Vail with Stella

Dear Stella,

I’m sitting on a plane with you right now traveling from Vail to NYC. We have just had our first mother-daughter vacation, something I have thought about often. Imagining Canyon Ranch or maybe a trip to Italy. Instead, a ski trip to Vail fell into our laps courtesy of some friends who had a condo with an extra bedroom over this long weekend. My hope, of course, was that Daddy would be able to come too. Early on, it became clear that it would probably be best (though not easy) to leave Vivian at home since she is too young to ski and would likely have a little trouble with the time difference. And anyway, Grandma and Grandpa wanted her desperately since time alone with Vivian isn’t easy for them to come by. As it happened though, Daddy had a meeting that could not be re-scheduled but he really encouraged me to take you myself as it was too great an opportunity to pass up. And as it turns out, that was definitely the right decision. I’m happy that Daddy made me brave and encouraged me to do it.

First of all, your skiing got good enough that we could ski green trails together pretty safely and easily. The first day you went to ski school for the whole day and were promoted from Level 2 to Level 3. However, you were slightly tramautized, feeling that ski school was just too long (9:30-3:15). So we agreed that the next day that you would do ski school in the morning and I would pick you up at lunch time. At the end of the third day of ski school, your instructor told me that you were by far the best in your group and would definitely be a 3+ next time.

INTERRUPTION: The battery on your DVD player just went out and you asked me if I wanted to play Hangman so I am going to finish this letter at home later. Playing Hangman with you is fun!

LETTER CONTINUED A MONTH LATER: So the second two days, you went to ski school until lunch time and then I came to pick you up, we skied to a lunch place, had lunch together and then skied together all afternoon. Both days we were basically the last people on the mountain. It was so much fun to ski with you even if your version of skiing (with me) was to basically point your skis down the mountain and go. At ski school you practiced turning and you can totally do it, but somehow on your own, it was more fun to get speed.

You had a really great time with Luke, the son of my friends who was also in the Red Room with you. You guys had never really been friends in the Red Room but you had so much fun together in Vail. First thing in the morning, you would ask if you could go see if they (Luke and his brother) were awake. You watched movies together and ran through the halls of the hotel having a great time. I'm not sure what it was that you were doing, but you guys would often ask us if you could go down the hall and we decided that you could go just as far as the footbridge. One time, though, when you came back, Luke confessed that you had gone past the bridge. You convinced me that it was all Luke's idea and you didn't want to, blah blah blah. But another time, you guys disappeared for about twenty minutes and we were all in kind of a panic. Luke's dad called security and Isabel and I ran down the hall looking for you guys. She eventually found you playing soccer with some other kids you had met. So it was all pretty understandable and innocent but really scary nevertheless. Other than that, we had an amazing time. I loved traveling with you. Having so much one on one time with you was really special and I will always treasure the memory of our first trip together. I hope it is the first of many.

I love you.
Love, Mom

To Vivian, 2.5

There are just too many adorable stories happening now and I'm terrified if I don't write them down, they will disappear from memory as has no doubt happened to countless events already. It is really crazy. Things happen on a daily basis that a part of me thinks I will never forget -- how could I? -- but then that very same day, I can't remember what they were. It kills me because I never ever ever want to forget how much I love having a little partner around, living with a two year old you, and being the mom of two girls, 6 1/2 and almost 2 1/2. It is the greatest.

This weekend you had a sleepover at Grandma Helaine's and Grandpa Paul's. I am working on a show right now so we are spending less time together than usual and it is a little hard on you. Mostly you seem to be doing just fine but you do cry a lot when I have to go to work and you are sometimes a little clingier to me than you would normally be. Grandma told me that you started to cry when she was putting you to bed and you were asking for Mommy. She told you that she was a mommy, and in fact, that she was my mommy. You replied, "I want the Mommy named Carolyn."
You also know that when my job is over, we are going tobe going to the beach. The other morning as I was getting ready for work, you told me, "I want to go to the beach!" which I knew was your way of saying you wanted my job to be over. But when you are playing pretend now, you often play that you have to leave your babies and, when I ask where you are going, you reply, " work" and when I ask where you work, you answer, "Regrets". I do somehow feel that this means it is a little okay with you that I am working and that you sort of get it.
The other day, you and Stella were kind of arguing about something. I can't remember what it was but then you were about to do something that Stella did not want you to do. She looked at you and said, "Vivian, don't even think about it." You looked back with your mean face and said, "I'm thinking about it". It's good you are getting tough. You really do have a great mean face when you get mad.

