time again.

In mid-September we had a quick session in the Silver Room where we got to meet your teachers. You were fantastic with them and seemed to be pretty excited about starting school. Afterwards, we went to Grandpa’s office and to Dylan’s Candy Bar which I guess is now a first day of school tradition. The following week, when school started, you had no problem separating at all. You just went right into the classroom and I was the proudest mommy ever. I can’t believe how far you have come since last year. It is just amazing. The days of school gradually got longer and longer until you had the full day. You couldn’t believe how many things were on the schedule but you were so enthusiastic for everything – even rest! It is so wonderful how enthusiastic you get about things. You heard that you would have your own rest mat and you were so happy. Then there was a field trip to Central Park and you were going to take a school bus there. You couldn’t wait to go on the bus, to see who the driver was going to be. Everything is an exciting adventure. I know that you really love school because the day after our baby came, we gave you a choice to come to the hospital in the morning or to go to school. We were so happy that you chose to go to school and come to the hospital afterwards – it was the better choice for you and really let us know how much you like your class and teachers. We can tell, also, because now you mostly sing the Silver Room song but when you do sing the Sun Room song, you say, “The Sun Roomers are the best – NO! The Sun Roomers are the best – NO!” You’ve told us that the reason you say “No” is because the Silver Roomers are the best.

You are absolutely loving school, your teachers, the Silver Room. You cannot wait to go to school in the morning and there have been a couple Saturdays where you have been disappointed to learn that you wouldn’t be seeing Beryl, Robert and David – your beloved teachers. You do a ton of art in the Silver Room and your love for and skills with drawing and painting have exploded. Most of the things you make at school are for me. I know this because you tell me but also because you write Stella (usually in pink, of course) and Mom (usually in green, of course) on the back so that I absolutely definitely positively know that it is for me and no one else. You have made a few things for Daddy too. And after the baby was born, you started writing all of our names sometimes.

Right before the baby came, you, me and Daddy walked across the Brooklyn Bridge and went for dinner in Brooklyn Heights.
You absolutely love Brooklyn and had such a good time walking on the bridge, seeing the Statue of Liberty, looking out over the water. You love to tell Grandma Helaine that we are moving to Brooklyn. We aren’t completely sure whether this is because you really want to move there or because you know she doesn’t want us to and it is fun to torture her.

Back in May or June, Daddy and I started taking you to the bathroom before we went to bed so that you wouldn’t have any accidents now that you are not wearing diapers at night anymore. It never fails to amaze us that you can pee without waking up. One night as you sat on the toilet not peeing, Daddy whispered in your ear hoping to inspire you, “Stella. It’s Daddy. You can go pee pee” to which you replied, still sleeping, “You go in your teepee!”

You have mastered the monkey bars. You and Dad spent a lot of mornings in the park working on monkey bar skills and then one day you just did them. And now you are really amazing at them. You can even skip every other bar and do a few backwards! Your writing is getting good, your drawing and coloring is fantastic and you are just a delightful kid to be with.

The past month has been largely dominated by your new little sister and Daddy and I cannot believe how well you have adjusted to having her around. We both think she is the luckiest baby ever to be born since she has you as her big sister and protector. You are so loving towards her and it is a really beautiful thing to witness.
Before she got here, when we were still trying to figure out what we were going to call her, you said to Daddy, “What do you think of Sarah? Sarah’s a good name. Or Dogbone.” We really appreciated your input into the whole naming thing even though we chose to call her Vivian.

Thanks for being such a fun and funny daughter. We are having a great time with you.

Love,
Mommy

Big Day

2009-09-18T21:17:00.003-04:00

Today is a monumental day for a couple of reasons. First of all, you are now asleep in your first real true "big girl bed". After 4 + years of crib sleeping, you have graduated to a true twin bed. For the past year, the crib has been converted to a toddler bed but still, this feels like a big step. And we've taken it because you so badly want to share your room with your little sister that we had to make a change to give her the crib. To sweeten the deal (not that it appears to need any sweetening since you are so unbelievably excited about all things having to do with little sis -- except how long she is taking to get here!), we got you a beautiful pink canopy/tent that is going over the bed tomorrow.

It is also a big deal day because you finally finally -- after much cajoling and pleading to no avail -- learned how to write a really good "A" and now you can write your name beautifully. For a long time you have been great with the S - T - E - L - L but then your A looked like an "H' with a hat on top. I tried to explain that an A was like a triangle, that you had an extra line in there, etc. etc. but all to no avail. I generally leave you alone with things like this but it seemed so simple and I really tried. Then tonight we were having dinner ( a secular Rosh Hashanah meal) at Minetta Tavern and you were writing your name with crayons on the paper table cloth. I tried to explain the A but you were not interested. Then Daddy said, "Start the second line from the same place where you started the first line." You did it and lo and behold! A perfect "A". The best part, by far, was the amazing look of pride on your face. You had the hugest smile ever. And then you did about twenty great A's and wrote your name lots more. These little moments are the big moments. It was amazing.

To Stella, 3.11 (eeeek almost four)

2009-08-03T20:33:00.006-04:00

I just cannot believe that this is the last monthly letter I will write to you as a three year old. Yesterday we were watching Kiki's Delivery Service and Kiki's dad said something about her growing up so fast and I told you that you were too. You said, "Well, I am almost four. I am growing up but I will always be your little girl." One night recently you looked at me with very sad eyes. I asked you what was wrong and you said, "I don't want to live away from you and Daddy even when I'm a big kid." Of course I reassured you that you would not have to and you asked, "Even when I'm eleven?" "Even when you are eleven," I answered. You still looked unconvinced and concerned and finally said, "But you don't still live with Grandma Helaine and Grandpa Paul." I explained that you could live with Dad and me for as long as you wanted. At the moment, of course, you would choose to stay with us forever but I know that will change all too soon (as it should) and I am not looking forward to the day you move out. You are such fun to live with! You also told me not to long ago that you did not want to participate in any after school activities next year unless I can be there because, with school, it is too many things without Mommy. Even as I try to help you feel secure in your ever-increasing independence, I see the days ahead when you want to have as little as possible to do with me. I'm just trying to savor this special time when you adore me, give me tons of hugs and kisses, plead with me not to go when I have to leave you and love me more than anything. I feel the same way about you.

We spent much of the past month in Poughkeepsie because I was directing a play at New York Stage and Film. Before we got there I worried like crazy about how the housing would be for you, which camp to send you to and whether you would like it, what you and Ranny would do when you weren't at camp, etc. etc. I did an awful lot of fretting. And shopping. I bought new toys, flower and Hello Kitty wall appliques to brighten up our on campus apartment, all sorts of things I thought would help make you comfortable and happy. I obsessed endlessly about whether to send you to a supposedly amazing arts camp which you were a little young for or to the camp at the local JCC. Given your history of trouble with separation I agonized over which place would have a greater chance of success. I couldn't bear the thought of you and Ranny just walking around the Vassar campus all day so I was determined to make camp work but I was terrified that it would not. And that I wouldn't have Daddy around to support me if the separation was really difficult. Much of the worry was not necessary because you had such a great, fun attitude from the very start. You were excited to live in a house with stairs, happy to be in the country where it was quiet, excited to see bunnies and deer which were in abundance and extremely curious about your new environment. Daddy spent the first four days with us and you guys had a great time going to the playground, visiting the NYS&F offices and discovering the Vassar campus. You were in this really challenging phase of not listening and being a little rude to people sometimes which we didn't like at all so we got very very strict with you. We told you that if you didn't listen, you would not be allowed to ride your bike all day. And if you didn't listen two times, we would not read any books before bed. Your bike and books -- two precious things you didn't want to lose! We only had to take the bike away once and towards the end of that day, when you really wanted to ride you told daddy, "That was a bad idea! You should have just taken my toys away!" It really worked and your behavior changed a lot. And then we had such a fun time. You loved all the actors and the writer I was working with and seemed to really look forward to picking me up from rehearsal every day. It was so nice when the stage manager opened the door to the rehearsal room at the end of the day and you would run at full speed into my arms. Truth be told I'm not sure which you were more excited about -- seeing me or getting your daily ricola cough drop but it really doesn't matter. No matter how great rehearsal was, seeing you at the end of it was the highlight of the day.

