Almost a Pre-Schooler

Dear Vivian: I can't believe that you will be starting school this week. On the one hand, it is so clear that you are ready and I know how great the Y is and how much you are going to love it. On the other hand you are my baby and sometimes you still seem so small to me and I can't believe that I am going to have to share you with anyone. I will really miss our unstructured mornings, cuddling in bed or just hanging out and you asking me, "Where am I going today?" (which used to be, "Where I going today?") or "Are you staying with me the whole time?" and then your big bright smile when I tell you that we are going to be spending time together. You are so verbal and have the best expressions and I just love our conversations and playing pretend and knowing where you learned most of what you know. School changes a lot of things. There will be many outside influences and your teachers will, no doubt, become very important to you. The past few days, I just keep feeling like everything we do is the last time we are doing this before you are a Sun Roomer. And we just finished the last weekend before school starts. It was a bit bittersweet though, like all things with you, mostly sweet. Last week, two of your teachers came over for a home visit. You were your very best self -- outgoing and enthusiastic and so adorable. You really had a great time working on your sun ray and showing them your room. But you are definitely feeling ambivalent about school because you know that I am not going to be there. I really didn't think you would have a hard time with separation. You've been pretty independent for so long. And I actually still think it isn't going to be too bad. But you have definitely told me that you don't want to go. Then in another moment you will proudly tell someone else that you are going to go to school. In fact, for quite awhile you have been happy to tell people that you are going to the "92nd Street Y" or "The Sun Room" but now that you are understanding more about what that means, I think you are not so sure about it. However, I am pretty confident that once you see your classroom and all the babies and art supplies and great toys to play with, you are going to be very enthusiastic. I am very excited for this next phase of your life and both Daddy and I are happy to be back at the Y, a school we love a lot. I am one of the class moms for your class and I'm looking forward to that. But mostly I think that your teachers and the other kids in your class are so so lucky that they are going to get to see you every day and I am going to miss you every second that you are gone. I love you. xx