To Vivian, ten months old

I have been thinking a lot about you on this, your ten month birthday. You continue to be such a wonderful, happy presence in our lives and I'm just so thankful to have you and to know you. In so many ways, these past ten months have been the best in my life. You have added so much to our family and have helped me to grow in so many ways, it is pretty amazing. I can think back to about a year ago when we were very excited about the coming addition but also really worried that a new baby might screw up what was already a pretty great thing. I had no way of knowing how wonderful it would be for Stella to have a sister and Daddy and I never in a million years imagined we would get such a delightful, easy, playful, fun baby. Also having a second child -- and especially you as a second child -- has made me realize how truly capable I am at being a mother and how much I love my family. Both our family and my life feel so much more complete with you in them. Daddy and I have discussed how we both feel like we are back in a honeymoon phase -- just so in love with each other and with our family and so excited about our lives. These are great gifts that you have given us and we are very grateful.

This month we were in Williamstown where I was directing a play, my first real directing job since you were born. I was so worried about going back to work, worried about how you and Stella would do in Williamstown and whether I would be able to concentrate at work. It ended up being a huge challenge for me but really great for all of us. We lived in a house with stairs and you became very proficient at crawling up them.

Everyday Ranny would bring you to my rehearsal during my lunch break so I could feed you. When you saw me walking towards you on the grass, you would break out in the biggest smile and almost hyperventilate. It is the best feeling ever to have someone so excited to see you. A bad morning of rehearsal would be instantly erased by how happy I was to see you too.

While you hung around the theater, lots of people paid a lot of attention to you which made you very happy. You wave to everyone now to say both hi and bye and your crooked wave has been universally ordained "Cutest Baby Gesture Ever". My lead actress, Katharine, had her five month old son in tow and, after I fed you on my break, you would usually crawl over to them for a little visit. Sam seemed as interested in you as you were in him. You are a truly social baby who loves to be around other people -- especially other babies and who gets so very happy when people pay attention to you and play with you. It is so easy to make you smile your super adorable two-toothed smile. It is also pretty easy to make you laugh and your giggle is currently my favorite sound. Stella loves to make you laugh too although sometimes it doesn't work as well and then she gets so upset that you laugh at me but not at her. Babies just love their mommies best but your big sister doesn't accept that. But the truth is, you absolutely adore Stella and the feeling is utterly mutual. Sometimes when she walks by you, she just puts her hand on your head and says "love" as she passes. She especially loves to pick you up and carry you around. She is very adept at it and really looks like a little mommy when she hoists you on her hip. But Daddy and I have been on her case about letting you crawl around and explore the world and not just picking you up and moving you around according to her whims. We are really conscious of this and are trying to allow you to maintain some freedom while also reaping the many rewards of having a big sister who just wants to play with you all the time.

In addition to waving, you now clap your hands. A few days ago I said, "Vivian, can you clap?" and you did. Then I said, "Vivian can you wave?" and you did. I was amazed that you understood me although I don't know why. Of course you can understand me. You have only performed this trick twice though. Since then, most of the time I ask you to wave or clap you just look at me and smile. (Daddy did tell me today that he took you into the bathroom with him and when he flushed the toilet you waved goodbye.) You are also babbling like crazy and it is sounding more and more like speech. And you finally say "Mama" loud and clear.

You cruise all over the place now. It is amazing how quickly you have gone from barely crawling to scurrying all over the place. You are starting to have pretty good balance and I think it won't be long before you are walking. You will pull up on anything and have even been known to use other babies as leverage when trying to push yourself to standing. You are under, over and through anything in your path and you are an extremely curious little explorer.


You are also eating up a storm. You still aren't crazy about mushy foods but you love to eat fruits and vegetables like brocolli and asparagus and plums. You especially enjoy feeding yourself and you really let it be known that you want to eat whenever you are around someone who is eating.

We went to our first wedding accompanied by our children and had a fantastic time. It was very hot so the ceremony part was a little challenging for you and we went and sat in the shade with the other moms and babies. But you seemed to have a really good time at the party. You got loads of attention from all of our friends and allowed lots of people to hold you. You are really surprisingly easygoing about that sort of thing and you generally make everyone feel that you like them.

Thank you so much for being so easygoing about my being back at work. I know that you missed me a lot -- and the feeling was totally mutual. I kept reminding myself that I would really be able to make it up to you in August when we wouldn't be apart at all because it was hard having to leave you so I could go to rehearsal everyday. My work is important to me and I do want you and Stella to see your mommy at work doing something she loves so I'm happy that I am able to do that but I miss you a lot when we are apart. You did start to cry often when I would have to leave you which made my heart break even though I know you were fine once I left. It is amazing how you can be playing totally happily with someone but as soon as you see me, you start to whimper and whine until I scoop you up into my arms.

I'm happy to hold you for as long as you want. I truly cherish these days having you as my little baby. I know how much I'll miss holding you when you are no longer small and I'm just loving every single second of having you. I don't even mind waking up in the middle of the night. I know it is just for a short time and I'm always happy to see your smiling face and to cuddle with you.

I love you so much, Vivi.

Love,
Mama