Camp was a pretty good success too. The first week went very well. You had a hard time letting me go the first day but then you became friends with a girl named Hannah and, for the rest of the week, as long as she was there, you were fine to have me go. You liked the counselors, Miss Jackie and Miss Ashley and were very excited to play in the garden. (Strangely, the second week of camp was more difficult for you but I think that was because I was in tech and working longer days so you were seeing a bit less of me the rest of the day.) You did some great art projects and seemed to have a good time. We had a lot of picnic dinners -- eating outside on the grass outside our apartment. The first few days, an Australian family lived next door to us (the mom was a playwright at NYS&F) and they had a five year old daughter named Lucy. You had a lot of fun playing with her. I think the only conflict you guys had was when she beat you in a foot race in which she was wearing flip flops and you were wearing sneakers. You just couldn't believe that someone in bad running footwear could be faster than you. It was no consolation that she was older. After she and her family left, the rest of the time we were in Poughkeepsie, whenever you saw a plane in the sky you said, "Maybe Lucy is on that plane." You really wanted us to have new next door neighbors but no one moved into Lucy's apartment. We did have some other neighbors and whenever you saw anyone outside, you would run to the door and go outside to meet and talk to them. You became unbelievably outgoing. In fact, I don't think you were pretend shy once in Poughkeepsie. It was a pretty drastic turnaround.

You and I often played "Next Door Neighbor" in which we would pretend to be neighbors who met coincidentally on the street and then excitedly greeted each other and went off together to a meeting or to a show or to rehearsal. We also played a lot of babies. Frequently I was the baby and you were the mommy. This was a lot of fun except whenever you wanted me to crawl. Um, sorry, I am seven months pregnant. I don't think so.

Perhaps some of your passion about playing babies stems from the fact that we have a real baby on the way. You could not be more excited about it. You are so excited, in fact, that Dad and I thought you would love to accompany me to a sonogram so that you could see your sister. Ooops. About, oh, six seconds in to the sonogram you declared it boring and later told Grandma Helaine, disappointedly, that it was black and white. But whenever anyone congratulates me you say, "We're having a baby." And you happily talk about your sister all the time, hug and kiss my belly and tell us your plans to share with the baby and hold her if she is crying and feed her, etc. You want to name her Aliza and would settle for Eliza but you have been told that Daddy doesn't like these names so you know it isn't happening. You have, however, named pretty much all of your babies Aliza instead. Our real baby is still without a moniker.

On July 4, there was a full company picnic and we all went. You had such a good time talking to people, playing with bubbles, lawn bowling, getting a golf cart ride and running in the grass with Daddy. In the midst of running with Daddy, however, you were stung by a bee between your toes. You started shrieking, "Mama! Help me!" which was so heart breaking since there was nothing I could do to take away the pain. Someone told us to put mud on it so Daddy frantically tried to dig up grass and dirt but it didn't help and, in fact, only made you miserable. Later you asked me what it was and, not wanting you to have a lifetime fear of bees I answered, "I don't know. I think it was a thorny flower." You answered, "I think it was a bug because I pulled it out from between my toes." So I had to be honest and, remarkably, it hasn't made you frightened of those yellow and black bugs anyway. And now we know that you aren't allergic to bee stings which is good to know. (In fact, it was the only question they asked me about you the first day of camp!)

We came home on my day's off and had great NYC fun. We went to the carousel in Central Park and you rode on a horse instead of the couch for the first time. You wouldn't go without me and you wanted a lot of rides on different horses -- some that went up and down, some that didn't -- so we spent a bloody fortune there but it was totally worth it to see that exhilirating smile on your face as you went around and around. We also went to the Empire State Building, a place you have been eager to visit. You really wanted me to take you to The Statue of Liverty (that's what you call it -- you also call our lobby the "lovvy". I don't have the heart to correct you because it is so cute! You also say "feedbreasting" instead of "breastfeeding" and we have all pretty much adopted this term in the hopes that your cuteness lasts as long as possible) but I had an appointment at the doctor that didn't leave enough time for that expedition.

Spending this month with you was such fun. I was definitely a bit aware of this summer as my last hurrah with you as my only daughter. I am so excited to have another little girl and I know that we are all going to have so much fun together -- that it will end up being better than ever -- but a part of me will miss giving all of myself to you. So having you with me in Poughkeepsie was such fun. I was really aware when we were there that it was a time I would look back on with great fondness, that it would be a happy memory in my time as a mother. I was very glad to be working -- especially on a play I liked so much with a lovely cast -- and knew that it would be my last job for a couple months since the baby is coming in September. But being there with you really made it special. We had such a good time together everyday and I never felt too lonely which out of town work can sometimes be. We skyped with Daddy a lot, Grandma and Grandpa came to visit us and everyone loved having you around --- me especially. You are such a fun companion. I feel very lucky to have you around. I've just got this great, funny, adorable little friend/daughter with me all the time.

I hope you are as much fun as a four year old as you have been as a three year old and thanks for giving me the privilege of being your mom.

I love you.
Love,
Mommy

A Second Hand Story From Poughkeepsie

2009-07-02T01:07:00.003-04:00

I am at NYS&F now and have been here since Monday. You and Daddy are coming up tomorrow and I can't wait to see you both. I miss you so much. I came up a couple days early so I could get things set up for your arrival. It has been a ridiculous amount of work -- endless trips to Target and Bed Bath & Beyond and the grocery store. I want so badly for you to have a good time up here. I'm happy to be working one last job before the new baby comes but I miss you terribly and it would be really hard for me to be away from you for much longer.

On Monday night, Daddy told me that you were really sad that I wasn't there so he told you a long story about the Sun Room and how you didn't like it at first and then you kept going back and eventually you loved it. Honestly, I'm not sure what that story had to do with missing me but I know how much you like to hear stories about things that have happened in your life so I bet it calmed you down for awhile. Daddy concluded by telling you, "That which doesn't kill you makes you stronger." After a moment, you turned to him with a puzzled look and asked, "What witch?"

Our Village

2009-06-12T22:33:00.002-04:00

Tonight we read seven books before you went to sleep. This is four more than usual and has, I think, established a new precedent that I may never be able to undo. One of the books we read is called "My Daddy and Me" and talks about all the fun things the kids in the book like to do with their dad. Your dad has been working a lot and you really miss him so I think that is why this book is now in the nightly rotation. On one page of the book, a child is sledding and building a snowman with his father. When we got to that page you looked at me with big, desperate eyes and asked, "Mommy, when is it going to snow in our village?"

The Sun Room

2009-06-03T08:07:00.005-04:00

Today is the last day of your first year of nursery school but you woke up in the middle of the night with a really high fever and so you aren't going to be there. The last two days were filled with end of the year celebrations so I think you had all the closure you need. I am a different story and was really looking forward to one last goodbye and thank you to your teachers and to one last half hour watching you in the classroom through the two-sided mirror in Nancy's office.

You could not have had a better year at school and Daddy and I could not be more proud of how far you have come. When I think back on the little girl who didn't want to be left in the classroom "without a grown-up who loves me", who was terrified to go to school every day and clung to me and then to Daddy when it was time for us to go, it just makes me so proud of where you are now. When the Sun Room door opens, you cannot get in there fast enough. You have really great friends and have loved learning and playing with them. The curriculum has been pretty amazing culminating in the raising and letting go of butterflies. Your teachers got caterpillars from California and you watched them get bigger and bigger, become butterflies and then you released them off of the terrace at school. It was a beautiful metaphor for how you have grown this year. I'm not ready to release you yet but I'm really proud of the little butterfly you have become.

On Monday after school we had a big picnic with almost all the Sun Roomers (a few people didn't make it and you really missed them and noticed their absence). We had had one in the same spot at the beginning of the year and it really showed what a difference a year makes. This time you ran off with your friends, playing hide and seek and running all over the field. You played with bubbles and balloons and had a great time. At one extremely scary moment, when it was time to leave, George's mom and I could not find you two and I kind of panicked. It was about three minutes of utter terror before you emerged from behind a tree on the far side of the field. But other than that, it was a really great, fun time and as we were leaving you said, "Mommy, can we do that again?"

On Tuesday was your end of school classroom party and Daddy and I got to come to the Sun Room and spend time in your amazing classroom.

We had a big celebration and Jodi came and sang songs. I only cried twice. You and your teachers put together a great book about your year as a Sun Roomer with lots of pictures and information about you. I didn't know you were 7 1/4 blocks tall.

You decided to wear your very fancy sparkle dress to school for the occasion and it was a big hit. You guys had made a Butterfly Cake and you were very excited to eat it.

Unfortunately, it didn't taste as good as it looked.

We had a really great time and are both so incredibly proud of you.

Too bad that you are missing the last day of school today because you are very sick.

