Dear Vivian, five months old

It is official. You are the smiliest and also the noisiest baby who ever lived. When you are happy (like when you see someone you recognize and like) you break out into the widest, toothless grin, kick your legs and wave your arms. Your whole body seems to be vibrating with joy, joy that invariably spreads to the recipient of your happiness. You LOVE attention so much so that sometimes you will start to cry when I get up and walk away even if it is just for a minute. The other day, I played a mean Mommy game where I had you lying on a blanket in the living room and I was standing by the kitchen door. I went into the kitchen for a second, you started to cry, I came out, you stopped, I went in, you started, I came out, you stopped. Each change occurred instantly -- it was pretty amazing and very sweet. I won't do that anymore. When you are lying in bed and start to fuss, if I come in to pat you and replace the pacifier, you will hold onto my hand or arm like you don't want me to leave. I think it is a little soon for separation anxiety but maybe not? We are experts in that emotion in our family (see Mommy; see Stella; see Grandma Helaine).
Speaking of the pacifier, this week you finally took to it. I'm not even sure what made me give it another try but I did and you started sucking away. Prior to last Tuesday, you would push a pacifier out of your mouth with your tongue and the most disgusted "ew that tastes horrible" look on your face. Now you wake up during the night so that I can replace it after it's fallen out. Great. But I'm actually a believer in the pacifier because I think, in general, it helps you soothe yourself to sleep at night and can be very comforting. Probably not coincidentally, you are much happier to take a bottle these days. For awhile, you would take a bottle but just drink the absolute minimum you needed to stay alive until I got home. You never got frantic -- even if you only had about one ounce in a six hour span. You would just calmly wait until my breasts got home and then happily eat. You love to hold things in your hands now and you are getting to be quite an expert at rolling over. In general, if we put you down on your back and leave to room, we will most often return to you lying on your stomach unable to flip back over. Your back and neck are getting much stronger now too.


You have the greatest smile and the sweetest disposition. You are an excellent communicator. When you are hungry, you let us know with a very specific wail. And when you are tired you go "Ahhhhhhhhh ahhhhhhhhhhh ahhhhhhhhhhh" really loud right up until you fall asleep. It is, therefore, difficult to take you to the movies but easy to know what you need from us.

I have to say that everything is really bittersweet -- especially the second time around. I remember when Stella was a baby and I would feel a little bit sad and nostalgic with a new development I would comfort myself by saying that I would have another chance to witness and go through this stage with my next baby. I always knew you were coming. Now I think that I probably will not have another shot and I am also acutely aware of how fleeting each moment, each stage is because Stella has grown up so quickly. I know that you are right behind. And so it hurts how much I miss the seven pound you and the eight and the nine and the ten and the eleven and and and.... But at the same time, I am so excited to see the next thing and to be beside you as you discover the world and have new experiences. Your sparkly blue eyes already seem full of wonder and delight and you don't even know what ice cream or pink flowers are yet.

I love you so much, Sweet Vivian.

Love,
Mommy