To Stella, 4 3/4
As you get ever closer to five years old, you are more and more of a delight. Watching you discover how things work in the world and how you feel about things is truly a privilege and Daddy and I are having such a good time with you.
You are an unbelievable older sister, madly in love with Vivian and so sweet with her most of the time. Occasionally you will do something a little mean -- like take away a toy of yours that she is holding -- and when I call your attention to it, you ask, "Am I a good big sister?" You get really upset if I say "Most of the time" and I've tried to explain to you that just because you say something is true, doesn't make it true. But what is true is that you are a great big sister almost all the time and Vivian always seems so happy to see you and to be with you.
You are also the world's greatest Mommy Defender. Woe to anyone who tries to mess with me. One morning at breakfast you and Daddy were talking about something that he could do instead of me and you replied to him, "Mommy can do it. She has arms." I wish I could remember exactly what it was you were talking about because it was really funny. It was something small and easy. Like getting the maple syrup from the kitchen. Or making a ponytail. Something that Daddy was offering to do instead of me. I'm sure he was just trying to be helpful but you wanted to be sure that everyone knew that I was completely capable.
As I have probably mentioned here, you have been quite obsessed with "Into the Woods" for some time now. Daddy finally put it on your ipod so that you can just listen to the music, rather than having to always watch the movie if you want to hear it. Now when it is time to get dressed for school, we put it on and you get dressed rather speedily all the while singing the opening songs of Act One. The other day when I came into your room, you were standing on your bed frame (mattress has been moved into our room as we try to get Vivian sleeping better) and you had your little black and white stuffed dog up there on "stage" with you. I asked you if that was your dog and you replied, "No, it's the wolf." You were doing Little Red Riding Hood's song and you needed a wolf, of course.
Speaking of dogs, your little plastic dog on a leash -- a toy you have not looked at in about two years -- has recently become a favorite again. You must have sensed that I was about to pull it out for Vivian. You have even been taking him outside with you from time to time. You still love to play pretend. The ONLY pretend game I really don't like to play is where I am your dog and you pull me around on a leash and I go and smell different things and try to walk in the wrong direction and pee. Fortunately for both of us, your father is more willing than I am to play this. But we all love to play other pretend games where you are Molly and I am Lucy and Dad is John and we meet in the park with our kids.
You are a ridiculous super star on the monkey bars and a generally outstanding athlete. You've been really loving both soccer and Chelsea Piers gymnastics and it is so incredible to watch you master physical skills. You take such risks with yourself and have been able to get really focused on achieving new physical skills. You can do the monkey bars up and back multiple times, skip a bar and do the same thing, stop half way and do a flip and then continue. It is really amazing. Your Silver Room teachers call you a "bar star". Speaking of the Silver Room, it is so much fun to pick you up from school because, whenever you see me, you jump up and down - literally - and say "mama" and are just so happy to see me there. It makes me feel really good. Which is actually something you have a real knack for. You say very sweet, kind things all of the time and I know you like to make people happy which is a really lovely quality to have. Also speaking of the Silver Room, you are very adamant that Daddy and I not pack more than three things in your lunch. I finally figured out that this is because you like to save your favorite thing for last and you sometimes do not have enough time to eat it. So three things it is. Also while we are on the topic of the Silver Room, I should mention that you got in trouble at school for what I think is the first time. In fact, all the chinchilla girls were reprimanded by Beryl after you guys went to movement and were apparently really bad, doing your own thing, not listening to David or Marilyn. When you got back, Beryl brought you all into the kitchen and reprimanded you. It made quite an impact. You do love Beryl so much and she has been a wonderful influence on you this year. It has been incredible to see you blossom, to find your love of art projects, to be so excited to go to school and so interested in what you are learning and doing there.
In the morning when you get up, either Daddy or I is usually already up with Vivian who is a very early riser. You like to sneak out of your room (sorry but this is very hard to do since you have a very squeaky door) and slither across the floor surreptitiously making your way to the bathroom. Then you come back out and sneak around hiding and spying on us playing with Vivian. You try to get V's attention (sometimes even whispering "Vivian!" as though she could hear you and we can't -- which is what we pretend is happening) and when you do she invariably starts smiling and sometimes laughing as you wave to her. Then I will say, "Vivian, what are you smiling about? Why are you so happy? What are you looking at?" until eventually you go, "Boo!" and I pretend to be very very scared and surprised that you have been out there all that time and that you were what was making Vivian so happy.
You have been really enjoying watching videos of yourself and also really curious for me and Dad to tell you bad stories about when we were little. Our nightime ritual which used to involve books and then a few songs from me and one final, long-ish, made up song from Dad now includes a story from each of us about something bad that happened when we were kids. Having had relatively happy childhoods, we are both starting to really have to search for tales that meet your criteria.
The other day, we were walking down the street holding hands and I was struck by the fact that your hands didn't feel little and tiny, they are big kid hands not baby hands. Being a mom is so bittersweet. While I am truly excited to see the woman you will grow in to and to be your mom through all your growing up years, I do already miss the little girl you are right this minute. I am trying so hard to be present, to enjoy having you just as you are and to appreciate every second. I love living with a 4 year old and I know that I will only be doing it for another short while. Thanks for making it so much fun!