But all your Sun Room friends called a little while ago and sang to you, "We miss Stella. We hope she feels better soon."
Daddy and I couldn't have imagined a better first year of school for you. We are really excited for all our adventures this summer and are so proud and happy about the little girl you are.

To Stella, 3.9

2009-05-29T21:39:00.004-04:00

Dear Stella,

This was a pretty big month for a couple reasons. First of all, Daddy and I took our first vacation without you in more than two years. We went to Jamaica and you went to Grandma Helaine and Grandpa Paul's house. In the past few month you have gotten incredibly attached to us and to home - you don't really like sleeping at Grandma and Grandpa's and just pretty much want to be with us all the time. Which is very nice. But which did not deter us from planning a trip alone. We knew it would be awhile before we were able to do this again, and it seemed like a very important thing for our health, sanity and marriage. Fortunately, it all went really well and you have a fabulous time with Grandma and Grandpa and they with you. I bought you a present and wrote a note for each day we were away with the plan that you would open one every day. That plan didn't work out perfectly because I think you opened all the presents at once -- but Grandma told me that you loved the notes and had her read them to you frequently. Grandpa got to take you to school one day which he loved and you did a really great job being brave and independent while we were gone. When I picked you up from school (the first time we saw each other in five days), you were so happy and excited. You gave me such great, big hugs and we had a really fun afternoon. We went to lunch at Blossom and to the Museum of Natural History and it was great to be back with you. I think it also gave you a great sense of accomplishment and independence.

While we were away, Daddy and I opened the envelope from the doctor that told us what the gender of our baby is. You had made your preference abundantly clear with statements like, "If it is a boy, I am throwing it out the window." We were excited to learn that we were having another girl and that you would have the sister you so desperately want. When we came home, we made an envelope for you to open and wrote "Girl" in big pink letters. You were very happy when you opened the envelope and couldn't wait to go to dinner the next night so you could tell everyone what you were getting.

A few other very big milestones were tackled this month. You are all done with diapers at night now. Daddy and I take you to the bathroom before we go to bed and miraculously, most nights you pee without even waking up.

You can write your name. For awhile you could only write "TELLA" and you would ask someone else to write the S but then one day, you tackled the tricky letter and you are getting pretty good at it.

You have decided to marry Jasper after all (rather than Clara). The other day, Daddy and I witnessed a very cute scene through the two sided mirror/window that goes from Nancy's office into the Sun Room. (Watching you in your classroom is a favorite pasttime -- it is so incredible to see you when you don't know we are there and just to be able to observe how you are in that environment.) The tables in the classroom were all set up for baking cookies and all the children went to sit down. You were standing in the middle looking at all the tables and you couldn't find a table with two seats. You were looking around and holding on to Jasper. You so wanted to sit with him. Finally, one of the teachers got up from a table so there were two seats available and you both jumped into them. Your relationship with Jasper is really special and it's wonderful that you've made such a good friend. I can't believe how far you have come since you started in the Sun Room and I'm just so proud of you and delighted at the little girl you are becoming.

The biggest event of all this month was, of course, my birthday because you and Daddy planned the most amazing party for me. You guys have been going out weekend mornings to have breakfast together and to play in the park. One morning, you were eating at The Corner Bakery and decided to order me a cake which you designed all by yourself. It had a rainbow on it and tons of stars in all different colors. It was pretty amazing. It was also the first time I had a birthday cake that said "Happy Birthday Mommy" and I loved it. You drew me a beautiful picture and glued flowers on to it and you and Daddy got lots of decorations for our apartment. Daddy didn't work all weekend and we had a really fun time. You discovered your big birl bicycle which has been sitting around our apartment untouched for nearly a year. You instantly fell in love with it and basically didn't get off it all weekend. We went to the Mermaid Inn for dinner and you didn't even want the chocolate pudding -- you just wanted back on your bike. In the morning, I couldn't get you to watch a movie -- you just wanted to get on your bike and go out. You are a Bike Monster and Daddy and I love it!

Thanks for continuing to bring so much fun into our lives.
We love you a lot.
And while we had a great time in Jamaica and are planning to go away alone together every year, we are really happy to have you to come home to.

Love,
Mommy

To Stella, three and a half:

2009-02-27T21:32:00.001-05:00

The past two months have been filled with fun adventures and you growing up more and more every day.

Way back on a Saturday around New Years, we were sitting in the apartment wondering what to do that day when Daddy said, “Let’s go to the circus”. That’s one of those things that is really great about living in New York City. You can wake up with no plans and in fifteen minutes be sitting in the first row at the Big Apple Circus as we soon were.

Little did we know, when we purchased our first row seats, how much audience participation there was going to be because before long, Mommy was plucked out of her chair and made to dance with a man pretending to be a wind up toy. Apparently you were very worried that I was going to join the circus forever -- so nervous, in fact, that Daddy spent all his time consoling you and wasn’t able to get a picture of my circus debut. However, at intermission when we asked you what your favorite part of the circus was, it was mommy dancing which is interesting since you can see that at home pretty much anytime you want. Maybe we should ask for our money back.

There was quite a bit of snow recently which made for some good times stomping around in your boots and new snowsuit. You were expecially happy to learn that you could make smoke when you blew out in the cold and you didn't even need a cigarette to do it!

We're hoping that there may still be some good sledding this winter.

For five weeks I had a job at Julliard which meant that I worked from around 6:30-10:30pm Monday-Friday. This was a little hard on you as I am generally the one who reads you books before bed. Daddy made a big effort to get home from work early and you and he really bonded during the time I was gone. You did start acting out a little bit at times and we knew that you weren’t so happy with my working (it was easy to know this since you pretty much told us) but overall, it went okay and your relationship with Daddy has gotten very strong and beautiful. You guys invented a game called Alligator in which you have to climb from one piece of furniture in the living room to another without ever touching the carpet; if you touch the carpet, an alligator eats you! You love love love to play this. I’m not sure it is great parenting to teach your kid to climb on furniture but it sure is fun. You love to play a kind of follow the leader in which one of us has to do everything that you do. But I guess you and Dad must have been doing this one night and you got frustrated with it so he decided to give you a “safe word” so we’d know when to stop. Now whenever you want to play you will say “You do what I do. And when I say banana you go and when I say banana you stop. Banana!”

Dad told me that every night before you fell asleep you would remind him to make sure that I came in as soon as I got home to sing “Bog Down in the Valley-O”, “Twelve Days of Christmas” and “I’m Gonna Sit at the Welcome Table”.

You have become quite fascinated with “bad words” but never say them out loud. Instead you say just about every thing you can think of that rhymes with a bad word. For instance, you will walk around the house saying “Buckin’ suckin’ luckin’ muckin,’” etc. You will also get your imaginary friend in deep trouble by telling me and Dad, “Billy Baba said “xxx” and “xxx” in school near his teachers.” Those “xxx” stand for “shit” and “fuckin’ crazy” but you don’t say those words out loud, you just mouth them. And then you make us yell at Billy Baba.

Lately Billy has been wreaking all sorts of havoc around the house. You will say, “Mom, Billy Baba just spilled the water and knocked over the chair” and then want us to really yell at him and say that we are going to throw him out the window or lock him in the closet. Sometimes you want us to be really mean to you too – to yell at you for imagined infractions and threaten to do things like shut you in your room with the lights out (which for the record, Department of Child Services, we would never ever do). You will say “Pretend to be so mad” and if we don’t yell enough you will say “Be even madder.” Then we have to come up with really horrible tortures that we will inflict on you. (Oh no. I know you are going to read this one day and be all “I can’t believe you guys yelled at me so much when I was only 3 ½. No wonder I have ______ “(fill in the blank: anger issues, sadomasochistic tendencies, a fear of confrontation). Often when Daddy and I do this, you love whatever I say but then whatever Daddy says you respond, “That’s too mean, right?” and look at me to agree with you. You do this even if it is not so mean. I think it is a little game – telling Daddy he is doing something wrong. It is kind of like in St. Thomas when we found the little spot of chocolate on the quilt and you decided “Daddy doodied the bed.” It is just fun to gang up on Daddy.

But you and Daddy truly are best buddies. You have given him the nickname of “Buckin’” (hmmm…wonder where that came from) and he calls you “Magoogoo.” This has been going on for weeks and I was only just christened “Ben Hen” the other day. But mostly this is your little ritual with him and you love it. Sometimes you call him “Buckin’ Stoop” which I think translates in your little mind to “fuckin’ stupid” but which you would never ever say. And it isn’t that you think Daddy is that but just that it is two words you know you aren’t supposed to say and so you kind of feel like you are getting away with something and that no one else is in on your joke.

