To Vivian, One

Dear Vivian,

It is just incredible to me that you have already been with us for a whole year. On the other hand, it is so hard to remember what our family was like without you. I look at you sometimes and I can still remember the teeny tiny little baby inside of me. When you get the hiccups I remember what it felt like to feel you having the hiccups in my stomach. Sometimes I just watch you move your arms around and it looks the way it felt when you were moving inside me. It is hard to explain but the most wonderful thing in the world to know that the amazing baby I am looking at was formed and grew inside of me.

We have such a strong and special connection. You get so excited when I come home after we have been apart for awhile. Sometimes it almost seems like you are going to hyperventilate you are so happy. You love for me to hold you and you really protest when I put you down. You cry when I leave, or when you are leaving me to go the park (or anywhere else). Even if I am just going to the other room, you will let me know that you don't like it one bit! Although it breaks a part of my heart, it also makes me happy that you love me so much and want to be with me above anyone else. I feel exactly the same way! Although truth be told, there have been a few times when Daddy has handed you to me saying, "Here. Take this" and you have been miserable about the exchange. So I think you like him a lot too. And last week when we went apple picking, Stella really wanted to hold you as we walked down the hill with our apples. We felt like it was a little dangerous when the hill got steep and so we took Stella aware from you and you really protested so much that we had to give you back to Stella. Never was there a happier five year old. You really made her day!

The past two months have been particularly monumental. We had an amazing time in August in East Hampton and you especially seemed to really love living with Grandma Helaine, Grandpa Paul, Clara, Steven and Sonya. You slept in the walk-in closet in my and Daddy's room and I think the fact that it was so so dark really helped you to sleep well. You bonded a lot with Grandma and Grandpa who were happy to get to know you so well. You were basically a celebrity in East Hampton, the way everyone treated you. The conversation between Clara and Stella at breakfast often revolved around who would get to sit next to you at dinner. The big girls were almost always very nice to you and played with you and you were always so happy to be included. You loved the pool and would definitely let us know when you wanted to go in the water. We bought you a wooden baby stroller, push cart thing that has really helped your walking. You can take about three steps on your own now but you can push that cart much further than that!

You are getting to be a pretty good climber. In fact, the other day I tried really hard to put you down for a nap and it just wasn't working. Eventually I decided to just leave you in your crib for a few minutes to see what would happen. Well, what happened was that you somehow climbed out of your crib. I discovered this when I heard a loud thud and opened your bedroom door to find you flat on your back crying really hard. I have no idea how you managed to get out of your crib but this was a hard-won reminder that it was time we move your crib mattress to its lowest position. I'm really sorry that that happened to you by the way.

You are an unbelievable communicator. When you want something, you really let us know. If we are feeding you broccoli, but you want the cherry tomato across the table, you will point and talk, "ooooo ooooo oooooo" until we figure out what it is you want. You have very strong and specific desires and are always very determined to get what it is you want. You love holding a toothbrush in each hand and sometimes when I was giving you a bath in the sink in East Hampton, you would not let up pointing and grunting until I gave them to you. I think Grandma and Grandpa probably had a couple nights where they had to brush their teeth with their fingers.

Some of your favorite tricks are kissing (I will say, "Vivian, can I have a kiss" and you pucker up your lips or lean forward so that I can kiss your head. So sweet), waving (still so amazing and adorable. I never get tired of this!), and clapping. Also, whenever we put on music, we can definitely count on you to dance.

Sometimes when you are breastfeeding I remember back to the early days when we were having some trouble and I just marvel at how far you have come. Now you breastfeed like a pro! Remember when I was so worried because it didn't seem like breastfeeding was soothing to you? Remember when that little clicking sound used to drive me crazy because I knew it meant something was wrong? Remember when we had your frenulum cut and you refused to breastfeed for awhile? Remember how you wouldn't take a bottle? Remember all those different pacifier brands I bought in the hopes that one of them would appeal to you -- all to no avail?

You continue to be very friendly, waving to everyone you see. You make a particular point at vehemently waving at anyone who isn't paying attention to you and you will just keep at it until they notice and acknowledge you. You laugh easily and often. You make Stella feel really good when you crawl through the apartment looking for her or when she leaves the room and you cry out "Ella!!!" You are the happiest little baby. Everyone comments on how happy you are. It is so very easy to make you laugh which is quite gratifying. Basically if anyone plays with you at all and makes even a vaguely funny face, you burst out in peals of laughter. My favorite sound.

You are as attached to your monkey as ever. You get so happy to see him when it is time to go to sleep, it is very cute. You also like to spread the monkey love so you will sometimes put the monkey's head up to my lips or my face so I can give or get a kiss. I am really glad that I get to share your monkey but even more glad that I get to share your life.

In honor of your birthday today, you came with me to pick up Stella and we went out to lunch with Monica and Jasper. You like pizza. I think it is a safe guess that your sister did not try pizza when she was just one. In fact, you have tried many many foods that she couldn't even dream about at your age, such is the lot of the younger sister. If Stella is eating a lollipop or an ice pop, you will not stop going "ooooooo!!!!! ooooooooo!!!!" until you get a taste. After lunch, we went to a shoe store and a kids clothing store and then went to Grandpa's office. My plan was to take you to the zoo because you love animals so much, I thought it would be really fun. It was, however, extremely hot this afternoon and Stella felt like it was way too hot. I think it was okay with you because you seemed to have a great time at the office and you got to see Grandpa and Daddy who came to the office right before we left. You were so happy to see him get off the elevator. Then we walked to Central Park and you fell asleep on the way. You woke up after we got there and we went to a playground with a huge slide that Stella went down a zillion times while I pushed you on the swing, a favorite activity for you. Eventually it was time to go and I was pretty worried about our getting a taxi before Stella had a hunger meltdown. Your birthday definitely brought us luck because we got one fairly quickly on 68th and 5th at 6pm. Not an easy feat. Tomorrow we are having your party, a brunch at Back Forty. We are all very excited about it.

Happy Birthday, my dear sweet Vivian. I had no idea how great it would be to have another little girl but I could not wish for anything better than you in my life. I have loved being your mommy this year and I am so excited to get to continue watching you grow up every day.

I love you.
Love,
Mama