I love you.
Love,
Mommy
You are an unbelievable older sister, madly in love with Vivian and so sweet with her most of the time. Occasionally you will do something a little mean -- like take away a toy of yours that she is holding -- and when I call your attention to it, you ask, "Am I a good big sister?" You get really upset if I say "Most of the time" and I've tried to explain to you that just because you say something is true, doesn't make it true. But what is true is that you are a great big sister almost all the time and Vivian always seems so happy to see you and to be with you.
You are also the world's greatest Mommy Defender. Woe to anyone who tries to mess with me. One morning at breakfast you and Daddy were talking about something that he could do instead of me and you replied to him, "Mommy can do it. She has arms." I wish I could remember exactly what it was you were talking about because it was really funny. It was something small and easy. Like getting the maple syrup from the kitchen. Or making a ponytail. Something that Daddy was offering to do instead of me. I'm sure he was just trying to be helpful but you wanted to be sure that everyone knew that I was completely capable.
As I have probably mentioned here, you have been quite obsessed with "Into the Woods" for some time now. Daddy finally put it on your ipod so that you can just listen to the music, rather than having to always watch the movie if you want to hear it. Now when it is time to get dressed for school, we put it on and you get dressed rather speedily all the while singing the opening songs of Act One. The other day when I came into your room, you were standing on your bed frame (mattress has been moved into our room as we try to get Vivian sleeping better) and you had your little black and white stuffed dog up there on "stage" with you. I asked you if that was your dog and you replied, "No, it's the wolf." You were doing Little Red Riding Hood's song and you needed a wolf, of course.
Speaking of dogs, your little plastic dog on a leash -- a toy you have not looked at in about two years -- has recently become a favorite again. You must have sensed that I was about to pull it out for Vivian. You have even been taking him outside with you from time to time. You still love to play pretend. The ONLY pretend game I really don't like to play is where I am your dog and you pull me around on a leash and I go and smell different things and try to walk in the wrong direction and pee. Fortunately for both of us, your father is more willing than I am to play this. But we all love to play other pretend games where you are Molly and I am Lucy and Dad is John and we meet in the park with our kids.
You are a ridiculous super star on the monkey bars and a generally outstanding athlete. You've been really loving both soccer and Chelsea Piers gymnastics and it is so incredible to watch you master physical skills. You take such risks with yourself and have been able to get really focused on achieving new physical skills. You can do the monkey bars up and back multiple times, skip a bar and do the same thing, stop half way and do a flip and then continue. It is really amazing. Your Silver Room teachers call you a "bar star". Speaking of the Silver Room, it is so much fun to pick you up from school because, whenever you see me, you jump up and down - literally - and say "mama" and are just so happy to see me there. It makes me feel really good. Which is actually something you have a real knack for. You say very sweet, kind things all of the time and I know you like to make people happy which is a really lovely quality to have. Also speaking of the Silver Room, you are very adamant that Daddy and I not pack more than three things in your lunch. I finally figured out that this is because you like to save your favorite thing for last and you sometimes do not have enough time to eat it. So three things it is. Also while we are on the topic of the Silver Room, I should mention that you got in trouble at school for what I think is the first time. In fact, all the chinchilla girls were reprimanded by Beryl after you guys went to movement and were apparently really bad, doing your own thing, not listening to David or Marilyn. When you got back, Beryl brought you all into the kitchen and reprimanded you. It made quite an impact. You do love Beryl so much and she has been a wonderful influence on you this year. It has been incredible to see you blossom, to find your love of art projects, to be so excited to go to school and so interested in what you are learning and doing there.
In the morning when you get up, either Daddy or I is usually already up with Vivian who is a very early riser. You like to sneak out of your room (sorry but this is very hard to do since you have a very squeaky door) and slither across the floor surreptitiously making your way to the bathroom. Then you come back out and sneak around hiding and spying on us playing with Vivian. You try to get V's attention (sometimes even whispering "Vivian!" as though she could hear you and we can't -- which is what we pretend is happening) and when you do she invariably starts smiling and sometimes laughing as you wave to her. Then I will say, "Vivian, what are you smiling about? Why are you so happy? What are you looking at?" until eventually you go, "Boo!" and I pretend to be very very scared and surprised that you have been out there all that time and that you were what was making Vivian so happy.
You have been really enjoying watching videos of yourself and also really curious for me and Dad to tell you bad stories about when we were little. Our nightime ritual which used to involve books and then a few songs from me and one final, long-ish, made up song from Dad now includes a story from each of us about something bad that happened when we were kids. Having had relatively happy childhoods, we are both starting to really have to search for tales that meet your criteria.
The other day, we were walking down the street holding hands and I was struck by the fact that your hands didn't feel little and tiny, they are big kid hands not baby hands. Being a mom is so bittersweet. While I am truly excited to see the woman you will grow in to and to be your mom through all your growing up years, I do already miss the little girl you are right this minute. I am trying so hard to be present, to enjoy having you just as you are and to appreciate every second. I love living with a 4 year old and I know that I will only be doing it for another short while. Thanks for making it so much fun!
I love you.
Love,
Mommy
posted by Carolyn at 5/18/2010 06:57:00 AM
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