You have become completely obsessed with the ballet Coppelia and love watching the dvd of it that Grandma and Grandpa bought you. At the beginning of the dvd, the conductor comes out and you invariably say, “That conductor looks like Uncle Steven” which, I guess, he does only because they sort of have similar hair. You will also read aloud with the opening section which summarizes the story. You have it completely memorized (as you do many many books) and you will either “read” it yourself or ask me to. This has also translated into a semi-obsession with being first for everything so that you can be Swanilda. In the opening credits to the ballet, the dancer playing Swanilda is first, Franz is second and Dr. Coppelius is third. So pretty much anything you, me and Daddy do together, we have to go in order so that you are Swanilda, I am Franz and Dad is Dr. C. And if I do something like accidently press for the elevator and you say you want to do it and I say, “Okay, we’ll let this elevator go and then you can press for it and we’ll take the next one,” that will not be good enough because it will make you Franz and me Swanilda. Though it makes Dad and me a bit sad that you are so sad, it is also pretty funny when you cry hysterically and scream“I want to be Swaaaaaanilda!”

You’ve caused a bit of trouble in the past month or so with not being the most gracious playdate hostess. We had a couple occasions where you would not let your friends play with certain toys or go into your room even. We established a rule ages ago that you can put any toys you don’t want to share in my and Daddy’s room. But you started being mean to some people who came over and not letting them play with things you had not put away. Ranny did not seem to do a great job at mending the situation and so I started making sure I would be home whenever you had friends over. Things got much better but you have also become very opinionated about who you want to have playdates with. It seems a bit early for you to have such strong feelings about this but you do and we are respecting it.

One person who you are always happy to play with is Jasper. I think he will go down in history as your first “boyfriend” given that he recently proposed to you. You let him down gently telling him that you were going to marry Clara and could not marry him but you guys are really great friends anyway and you really take care of each other in the Sun Room.

With everyday, your vocabulary grows and you become even more verbal and animated. You have such a sparkly personality and are so funny and sharp. You sing lots of songs and tell great stories. Daddy and I are definitely not making enough videos to capture you as you are now. So how about you just stay 3 ½ forever?

Actually, I am pretty excited to see who you become and how you grow and change everyday but I am trying to burn into my brain many memories of how you are now. I truly feel like I got the child I always wanted and we are a really great match. I am having such a great time being your mom.

Happy half birthday.
Love,
Mommy

A Few Great Stella Holiday Stories (To Stella 4.4),

2009-02-03T12:26:00.000-05:00

One day in early December you came home from school very upset. When I asked you what was wrong you told me that you had to choose a costume at school to make and wear for the Chanukkah party. Then in your most adamantly upset voice you declared, "I don't want to be a dreidel or a latke!" This carried on for some time such that Dad and I spoke to Robert and he asked if you were "costume averse" which you aren't really although you are averse to looking foolish or to having too much attention focused on you. Your teachers stopped calling it a costume and eventually won you over. You ended up being a relatively willing and very adorable dreidel. Your class Chanukkah party was so much fun!

Christmas with a four year old is one of life's true pleasures. Good thing that you are at a Jewish preschool so they are taking care of any religious education you may need. You already know more than either Daddy or me (I can just hear Dad now saying, "Speak for yourself.") Nevertheless, I am a full-on Christmas mom and have pretty successfully converted Dad and shown him the splendor of Santa's holiday. We had a great time this year baking cookies (with Hugo and Jasper),
decorating our tree and talking constantly about what Santa was going to bring you and whether or not you were on the naughty list or the nice list. The night that Dad went to get the tree, you and I stayed home and looked out the window waiting to see him come around the corner with the chosen one. When he finally came into view and you saw the tree he had selected you burst into tears because it wasn't big enough.
We decorated our tree on the last night of Channukah and Grandma and Grandma came over to help us and to celebrate the Jewish portion of the holiday season with us.

On Christmas eve, you left out some cookies, carrots and water for Santa and the reindeer. You were really excited, of course, although a bit apprehensive thinking about a stranger and some animals stomping around your apartment. And you had a lot of questions about how Santa was going to get in and whether he would come to our house first or to the neighbors, etc. But eventually you fell asleep and Daddy and I were able to arrange all your and Vivian's presents under the tree. When you woke up, you came straight into our bedroom and woke me up by asking, "Did Santa do us yet?" I said I didn't know so you and I went together to the living room to find out. When you saw the presents you started jumping up and down saying, "Yay! I was on the nice list!"

Then you and I were sitting on the couch and you looked out the window and told me that you saw Santa in the sky do a quick spin and then fly off. It really made me wonder whether you were somehow in on the conspiracy. Like a part of you knows that there is no real Santa (wait, WHAT?????) although you are happy to pretend. But a few days after Christmas, Grandma Helaine told you that she was talking to Santa about you and you asked her, "Where did you see him? At the North Pole or Macy's?"

Santa brought you lots of great toys but, interestingly, your two favorites were a ballerina pen and a slinky -- both of which I had gotten as Chanukkah presents but never given to you as, during the Festival of Lights, just lighting candles and saying the prayer was fun enough for you. The bigger presents -- a cash register (something you had said you wanted for a long time), a Little Mermaid fountain for the bathtub (which you begged for) were much less exciting to you. In fact, with your larger presents you have steadfastly refused to open the boxes. You like looking at the pictures on the outside but you absolutely refuse to open them or play with them. Well, they are yours so okay.

For the record, I am an equal opportunity holiday mom (even if Christmas is kind of my favorite) and we lit candles every night on Chanukkah too. You made a beautiful menorah in the Silver Room and were very proud of it. Every night we each bet on which candle would burn out first and then Daddy and I prayed that you would win or we could distract you at the last minute if you weren't going to. We know one day we will have to teach you that it is okay to lose but you are clearly not ready for this lesson yet.

You loved it when you and Vivian would wear your matching holiday pajamas. These were a good purchase that have gotten a lot of use! We are so happy that you are so happy to have a little sister.

Thanks for helping make this such a fun holiday! Why don't you just stay four forever?

Love,
Mom

Good Night, Sweet Girl

2009-01-06T20:52:00.003-05:00

I just put you to bed -- Daddy has to work late so he wasn't around to sing the last song which has been his job for quite some time now. When I went to leave your room, you told me you really wanted one more song. "Sing Dan Zanes," you said. This translates to "sing the Twelve Days of Christmas", the very very, very long song that Dan Zanes sang in his holiday concert and which (guess why?) has become one of your favorite songs before bed. I agreed and you told me that you were going to do the hand gestures and I should just sing.

Throughout the song, you were flat on your back doing the most incredible hand gestures high up in the air. You had a very serious, intent look on your face and were completely absorbed in what you were doing. It was so adorable that I was even singing a little slower than usual to prolong the joy for both of us. Then suddenly, you buried your arms under your blankets and started doing tiny little gestures. I asked if you were cold and you said you weren't, that only the upper parts of your arms were cold when you were raising your arms. I asked if you wanted your heat turned on. "No," you replied. "I just can't do high golden rings."

Shoe Fetish

2009-01-04T11:00:00.003-05:00

You are starting early.

Happy New Year

2009-01-02T12:31:00.002-05:00

To Stella, forty months

2008-12-27T12:08:00.000-05:00

Daddy and I are having too much fun with you and have decided that the world would be a much better place if everyone had a 3 year old living at home with them. At least if that three year old had your personality, smarts, disposition and adorable little face. I can’t believe that soon you will be closer to 4 than to 3. I’ve probably said this before but I really do just want to freeze time so that you will always be exactly as you are right now. But at the same time, I am so looking forward to each day as you grow – to seeing who you are and what you will become, what you will do with your amazing life. Having a child has made me understand the joy and importance of living in the moment (something I don’t think I’ve been very good at in the past) and also has given me the capacity to do so. For example, as we are walking down the street, I often notice how slowly we are going as you stop to point out a cigarette butt or a little sparkle on the sidewalk. But rather than trying to hurry you along, I so enjoy these little moments. Without you I would just be rushing to the next place not noticing 1/100th of the things you do. Or at night, dancing to “Hey Ya” – with you, me and Daddy all doing our (assigned by you) moves. There is no thought of anything but dancing, laughing and enjoying the moment. Picking you up from school is one of my favorite things to do and actually makes me happy that your school is across town and not a few blocks from our home. I love how excited you are to see me standing in the doorway and how enthusiastically you greet me. I love going to the Y Café with you to eat lunch and then walking to the bus stop and taking the bus across town all the while hearing about your day at school. I know that the time will come when you will not want to tell me everything that happened at school so I am cherishing the time now that you do want to share your adventures with me.

