To Stella, eighteen months old

Dear Stella,

While you have learned many new, wonderful things in the past month -- so many it is mindblowingly awe-inspiring -- I would be remiss if I didn't report that among them is an uncanny ability to whine. Sometimes when you open your mouth, sounds come out in a register not fit for human consumption. Ouch. My ears hurt just thinking about it. Daddy and I are trying not to respond to you when you use this tactic hoping that you will quickly discover that it is not very effective.

This will also go down in history as the month that you learned to be proprietary. You have begun to identify everything in the world as "Stella's". Well, that's not true. Occasionally you throw me a few scraps. I'm allowed a small cup of blueberries as long as you have a big bowl of them yourself. And sometimes when you are playing with a puzzle, I can hold one of the pieces for a few seconds before you snatch it back and let me know who it belongs to. For months, I have been so proud on playdates to announce "it's okay, Stella doesn't mind sharing" whenever another toddler would rip some toy out of your hand. It never fazed you even the tiniest little bit. I thought, erroneously apparently, that you were an advanced sharer. What I have come to discover is that, duh, you just hadn't reached the "mine" phase. But now the "mine" phase has a big banner over it that says WELCOME STELLA.

Your vocabulary has exploded this month. I can't believe how many words you know and I am surprised all the time with the things that you come up with. You are also like a little tape recorder, repeating after your father and I and putting the fear of god in our hearts. We better watch what we say. It wasn't as cute as I thought it would be to hear you say "shit".

You are completely obsessed with these two lion fountains in our neighborhood. They are turned off for the winter and the other day you told me that they are "broken". I didn't know you knew that word and at first I had no idea what you were saying. When I realized, I was just amazed. But that sort of things happens all the time now. Daddy has made up a story about the lion fountains and you love him to tell it to you again and again. The best part is when he says "do you know what the lions look like?" and you show him.

The second best part is when he says that the fountains are turned off for the winter because if they turned them on, you know what would happen? and you shout out "ice!".

You got really sick this month with a stomach flu that has been going around. It was sad to see you feeling so lousy but truthfully kind of nice as well since all you wanted was to be held. I was so relieved that you got sick before I went back to work because it would have been impossible to leave you. It is hard enough to get out the door when you are happily playing with your toys and completely uninterested my departure. Even though you don't seem particularly fazed by it,
going back to work this month was really hard. (It has been five months since I was in rehearsal and even though I love my work, the freedom and the time with you has been amazing.) You are more fun than ever and are learning so much every day that the thought of missing anything is torturous. I love my work and I mostly think I am doing the right thing for us and for our family but I do miss you desperately all day long.

Daddy and I are still alternating mornings with you so that one of us gets up at 6 and one of us gets a few extra hours of sleep. The other morning when I went to get you, I was particularly struck by how conversational you are. We talked for awhile with you still in your crib then I asked if you wanted to get out and you quickly stood up. I bundled you into my arms and you directed me "out" and made chomping sounds with your mouth which is the way you let us know that you are hungry. It is hilarious and adorable and I've been trying for days to get you doing it on video but as soon as the camera comes out, you refuse to do it. The other day I tried to delay breakfast for awhile thinking eventually you would get hungry enough that you would perform on cue. I cracked before you did. (I couldn't handle the guilt brought on by not feeding you when I knew you were hungry.) You often tell us what you would like to eat -- eggs, oatmeal, muffins, yogurt. I love that you are able to tell us what you want. Sometimes you will seem to be quite engrossed in a particular activity say, reading a book. Suddenly you will stand up and shout "crayons" and immediately go rummaging around for your art supplies. It is as though you were just struck with a new idea and must immediately go and fulfill it.

One day about a week ago you were on your changing table and you suddenly looked at me with your beautiful, sparkly grey-green eyes and said "huck. huck". You then leaned over and threw your arms around my neck. For the first time I understood that bumper sticker that says "Hugs are better than drugs". I had always assumed that whoever wrote that just didn't know where to get the good stuff but now I know it has nothing to do with that. I'll take a hug from you over absolutely anything. Thanks.
Love,
Mama

First Haircut

After weeks of futile attempts to make Stella's hair look neat and countless apologies to her for having to endure constant wisps of hair in her face, we finally succumbed to our little girl's desperate need for a haircut. For some reason David and I had in our minds that we wouldn't cut her hair until she was two. I think we arrived at that conclusion because of some obscure Jewish law that says don't cut your baby boy's hair for the first few years. I actually don't think that law even exists but maybe I read about it in Us Magazine when they were speculating as to why Kate Hudson had not cut little Ryder's hair yet. I hate that my brain gets crowded with such useless information. I only allow myself ot read crap like that at the gym where there are usually dozens of People Magazines and Us Magazines and In Touch, Hello and the like lying around. But then I read them and feel like there is less room in my head for things that really matter and feel embarrassed to know who Justin Timberlake is dating that week. Occasionally, I come home and declare "Oh, I am so concerned about Jen's Secret Heartache! What oh what is she going to do?!?!?" Uh oh... I digress.













Finally acknowledging that the two year rule was ridiculous if not downright cruel, I ventured out with my family this Sunday to Doodle Doo's, a children's beauty salon in the West Village. Embarrassingly, we are just that ridiculous that we succumbed to the marketing gimmick of having Stella sit in an old fashioned car and watch an Elmo video (not that she will sit still in front of the TV at home or anywhere else for more than 27 seconds) while I blew bubbles at her and she played with a myriad of toys, anything to distract her from the fact that someone was not only touching her hair but actually cutting some of it off. It actually ended up being a very pleasant experience for all of us, there were no tears, I was a little sad about the end of the era in which the hair on Stella's head was hair that grew while she was in utero. Happily, Nicky, the hairdresser understood that we just wanted to clean it up but not make it short and god forbid! no bangs! All in all, it was a successful outing even though it did set us back $37. Someone robbed me of my sanity while in the shop and I actually purchased a $7 barrette and yup, the haircut was thirty smackaroos. If daughter is anything like mother, it is only the beginning of a lifetime of pedicures, highlights, facials and ridiculous overpriced beauty treatments of all kinds.