When I ask you a hard question like, "Why do you cry when Ranny leaves" you answer, "Because you're stubborn" which you heard on a Sesame Street video. It is adorable the way you say it and sometimes Stella and I try hard to ask you a question that will illicit that answer.

You still love french fries. Grandma Helaine and I took you to lunch recently and we ordered a beet salad and asked that it come first -- before the french fries which we also got for you -- because once french fries are around, you will not consume anything else. Grandma put about five pieces of beets on your plate and said that when you ate them, then the french fries would come. You did eat them and then she put more on your plate. You rightfully protested as that was not part of the deal. And we asked the waiter to bring you your fries. Boy how you love a potato cooked in oil.

You also love gymnastics and are really good at it. You are especially good at hanging from the bar and swinging but you do a mean somersault as well. Gymnastics is pretty much the only one of your activities where you are happy to be the demonstrator. If Robert pulls you aside to show everyone what we are doing, you generally go pretty happily. However, if your swimming teacher so much as touches you, you cry hysterically. In one gymnastics class, however, they took out the rope swing and you were very reluctant to do it. You asked me, "Am I gonna get hurt?" I assured you that you wouldn't but you still did not want to go. Stella has been going with us to Chelsea Piers but even seeing her do the rope swing did not sway you. You did, however, jump with her from the trampoline into the pit and had a lot of fun. Your most favorite thing to do, though, is to jump in the big ball pit and hide underneath a bunch of balls and have me look for you and then cry when I can't find you. You always emerge from the balls with a huge smile on your face. Similarly, at swimming, you love to hide in the lockers. For a long time you were the perfect height but now you have to be careful of bumping your head. You just won't stop growing.

There is a boy in your AMNH class who sometimes hits other kids. One week a daddy really yelled at him and then he got removed from an area where you were all sitting pretending to be in a nest of some kind. You love to talk about him and what happened and that he is not nice.
You, however are really nice and loving and super affectionate, making it really fun to be your mom. Thanks. I love you. Love, Mommy

To Vivian, 2.4

My favorite thing to do now is to just sit and have a conversation with you. That is pretty crazy for "two and a quarter" as you like to tell people you are now. In fact, today at the grocery store a woman asked you if you were two and you answered, "no. I two and a quarter." You have so many interesting and adorable things to say and it is just so much fun to talk to you.

Sometimes (like this morning since Daddy was out of town) when you wake up, I bring you into bed and we cuddle and talk. It isn't really fair when I do this when Daddy is around (since he gets to sleep late-ish every other day) but since he wasn't there this morning, no problem. You were very cuddly and affectionate (as you always are) and you sang songs and told me stories. Your favorite songs these days are made up songs based on books we read and the movie Matilda. So, for example, when I put you to bed at night, you don't want to hear "You Can't Ride in My Red Wagon" or "You Are My Sunshine." You want "Olivia and the Missing Toy" "Olivia Saves the Circus" and "Matilda". This is quite a labor intensive activity as I have to make up the song and the tune but it is fun to do. And this morning it was super fun to listen to you sing Matilda. That movie has also taught you the expression "little twit" and you sometimes will come up to me or Dad or Stella and say something like "what are you doing you little twit" which we probably shouldn't encourage but which really makes us laugh.

It is now a week since I wrote all that and I am continuing this letter to you finally. I feel like I am not doing a great job keeping up this blog which weighs on me because I can't stand the thought that I am not going to remember every single detail of amazing you. But I know how it is. The things that seem so vivid and memorable somehow disappear from the mind. But each day with you I think to myself, "Oh please burn this into my brain forever so I can remember how happy I am right at this moment and how off the charts adorable and amazing Vivian is." Seriously. Best Two Year Old EVER.