One morning this month, shortly after you woke up you asked me a very serious question. “Mommy, do you remember that time that I was in the car with that man and then I got out of the car and ran across the field to you and Ranny.” I did not, in fact, remember that event and told you so as I realized that you were telling me about a dream you had. It was so exciting to know that you were dreaming and I was very happy to learn that the man in the car was nice to you and opened the door of the car for you and that it was a happy dream. I explained that having dreams was kind of like watching movies while you were sleeping and that seemed to make a lot of sense to you. Another day you told me about your dreams and remembered which was the one you had in your bed (first part of the night) and which you had in our bed (second part of the night).

This month seems to have marked the end of your mommy all the time phase and the beginning of your daddy is amazing phase. You frequently want Dad to do things for you and with you now and will often choose him over me when that option exists. This development has not made me sad – it is really wonderful to see you guys playing together and you have made your father very happy. Plus I get a little break now and then which is kind of nice.

We had a really wonderful Hanukkah and Christmas this year. You made it pretty clear early on that you did not under any circumstances want to visit Santa this year. We therefore did not make our annual pilgrimage to Macy’s. I honestly don’t think you remember going last year – and really, it wasn’t that tramautizing! -- but you have seen the picture of the back of your head from that day and definitely decided you didn’t want to endure the torture of an elf talking your picture again. We did order the book The Elf on the Shelf and told you that Santa was going to be sending an elf to our house to check up on you. You were quite concerned about this and the day the box arrived, you were pretty apprehensive. We both knocked on the box and shouted “hello” to see if the elf would respond. You were very relieved when it was only a doll and not a real elf.

Daddy and I are so happy that school has taken care of teaching you all about Hanukkah and you know more Hanukkah songs now than we even knew existed. Our favorite is the one about Antiochus and the Macabbes because you have to put on your bossy voice when you sing the first part of it and it is pretty cute when you do it. We loved the Sun Room Hanukkah party where we sang songs with all your classmates and their parents, lit the beautiful menorah the sun roomers made together and ate latkes, bagels and fruit. You were so happy to have us there and it was a pretty special occasion for all of us. You’ve blossomed so much at school and become such an independent little girl. Sometimes I joke with you that I am going to be out of a job soon because you can do so many things by yourself. You always assure me that you still need me though. Phew.

I was surprised this month when we were watching Godspell and you told me that Jesus was going to say the same blessing that you say in school. I asked you what it was and you answered, “Baruch ata adonai…” I hadn’t realized that you knew the prayer although I should have realized that the weekly Shabbat celebration in school was sinking in. You have lots of phrases now that I can only imagine you picked up in school like “You do your work and I’ll do mine”, “Mommy, I have a job for you.” “Put your thinking cap on” and “zip your lips”.

Daddy and I decided to take you away this year because we knew how much you were dying to get in some quality swimming. You’ve told us more than once when we move to a new apartment it better have a swimming pool. We tagged along with Steven, Sonya and Clara on their planned trip to St. Thomas and were so glad that we did. We had such a fantastic time. You could not get enough of the swimming pools and also loved the ocean. Your floaty bathing suit gave you a lot of security and allowed you to swim independently. It also made Daddy and I realize that you have become very dependent on it and we need to sign you up for swim lessons stat so that you can get more confidence in the water without floaties. Every morning when you woke up, the first thing you wanted to do was go to Clara’s room to see if she was awake. You loved the freedom of leaving our room and walking down the hall by yourself. You vehemently demanded that we not accompany you so we didn’t. We did however, sneak out after you were gone to make sure that you made it inside safely. You love Clara so much and always want to do the things she is doing. So if Clara was eating eggs for breakfast, guess what you’d have? And if Clara wanted to go make sand art, guess what you wanted to do? There were a few exceptions – you didn’t mind going in the cold pool although Clara stayed far away from it. And you took to the ocean much more quickly than she did. But otherwise, the two of you were pretty much attached at the hip. You are really lucky to have each other and seem to complement each other nicely.

While it has become very hard -- nearly impossible – to get you to nap unless we can take you for a walk in the stroller, in St. Thomas you loved napping on the beach. We’d set you up in a lounge chair with a big canopy and surround you with pillows and you would happily drift off. We knew you were ready for a nap because you’d ask us, “Is it nap time or night time?” which meant you were tired and trying to figure out whether it was time for a quick snooze or a long one.

We came back in time to celebrate Christmas with Grandma and Grandpa. On the 24th we went to a really fun Dan Zanes concert at the New Victory Theater. You loved the song The Twelve Days of Christmas and have made me sing it multiple times a day since then. I’ve surprised myself with my ability to remember what my true love gave me on each of the days. The song has a remarkable ability to lull you to sleep when I sing it slowly during nap time or night time. Ah repetition.

We had a great Christmas Eve party at their house and Santa brought you some good stuff – including this plastic doll with hair that you can brush and make-up you can put on. You played with something like it at Paul and Annie’s house and it was literally the only thing you wanted for Christmas. The next day, at our house, Santa brought you a bunch of things you didn’t really want but that you seem to like anyway. I think your favorite were the stompers which took you awhile to get the hang of but which you’ve now mastered and enjoy. You also got a great set of dominoes, tinkertoys and a spelling puzzle with lower case letters. Daddy and I were shocked to discover that you knew most of the lower case alphabet. A few times I slipped up and said things like, “Do you want to play with those dominoes we got you?” and you’d respond, “You mean the ones Santa brought me?”

On Christmas morning, we did our usual thing where Dad went into the living room first to make sure Santa and the reindeer were gone and shouted that Rudolph was still in the house. When you came into the living room, he told you that just moments earlier Rudolph was sitting on the couch nibbling on a carrot and when he saw Daddy he jumped up and scurried out the window to which you replied, “Real or pretend?” I suspect we might have a hard time continuing this charade for too many years. You are savvy beyond your years.

Some other highlights this month (in no particular -- and definitely not chronological -- order) included going to the Radio City Christmas Show (thanks, Rod) which you enjoyed a lot even though it was a little too long. You didn’t want to leave because I explained to you that often the end of shows is the best part (the finale). Instead, for the last fifteen minutes you just kept saying things like, “Is it over NOW?” and “It’s taking too long!” But you were pretty mesmerized for the first hour and we had a really great time. You also told me you wanted to go see the windows at "Macy’s house" but we went to the Saks ones instead because they were closer. And we looked at the big tree in Rockefeller Center to which you had almost no reaction. We went ice skating which you loved as you do almost any physically challenging activity.

We saw Despereaux on Christmas day. Grandpa introduced you to Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat which you loved. However, you mistakenly took Bee Movie home thinking it was Joseph and were deeply disappointed when you put it on and discovered you’d taken the wrong dvd. You saw your first ballet, The Nutcracker.

And most enjoyably, you got your first manicure and pedicure at the nail salon. In the past I asked you if you wanted to go and get your nails done but you always wanted me to polish them instead. Suddenly you changed your mind and decided you were ready for the pros and you had such an amazing time doing it. Even though I admit that we are starting you a bit early, it was perhaps one of the most adorable experiences we’ve had with you.

Daddy enjoyed his pedicure too!

In addition to being one of the most strong-willed, determined children I have ever encountered, you are also incredibly kind. So when you say something like, “No! I don’t want your help! You stay over there!” you will finish it with “Are you sad?” You do want to make sure that no one’s feelings are hurt even as you get your way.

Almost everything is made more enjoyable by your presence but nothing more so than the holidays. We loved having you around this month to decorate Christmas trees and light the menorah, to point out the Santas and holidays decorations all over the city. You are such a happy, exuberant little girl and it is such fun to see things through your sparkly eyes.

