To Stella, sixteen months old

Dear Tic Tac,

I thought I would begin by reviewing some of the nicknames that you have acquired by me and Daddy in the sixteen months since you have been with us. Tic Tac is a new one as of this morning. We were all lying in bed (two of us attempting to get a few extra minutes of sleep) when you suddenly pointed to a photograph on the bureau and exclaimed "Dada. Mama." We asked you who else was in the picture and you confidently proclaimed "Tic Tac". Somehow it seemed like a fitting moniker and thus, a nickname was born. We'll see if it sticks. Just for the record, some of our other favorites (you'll have to ask Daddy to exlplain their origins to you at a later date): Belzy, Bernice, Bernie Telser, Senor Belzer and Bear.

While my worst Mommy moment occured this month, it has also been a month of parenting bliss. You blow my mind everyday with the rate at which you are learning new words and concepts and by how your little personality is emerging. I like you. But before we get to all that and to all the fun things we did together I have to write about the scary events of last Friday.

I gave Ranny the day off so you and I could be alone together. We had planned to see your new friend Simon (or "Timon" as you like to call him) and his mommy, to maybe go to the Museum of Natural History where I know you are going to enjoy seeing the Butterfly exhibit and running around the whale carcuses and all that. We were all ready to go when I took you into the kitchen to pack your snacks. You continue to be really resistant to my putting you down on the ground and so I've taken to depositing you on the counter from time to time as you will sit there very happily. I never stray far, of course, and you have always been perfectly safe (except that one time but never mind about that). On Friday, we were re-enacting this familiar scene: you sitting on the counter and me standing beside you going through the diaper bag making sure I had all the essentials. When suddenly, without warning, you were lying on the tile floor on top of a broken carafe of hot coffee screaming your little heart out. I grabbed you up and ran into the bathroom where I put you, complete with your clothes and shoes, into the bathtub and ran the water. I took your shirt off and put cool water over your back. I was uncharacteristically cool and level-headed, I think actually in a state of shock. After a few minutes I picked you up and held you, you calmed down, and I canceled our plans with Simon and Veronica. I then noticed that your arm was blistering. I thought that you had burned your back on the floor but, in fact, I think what happened is that you reached out and burned your arm on the coffee pot and then threw it to the ground and fell of the counter nto the broken glass and coffee. It sounds complicated but I swear it all happened in less than one second. I called the doctor and Grandma (who fortunately had a long break in the middle of the day and was able to come over) and started shaking and crying. I guess the adrenaline wore off. I just held you and apologized over and over but I don't think you were really mad at me. It was really helpful to have Grandma come over. Just like you, I needed my mommy to take care of me because I was sad.

Daddy and I learned from the doctor what to put on your arm and you were a really good patient and it is all healing very nicely. But it was really difficult and scary and I felt so horrible about my careless stupidity. You were also still sick with a cough and a runny nose and were just feeling lousy and I couldn't really tell what was burn pain and what was general cold stuff. We had a hard couple days leading up to Christmas. Over the weekend you wanted to be held a lot and I happily indulged you. You ended up developing a slight fever (we almost didn't go to Grandma and Grandpa's on Christmas Eve) and spent hours resting in my arms with your head on my shoulder. I felt so sad that you didn't feel well but it was also nice to get to hold you so much and to know that I was a good comfort.











This month was also filled with good times. You had a lot of fun in the beginning of December when we went up to Massachusettes to see Daddy's family. Naturally, you loved lighting the menorah once we got to "Haka" which is what you call the Festival of Lights. It's been really cool having a tree in our living room and you were particularly excited by the strings of Christmas lights which you helped Daddy put on the tree. Um, is "help" the right word, Dad?






















Even though you were a little bit sick, you were very excited to open some presents at Grandma and Grandpa's. You loved your little rocket car thing right up until the moment when Clara got her big girl bicycle which I think you liked a little bit more.

In the past month or so you have developed a downright obsession with the book Caps for Sale. Daddy and I love how much you love books. Reading is by far your favorite activity. But seriously I was starting to go mad reading "Caps" (as you call it) twelve, sixteen, eighteen times a day. So I decided for Christmas I would get me - I mean you - a few new books to see if we could find another one that would work its way into your heart. I selected The Very Hungry Caterpiller (because you love Eric Carle's book about the rubber ducks), Olivia and Llama Llama Red Pajama. I am proud and pleased to announce that you no longer ask us to read "Caps" very often. "Capila" is the new favorite. I love reading this to you because it is an interactive experience. I will say "On Monday he ate one---" and you will call out "Apple". On Tuesday he ate two -- "Pears".

Another thing you have started doing this month is pushing your little step stool around the house so you can reach things (or come closer to it anyway). We will all be playing in the living room and suddenly you will say "ladder. ladder. ladder" which means you need your step. Then you will run into your room for it and return pushing it around as though it were on wheels. While this enables you to reach some things that you might be better off remaining four inches away from, it is very resourceful so we've got to hand it to you.

You continue to talk frequently about "Pa Paul" and "fire" and I suspect that part of the way Grandpa Paul has worked his way so deeply into your heart is by teaching you how to make a fire, blow out a match, etc. This is not my first choice playtime activity for you but there is no denying that you love doing it. Within three minutes of walking into Grandma and Grandpa's house, you will be bringing Grandpa a log and dragging him over to the fireplace. You know what you want.














You have been waking up at 5am the past few days so Daddy and I have been bringing you into bed with us hoping against hope that we can eke out a little extra shuteye. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. The other day I was lying next to you with my eyes closed trying to make you think I was asleep as though it might give you the idea to try it as well. After a couple minutes I opened my eyes to see what you were up to. There you were lying still staring back at me. As soon as my eyes opened you flashed a giant smile and shouted "hi". It was impossible not to laugh and almost made me want to get up in the dark of dawn and start playing.

Love,
Mama