So here are some things that I might forget if I don't write them down:
You hate to say goodbye. Not just to me which would be understandable, of course. But pretty much to everyone. Like last month at the circus, when the little girl who was in the show and then did the trapeze at the end waved goodbye (along with all the clowns), you buried your head in my shoulder and cried your eyes out. But you cry when it is time to say goodbye to Grandma and Grandpa. And you also cry when Ranny leaves sometimes. The other night you were really sad after she left and I took you on my lap at the dinner table and was explaining to you how Ranny comes when Mommy and Daddy have to go to work and then when Mommy and Daddy are home, Ranny leaves. You looked up at me with sad eyes and said, "That makes sense."

We play a really fun game these days where I say, "I love ----" and then say something like "Broccoli" and then you will say, "I love Cauliflower". And then as I change categories, you change along with me. I was very impressed with your ability to do this as I said, "I love coffee" and you said, "I love hot chocolate."

You LOVE school and are especially fond of your teacher Natalie who you talk about all the time. But there are days when we are doing something else and you just really want to go to school and when I tell you that we don't have school until Tuesday you get really upset.

You also love to watch movies -- your absolute favorite at the moment is Matilda. You call the mean principal "Ms. Trumpler" instead of Ms. Trunchbull and you especially like to watch the parts where Matilda's dad gets his hat stuck on his head and where "Ms. Trumpler" makes the boy eat a whole chocolate cake. You also love to watch Cats at Grandma and Grandpa's house -- you told me you love the lipstick and the costumes. You have a little teeny tiny lisp (which used to be a big lisp) so it is pretty cute when you say the word "costumes". The other day I was sitting on the couch and you brought me my watch saying, "Here's your lock". I said, "My what?" and you replied, "Your thingie." I guess you knew that you got your words mixed up.

The other day you were singing a song that Stella learned at school and taught you when you got a little mixed up and said, "I don't know the wordses."

When going to sleep, you asks to "Tuck you all in" which means to tightly wrap blankets around you, basically swaddling you. It reminds me of how much you loved to be swaddled for such a long time when you were small. Speaking of when you were small, you do love to tell stories about "When I was a little girl." Often you co-opt stories that actually happened to Stella (like when the dog ate her pizza) or you just make things up. You also insist that all pictures of Stella as a baby (and the one picture we have of me as a baby being held by Grandma Helaine) are actually pictures of you. In addition to "tuck me all in" you also request that we "don't leave the door shut. Leave the door wide open" every single night. And then sometimes you continue to call to me in the living room, "Don't leave the door shut, leave the door wide open" even though the door is already wide open. And the latest is that you ask that I "check on you" after I put Stella to sleep. You still leave off first consonants often so, for example, "Check on me" comes out like "yeck on me."

You worry into the future a bit so, for example, as soon as I start reading "Little Pea" you will ask, "After Little Pea, can we read 'Olivia and the Missing Toy'? Or after we put on "Elmo's Got the Nose" (as you call Elmo's Got the Moves), you will ask, "After Elmo's Got the Nose" can we watch the Letter Carrier?" These days we mostly watch You Tube videos of Sesame Street although few movies do get thrown in there from time to time. The other night, you watched "Treck" for the first time (Shrek) and you loved it. You like to talk about how Shrek is an ogre.

You still make sure to hug/kiss Daddy and Stella before they leave in the morning and before you go to bed at night. You are so loving to everyone and just kind and sweet. You cry a lot whenever I have to leave and it makes it really hard for me to go. I hate to see you sad and the truth is, there is basically nothing I would rather do than just hang out with you. The other day, I explained that I was going to have to go to work in an hour and we were playing then I went into the other room to get something. After a few minutes you called me and I went to see what was up. I found you in your room and you looked a little sad. I asked you what was going on and you answered, 'I just remembered you were leaving." I scooped you up in my arms and gave you zillions of kisses. Sometimes I think it must get a little annoying being kissed so much all the time. But I can't help myself. You are so soft, cuddly and kissable. I never imagined I could have a second daughter and love her this much. But you've expanded my heart a thousandfold and, as you would say, "I love you up to the sky."

Love,
Mama