I love you.
Love,
Mommy

To Stella, Thirty Nine Months Old

2008-11-29T12:51:00.000-05:00

This month's letter need be about basically only one thing -- Halloween. You look forward to it for months planning what you are going to wear and then on the actual day, well, there are no words to describe. This year was no exception. For weeks you were committed to being a blue butterfly. We found all the elements of the costume online and I showed them to you a couple times to confirm that that was absolutely definitely positively without a doubt what you wanted to be. But I took it even a step further and DID NOT ORDER THE COSTUME waiting waiting waiting for the last minute so you had ample time to change your mind. And lo and behold, about ten days before Halloween, you and Ranny were in a toy store where you found a ballerina witch costume which you tried on and fell in love with. Fell so in love, in fact, that you had a crazy temper tantrum in the store when it was time to come home and were, according to Ranny, lying on the floor of the store refusing to take the costume off. Daddy and I were very upset when the minutes past -- 6:05, 6:10, 6:15, 6:20 and still you weren't home. We finally called to find out where you guys were and discovered that Ranny was kind of freaking out in the store unsure of how to get you out of there. Eventually she did but no one could temper your love for the ballerina witch costume. Ever the internet sleuth, I went online and found the very same costume for 1/3 the price. You confirmed that yes, the polyester, tulle and taffetta costume I had found was indeed the Halloween garb of your dreams and, much to my chagrin, I placed the order. (I'm not going to lie -- I was into the seven times more expensive beautiful blue butterfly costume but I know that Halloween is no longer about me so I put my desires on hold in order to indulge your cheaper and tackier ones.) Several days later the costume arrived to much joy and fanfare (from you). You tried it on. Your prayers had been answered. It was just as you remembered it. Days passed. You continued to tell everyone who asked that you were going to be a ballerina witch for Halloween. And then, with less than a week before the big day, you made a confession. "Mommy," you said sheepishly, "I can't wear the ballerina witch costume. It's itchy." What could I possibly say? You clearly had a legitimate reason for having soured on the ballerina witch so we couldn't take the hard line approach -- you buy it, you wear it. And so you decided that you wanted to be a butterfly, after all, although a pink one rather than a blue one. So I went back online, ordered the ridiculously expensive pink butterfly costume and Daddy convinced me to splurge for overnight delivery just in case there was yet another problem. We take Halloween seriously in our house.

Fast forward a couple days. I met you at Grandma and Grandpa's house where you got dressed in your costume which included a dark pink lipstick I bought especially for you. We went to the parade at Washington Square Park. The weather was beautiful -- bearing no resemblance to the cold Halloween's I recall from my childhood. It was so warm that a pink butterfly could walk down the street in a short sleeve leotard and not be the slightest bit uncomfortable. You were so adorable and I wasn't the only one who thought so. We overheard a woman comment that you were the cutest thing she'd seen all day. You weren't that into the parade so we went ahead to the street fair at the parade's end where you didn't want to go on the merry-go-round or any of the rides but were very happy to watch. You were fascinated by all the other costumes and excited to be outside in a costume yourself. We stopped by a party at the Bowery Bar that I had helped to organize (via Trip's house where we went briefly so you could show him your costume) but after just a couple minutes you were ready to leave and go back to Grandma and Grandpa's house to find your trick or treat partner, Clara. When we got back to the apartment, Clara was there in her Belle costume and we all headed out to collect candy. You guys had so much fun ringing doorbells and getting treats to put in your trick or treating bag. At one point, after you rang a bell, a dog started barking in the apartment inside and you and Clara simultaneously backed up several steps. But no one got bitten or hurt at all and a great time was had by all. After an hour or so of candy collecting, it was time to go to Blue Ribbon for Steven's birthday celebration. Ginny came along and gave you a gigantic box of candy from Dylan's Candy Bar. Just what you needed! More candy! You were a happy little girl. At Blue Ribbon you were very friendly to lots of strangers and we had so much fun. But I think the best part of all (or second best after CANDY!) was walking home from the restaurant. It was late -- way past your bedtime -- but you were wide awake and wanted me to tell you what every person's costume was. And we were downtown so some of them were pretty outrageous. This was not your average family Halloween celebration. But it was really splendid and you talked about it for days afterwards. Amazingly, you never asked for your candy after Halloween night so I got to eat lots of it and then just got rid of it. I guess collecting it really is better than eating it.

The only downside to the holiday was that Daddy was 6762 (thank you, Internet) miles away in Japan. While he was gone, we did plenty of skyping so he even had virtual dinner with us a few times with you hugging the computer screen and talking to him excitedly. While he was gone we went to open play at NY Kids Club where you told the coach, "Excuse me! Excuse me! Excuse me! My daddy's in heaven!" She looked at me stunned, unsure how to respond. I just said, "I think you mean Japan, Stella." I guess you were getting Jesus' daddy confused with your own which, come to think of it, your daddy does too sometimes. Maybe it is genetic. In case you are wondering about the extent of your religious education heretofore, you are familiar with Jesus's Daddy because your passion for "Godspell" has not abated even though the production was tragically cancelled.

Grandma and Grandpa have introduced you to dozens of movie musicals and one of our favorite games is to sing a few lines from a song and have you identify what movie it is from. We usually get about three words deep before you shout "Carousel!" "Oklahoma!" "LIttle Shop of Horrors!", "Singin' in the Rain!", "Annie Get Your Gun!", "Sound of Music!", "Cats!", "Shrek!", "South Pacific!", "Hair!", and so on and so on and so on.

We also had a great Thanksgiving celebration this year. You love spending time with family and couldn't wait to get to Beth and Dov's house -- especially once you learned that we were taking a train so you wouldn't have to go in the car seat. You really love the country and were so happy to be outside with Clara and Owen running around playing football. You were a little disappointed not to be able to go swimming, however.

You've fully adjusted to school and seem to even look forward to going sometimes. As long as we find Tina before we leave you are okay. I'm really proud of you and feel so privileged to be your mommy. You were great company when Daddy was away and I'm just so happy to know you.

I love you lots.
Love,
Mommy

Conversation

2008-11-22T07:39:00.002-05:00

Mom and daughter are sitting on the couch watching "A Chorus Line" at 7:40am. They have been up playing for about a half an hour. It is a Saturday. Mom has completely forgotten to even ask daughter if she wants breakfast.

"Mommy, can I have something to eat?"

"Of course."

"Ohmygosh! I didn't even have my gummy bears." (note: the gummy bears are vitamins which are typically procured FIRST THING upon waking.)

"Oh no. I'm a bad mommy."

"No you're not. You're a great mommy. Just get my gummy bears."

After a beat. Mommy is thinking about what to make for breakfast.

"What do you want to eat?"

"Gummy bears!"

Parent-Teacher Conference

2008-11-20T10:22:00.004-05:00

Last week Daddy and I had the first of what will be a long string of parent-teacher conferences. Even though you seem to really love school now, you were pretty excited to have the day off and you did not want me to leave. I explained that I had to go to your school to talk to your teachers about how you are doing. You replied, "No, Mommy. Don't go. I know how I'm doing. I'm doing great."

I was a little bit nervous sitting on the yellow bench waiting for a conference to begin. I'm not sure what I was worried about since I was pretty sure that the teachers like you and that you are doing really well. But I was nervous nevertheless. However, once the conference began, it could not have been better. Jennifer, Andrea and Cela raved about you. Each one had a specific story to tell about an area in which you are excelling. They told us you are all over the room -- doing art, the manipulatives, helping other children, etc. That you are nice to the other kids and so incredibly independent and capable.

There was a time in the beginning of the school year where I thought your "real" personality might never emerge at school, that you might be more timid and shy in the Sun Room than you are with me and Daddy. But that is clearly not the case and we are really glad that your teachers are getting to know the sparkly, enthusiastic, funny, talkative little girl who lives with us. It seems they see all the greatness in you that we see and that we are not delusional when we look at each other and remark, "we got the best one."

We Went Voting

2008-11-05T16:06:00.007-05:00

Dear Stella,

Today is a truly historic day. Last night Barack Obama was elected President of the United States thanks, in part, to our vote. And while things are a mess in the world right now, I am hopeful at last that we may be able to leave you a better world than the one into which you were born. I've been really worried about that and it has been so frustrating to have a political leader with whom I did not agree on anything. At last we have an intelligent and inspiring President, a true leader, something that I have not known in my lifetime. I am proud that so many Americans worked hard to get him elected and that our country was able to move beyond race and rally around a worthy candidate. It is a great day and it was wonderful to share it with you. Daddy is in Tokyo right now but he has been very much with us in spirit.

After school, you and I walked through the park -- it was a fittingly beautiful day -- to PS 166. We were apparently among the few Americans who did not have to wait on line to cast our vote though I was prepared to wait as long as necessary and to keep you awake no matter how long it took. When we got inside you told me, "Oh I do remember it here" I guess from the primary in which we also voted for Obama together (although that one was a bit of a hard choice). We found our voting booth and went in.

I love the oldie-timey voting machines we use in NYC and I know it is only a matter of time before it all goes digital. You pulled the lever for me and we marked X's straight down the Democrat row, most importantly for Obama-Biden.

My eyes filled with tears but you did not notice. I was so happy and excited and maybe a little bit nervous. I had a pretty good feeling that we were going to be victorious but there was still a wee bit of apprehension. Mostly, though, it was the first time in my life that I really felt genuinely proud to be voting and so much a part of the political process.

A few months ago I went to Pennsylvania to canvass for Obama because I was so worried about the outcome of this election. Before now I cannot imagine wanting to do something like that. I think, in part, I was moved to do so because I am so inspired by Obama and have such hope for how he can change and influence the world. But being your mother has also made me care about politics in a much deeper and more profound way than I ever have before. I really worry about the world that we will be leaving behind for you, your children and grandchildren. When you are older and start asking me questions about these things, I want to be able to look in your eyes and tell you that I did everything I could.

Even though you said many times today "Go Barack Obama", you cannot understand now how historic and important this election was and I only hope that history will prove him to be the great leader I think he will be. You had a great time voting (I think the two peppermint candies you were given by workers at the polls helped) and told everyone about it.

"We went voting. Mommy tell (insert name of whomever we are talking to) that we went voting" was a constant refrain all afternoon and evening. I just hope and pray that with Barack Obama's guidance, the world you inherit will be peaceful, stable and prosperous. That it will be everything you deserve it to be.

I love you.
Love, Mommy

Magic Powers

2008-10-22T20:51:00.007-04:00

On Monday we went to Danskin to buy your first ballet slippers. You are not taking a ballet class because Daddy and I thought school was enough for you right now. I think our instincts were pretty spot on with this since you are having such a hard time with separation and have told me that you definitely do not want to do any classes without Mommy. Amazingly, all the classes for your age are drop-off -- no parents allowed! Nevertheless, you decided that you really wanted ballet slippers so we made an excursion to our neighborhood dance store.

You were very excited by the leotards and tutus that hung in racks and lined the walls so we went into the dressing room where you tried on a few. Your first choice was the black but it felt too tight to you (you hate to wear anything that feels at all confining) so we settled on pink. And a pair of ballet tights.

You left the store wearing your new ensemble, accompanied me to Fairway dressed as a ballerina and absolutely refused to wear anything else all day.

In the evening, we decided to cook a small pumpkin and you helped me to separate the seeds so we could roast them. You were very helpful but when we were finished, you noticed to your horror that your pink ballet costume was stained pumpkin orange in a few places. You hate to get dirty. Or wet. Even a drop of water, a teardrop from your eye that falls onto your clothes, is too much for you and will result in your immediately stripping off whatever you are wearing and changing. However, to my shock you did not take off your leotard. You did however start crying hysterically and asking me to clean it. I wiped it a little but it was immediately clear that this would be no easy task accomplished with a dab of water and a towel. This was a job for Oxy-Clean. I told you that I couldn't get the pumpkin off without water and soap. You cried some more. You pleaded with me. Tears were streaming down your face as I realized what you were saying. "Yes you can! Please, Mommy. Use your magic powers."

Good catch

2008-09-29T21:33:00.002-04:00

Yesterday, we bought this amazing ball at West Side Kids (kind of like a big koosh). You and I were playing catch with it at Grandma and Grandpa's house and discovered that you can catch it 9 times out of 10 -- even from 15 feet away. So tonight, knowing he would be very proud, we decided to show Daddy even though it was past your bedtime and we had already said no more playing, only books. You caught a few and missed a few but naturally needed to end on a good one. After a couple misses, Daddy lobbed a perfect throw to you, you caught the ball and shouted at the top of your lungs, "Mazel tov!"

Monsters!

2008-09-08T15:45:00.002-04:00

Hi Dad (pretty sure you are the only reader): A big summer update and birthday update is still coming soon. You will have to scroll down for it when I put it up. I'll let you know. Love, Me

Dear Stella,

While Daddy was in LA working on The House of Blue Leaves, during your middle of the night journey from your bed to ours (bad habit that Mommy and Daddy really enjoy), you started to close both bedroom doors. One morning I asked you why you did this and you told me it was so no monsters could get in. Of course I explained to you how every night before I go to bed I check the whole house for monsters and then make sure all the doors are locked so that you never ever have to worry about monsters being in our house. But you continue to do this anyway and talk with some frequency about monsters and guarding against them. When we were in LA, for example, one night you barricaded our hotel room door with clothes, bags, shoes, etc. ranting about protecting against monsters as you ran around the room securing various objects for defense. (Imagine Dad's suprise when, at 11pm, he returned from the theater and tried to make his way into the room.)

At dinner a few nights ago, I asked you why you were afraid of monsters, what it was you thought they might do to you. You answered that they might take you away from us. And so I explained that you don't need to worry about that, that nothing, no one will take you away from me and Dad until you are ready to be taken away. You immediately responded by telling us that you never ever EVER wanted to be taken away from us, that you would stay with us forever. What can I say? I'm glad that's settled.

Love,
Mom

Teacher Visit

2008-09-04T21:33:00.002-04:00

NOTE: Summer and birthday updates coming soon. Stay tuned. (they will end up backdated before this one)

Dear Stella:

Today was a really exciting day because two of your teachers came over to meet you and us. You could not wait for them to get here and, when they finally did, you were incredibly friendly and cute. You showed them your big girl bed and your art project and Fancy Nancy. They told you about some of the things that are going to be in your classroom and you did an art project – a sun ray collage – that I think is going to end up somewhere in the Sun Room when you get there. You showed them your bicycle and played the piano and sang. Andrea told Daddy that you were one of the most precocious kids she’s even seen. She also asked us if you were born talking. You have gotten so outgoing and friendly recently and you certainly were both with Andrea and Jennifer.

It really brought me back to when Ms. Pearl, my nursery school teacher, came to visit me at home when I was three years old. I have vivid memories of being with her in my childhood room and I wonder whether today will end up imbedded in your brain as well.

Daddy and I were so happy that we liked your teachers so much. We both have a really good feeling about how much you are going to thrive in your first school experience. It is bittersweet, of course, because it is hard to have your little girl grow up and it is hard for me to accept that you are ready to go off and have independent experiences. But I am also really excited for you and I know that a big part of my job as your mommy is to make you self-reliant, self-confident and independent and that is bigger than my desire to have you stay forever my little girl. You’ll always be my little girl anyway.

Love,
Mommy

Cream Cheese

2008-08-13T21:03:00.003-04:00

Tonight we were cooking dinner waiting for Dad to come home.
You were very helpful measuring and mixing things in the Cuisinart
for the meatballs we were making. You seemed very happy to be
assisting me but you were also a little hungry. I told you that, while
we were waiting, you could have a piece of the walnut raisin bread that
I brought home from Georgia's Bakery. Without missing a beat
you asked, "Do you have a nice cream cheese to put on it?"

Bye bye Tella

2008-06-05T21:43:00.000-04:00

Before you could speak, Daddy and I used to talk about how you would one day call yourself "Tella". We knew that the s sound was a tricky one and it was likely that it would take awhile for you to say it. And, indeed, so it came to pass. For as long as you've been answering the question, "What's your name?" and talking about yourself in the third person, you have been "Tella". Well, the other night, you were sitting on the edge of your rocking chair, falling backwards into pillows that I set up (one of your current favorite daredevil stunts which you call "Fall Over" as in "Can we do fall over tonight?") when I reminded you of Grandpa’s only rule. I said “No hurting –“ and you said “Stella.” Not Tella but Stella, clear as could be. You knew you did it too and were so excited. Even though it was bedtime, we called Grandma and Grandpa so you could say it for them too. Could it be that the days of the itsy bitsy pider and eating soup with a poon and climbing up tairs are over. I’m sad. And happy.

To Stella, Two and 3/4

2008-05-29T23:05:00.002-04:00

Dear Stella, 2 and ¾,

Hi. It’s me. Slacker Mom. Not doing very well keeping up with this blog these days and the reason is the same. There is just too much to write – you are changing so much every month, that I feel overwhelmed whenever I try to sit down and write this letter.

You are more like a little companion than ever and I am so enjoying our days together. In the morning you will frequently ask me, “Where we going today?” and at night when I say “Now go to sleep because we have a big day tomorrow” you will always ask what we are going to do. Then first thing when you wake up you say “Let’s go to New York Kids Club” or “Let’s go to Grandma and Grandpa’s house” or “Let’s go to Poppyseed!” or whatever it is that I told you we have planned. Your enthusiasm for all your activities is infectious and it is such a pleasure taking you places. Everything is an adventure that you delight in.

While you have unbelievable enthusiasm for all things, nothing tops your enthusiasm for food, particularly what you call treats and which you ask for frequently. I do feel responsible for giving you the sweet tooth gene (it didn’t come from your father though we are slowly but surely converting him as well). In spite of your passion for food with little to no nutritional value, you do proudly show your muscles and attribut them to the fact that you eat your vegetables and that you eat your cupcakes after dinner. When you want an after dinner treat, you like to know all the options that we have so I will tell that you can choose, for example, a cookie, a fruit leather, or a lollipop. You will think hard and then declare, “It’s a hard choice.” You love leather and lara bars as much as you love chocolate. I’m happy that you are such a great, adventurous eater. Even if I tell you that something is very spicy and I don’t think you will like it, you most often will say, “Let me just try it” and sometimes you even like the spicy things.

About a month ago, we entered a very interesting phase known globally as the Toddler Climbing Out of Her Crib phase. It was quite a surprise the first time I was sitting in the living room and next thing I knew you were standing by the door of your room timidlly calling, “mama.” It has only happened a handful of times and even though we know how adept you are at climbing, it is still pretty shocking to see you so independent in that way. You also sometimes nap in our bed and will get up yourself and come find us rather than calling. It is so adorable to see your sleepy little face coming around the corner looking for a grownup.

Uncle Steven has affectionately called you a “ragamuffin” and, for a long time, it was a perfectly apt noun for you. While all the other little girls at Poppyseed wore barrettes or braids and were perfectly coiffed, whenever I picked up a hairbrush you would run to the other side of the room. Nary a hair accessory had seen your hair for months. And then one day recently, you woke up and asked me to make braids “like Dorothy” and an entirely new Stella was born. It is so strange when one phase ends and another begins. I become so aware of how time is passing and, even though it’s true that this Mommy thing does get better and better, it is so hard not to feel nostalgic for yesterday’s version of you.

Grandma Phyllis and Grandpa Joel came to visit us and you had such a wonderful time with them. You were so excited to show them all your toys and your art project! Oh your art project. Forgive me, I digress but digress I must. After months of taping all your beautiful art projects up on your door and on the refrigerator and stacking the extra ones in various places, I had an idea to hang clothesline in your room and put your work up clothespins. I told Daddy the idea and he loved it. Loved it so much that he immediately went and got all the necessary supplies and one night when I was in tech, you guys put up every single piece of art you had done. Daddy didn’t just hang one clothesline as I had imagined but, rather, three. You guys covered your entire wall with all your beautiful paintings, drawings, collages, etc. Daddy told me you ran around the house collecting everything, making sure that they were all hanging up. You love it so much and are really proud to show it to anyone who comes over. And so you were very excited for Grandma Phyllis and Grandpa Joel to see it. You were also excited for Grandma to come with us to Poppyseed to meet Lily and all your friends. Shortly after we arrived, you grew sad that Lily (who you adore and monopolize) was playing with Dylan and Kendall. You lay on the ground face down, your head buried into the floor. After a few moments, I went over to you to see what was going on. You looked up at me and blood starting gushing out of your nose. We ran into the bathroom, my linen jacket and your new flowered dress from Grandma and Grandpa covered in blood. It was a little traumatic even though you said it didn’t hurt. There was so much blood! I called the doctor and he said that it was nothing to worry about if it weren’t a recurring incident. I guess you just broke a blood vessel in your nose but, did I mention there was SO MUCH BLOOD! Since then, I have told and re-told that story to you thousands of times and whenever you see the flowered dress (which I miraculously and successfully laundered – along with my linen jacket), you remember that that was the bloody nose dress.

You are an incredibly curious little girl and ask frequent questions, as you should. Sometimes you ask things to which I don’t know the answer. However, whenever I tell you I don’t know, you will say “Just make up a story”. And then I damn well better make up a good one or you will demand that I make up another. This has been very good for the creativity in our family since Daddy and I make up stories in answer to your queries all day long.

One night at our weekly Sunday dinner at Grandma and Grandpa’s house, Uncle Steven started playing a game with you, teaching you how to rhyme. He would say, “Stella can you think of a word that rhymes with tune” and then hold up a big giant hint, a certain piece of silverwear. After noticing the hint, you would should “spoon!” After doing this multiple times, you really got the hang of it and since then love to come up with rhyming words. You will say “Light, night, rhyming words!” And sometimes “pick up, look up, rihyming words!” You do delight in language and have made some good connections like “Daddy Warbucks and Daddy David”.

In addition to potty training which truly was the world’s greatest birthday present, you were a wonderful birthday companion. We had such a great time in Central Park, visiting Daddy at the Delacorte and walking barefoot in the grass. Later we met Daddy at Isabella’s for dinner and then went to Magnolia for cupcakes.

My original birthday plan had been to go out with Danny but that was aborted when you decided to potty train. Because I wanted to be sure we sealed the deal and kicked those padded poop catchers to the curb, I didn't want to risk a sleep-over at Grandma and Grandma's in the midst of such a momentous occasion. Great friend that he is, Danny volunteered to just come hang out with us instead.

We left Magnolia to met up with Danny, you with your cupcake in hand. You were running down the street emanating pure joy when you must have squeezed your cupcake causing the top to fall off and land on the sidewalk. This was a particular tragedy because you really only eat the icing – I’m not even sure you know the cake part is edible. And so you were instantly horrified and started crying hysterically. I had the rest of our cupcakes in a box but you really wanted that one, the one you dropped. I vaguely contemplated picking it up when a woman came along and stepped on it and then angrily stomped up the street her shoes covered in icing. Then I realized we were only a block or two away from Crumbs. When I told you we could go get a cupcake with M&M’s on it, you immediately stopped crying and that is what we did.

It was just a beautiful, wonderful day. Thanks.

One day recently we were talking about what we were going to do that day. You said, as you often do, that you wanted to see your beloved cousin. However, you didn't say "Cyara" as you have for as long as you've been saying her name. You said "Clara" clear as a bell. You knew immediately from the look on my face that I noticed your perfect pronounciation and you said it over and over again demonstrating how your tongue was making the L sound in your mouth. We called up Grandma and Grandpa so you could say it to them too. They were equally impressed. This kind of thing happens all the time now. By which I mean a moment in which I am simultaneously so proud of you for a new accomplishment and so desperate to stop time and keep you exactly as you already are.

It is too bad I don't really love you that much.

Love,
Mommy

Best Birthday Present Ever!

2008-05-28T07:29:00.003-04:00

For the past several months, you have showed zero interest in going near the toilet or ever even sitting on your potty. While many of your friends were happily shedding their diapers, you were vehemently demanding yours whenever I suggested you could just run around the house naked. While you demonstrated all the signs of readiness (according to the internet) you were completely uninterested, even anti-toilet. Although you decorated your pink potty with stickers, you wouldn’t dare sit on it ever ever ever. I tried a variety of bribery tactics to no avail. We talked about having a big party when we got to the end of the diaper road (A party! With cupcakes!) and any present you wanted. Still nothing. Gail, the head of Poppyseed told me that we should just drop it, tell you that when you are ready and you can just let us know. Weeks passed. Nothing.

Then on May 24, I opened the closet and discovered that we were all out of diapers. This was not a ploy. Just an observation. Immediately, you replied “That’s okay. I’ll wear underwear” “Who are you and what did you do with my daughter?”, I thought. That day we went to Central Park and when you told me you had to pee, we found a private spot on the grass. At my birthday dinner, you peed on me twice in the restaurant . As any good mother would, I just sat there and pretended nothing was happening. The next day, you had one accident at Grandma and Grandpa’s house. Clara noticed water on the floor and told Grandma someone spilled. You looked at the puddle and said quizzically “What happened?” Grandma and I both said we didn’t know, someone must have spilled something and we quickly cleaned it up. And that was that. No more accidents. You have gone in lots of different bathrooms. You always tell when you have a peepee. You are very excited when it comes quickly. We are really proud of you. And you are really proud of yourself!

You did have a few interesting observations as we crossed this massive bridge:

“I’m not sure which I like better, underwear or diapers. I think diapers but underwear is more comfortable.”

“I don’t really like underwear. They’re drippy.”

You are right on both accounts.

Potty Mouth

2008-03-01T21:29:00.000-05:00

This morning at breakfast I asked Daddy if it was warm out. You chimed in, "It's fucking crazy outside!" which would have been funny except that you are fucking two and a half. I blame Daddy.