To Stella, three and a half:

The past two months have been filled with fun adventures and you growing up more and more every day.

Way back on a Saturday around New Years, we were sitting in the apartment wondering what to do that day when Daddy said, “Let’s go to the circus”. That’s one of those things that is really great about living in New York City. You can wake up with no plans and in fifteen minutes be sitting in the first row at the Big Apple Circus as we soon were.















Little did we know, when we purchased our first row seats, how much audience participation there was going to be because before long, Mommy was plucked out of her chair and made to dance with a man pretending to be a wind up toy. Apparently you were very worried that I was going to join the circus forever -- so nervous, in fact, that Daddy spent all his time consoling you and wasn’t able to get a picture of my circus debut. However, at intermission when we asked you what your favorite part of the circus was, it was mommy dancing which is interesting since you can see that at home pretty much anytime you want. Maybe we should ask for our money back.

There was quite a bit of snow recently which made for some good times stomping around in your boots and new snowsuit. You were expecially happy to learn that you could make smoke when you blew out in the cold and you didn't even need a cigarette to do it!


































We're hoping that there may still be some good sledding this winter.

For five weeks I had a job at Julliard which meant that I worked from around 6:30-10:30pm Monday-Friday. This was a little hard on you as I am generally the one who reads you books before bed. Daddy made a big effort to get home from work early and you and he really bonded during the time I was gone. You did start acting out a little bit at times and we knew that you weren’t so happy with my working (it was easy to know this since you pretty much told us) but overall, it went okay and your relationship with Daddy has gotten very strong and beautiful. You guys invented a game called Alligator in which you have to climb from one piece of furniture in the living room to another without ever touching the carpet; if you touch the carpet, an alligator eats you! You love love love to play this. I’m not sure it is great parenting to teach your kid to climb on furniture but it sure is fun. You love to play a kind of follow the leader in which one of us has to do everything that you do. But I guess you and Dad must have been doing this one night and you got frustrated with it so he decided to give you a “safe word” so we’d know when to stop. Now whenever you want to play you will say “You do what I do. And when I say banana you go and when I say banana you stop. Banana!”

Dad told me that every night before you fell asleep you would remind him to make sure that I came in as soon as I got home to sing “Bog Down in the Valley-O”, “Twelve Days of Christmas” and “I’m Gonna Sit at the Welcome Table”.

You have become quite fascinated with “bad words” but never say them out loud. Instead you say just about every thing you can think of that rhymes with a bad word. For instance, you will walk around the house saying “Buckin’ suckin’ luckin’ muckin,’” etc. You will also get your imaginary friend in deep trouble by telling me and Dad, “Billy Baba said “xxx” and “xxx” in school near his teachers.” Those “xxx” stand for “shit” and “fuckin’ crazy” but you don’t say those words out loud, you just mouth them. And then you make us yell at Billy Baba.

Lately Billy has been wreaking all sorts of havoc around the house. You will say, “Mom, Billy Baba just spilled the water and knocked over the chair” and then want us to really yell at him and say that we are going to throw him out the window or lock him in the closet. Sometimes you want us to be really mean to you too – to yell at you for imagined infractions and threaten to do things like shut you in your room with the lights out (which for the record, Department of Child Services, we would never ever do). You will say “Pretend to be so mad” and if we don’t yell enough you will say “Be even madder.” Then we have to come up with really horrible tortures that we will inflict on you. (Oh no. I know you are going to read this one day and be all “I can’t believe you guys yelled at me so much when I was only 3 ½. No wonder I have ______ “(fill in the blank: anger issues, sadomasochistic tendencies, a fear of confrontation). Often when Daddy and I do this, you love whatever I say but then whatever Daddy says you respond, “That’s too mean, right?” and look at me to agree with you. You do this even if it is not so mean. I think it is a little game – telling Daddy he is doing something wrong. It is kind of like in St. Thomas when we found the little spot of chocolate on the quilt and you decided “Daddy doodied the bed.” It is just fun to gang up on Daddy.












But you and Daddy truly are best buddies. You have given him the nickname of “Buckin’” (hmmm…wonder where that came from) and he calls you “Magoogoo.” This has been going on for weeks and I was only just christened “Ben Hen” the other day. But mostly this is your little ritual with him and you love it. Sometimes you call him “Buckin’ Stoop” which I think translates in your little mind to “fuckin’ stupid” but which you would never ever say. And it isn’t that you think Daddy is that but just that it is two words you know you aren’t supposed to say and so you kind of feel like you are getting away with something and that no one else is in on your joke.

You have become completely obsessed with the ballet Coppelia and love watching the dvd of it that Grandma and Grandpa bought you. At the beginning of the dvd, the conductor comes out and you invariably say, “That conductor looks like Uncle Steven” which, I guess, he does only because they sort of have similar hair. You will also read aloud with the opening section which summarizes the story. You have it completely memorized (as you do many many books) and you will either “read” it yourself or ask me to. This has also translated into a semi-obsession with being first for everything so that you can be Swanilda. In the opening credits to the ballet, the dancer playing Swanilda is first, Franz is second and Dr. Coppelius is third. So pretty much anything you, me and Daddy do together, we have to go in order so that you are Swanilda, I am Franz and Dad is Dr. C. And if I do something like accidently press for the elevator and you say you want to do it and I say, “Okay, we’ll let this elevator go and then you can press for it and we’ll take the next one,” that will not be good enough because it will make you Franz and me Swanilda. Though it makes Dad and me a bit sad that you are so sad, it is also pretty funny when you cry hysterically and scream“I want to be Swaaaaaanilda!”

You’ve caused a bit of trouble in the past month or so with not being the most gracious playdate hostess. We had a couple occasions where you would not let your friends play with certain toys or go into your room even. We established a rule ages ago that you can put any toys you don’t want to share in my and Daddy’s room. But you started being mean to some people who came over and not letting them play with things you had not put away. Ranny did not seem to do a great job at mending the situation and so I started making sure I would be home whenever you had friends over. Things got much better but you have also become very opinionated about who you want to have playdates with. It seems a bit early for you to have such strong feelings about this but you do and we are respecting it.

One person who you are always happy to play with is Jasper. I think he will go down in history as your first “boyfriend” given that he recently proposed to you. You let him down gently telling him that you were going to marry Clara and could not marry him but you guys are really great friends anyway and you really take care of each other in the Sun Room.

With everyday, your vocabulary grows and you become even more verbal and animated. You have such a sparkly personality and are so funny and sharp. You sing lots of songs and tell great stories. Daddy and I are definitely not making enough videos to capture you as you are now. So how about you just stay 3 ½ forever?

Actually, I am pretty excited to see who you become and how you grow and change everyday but I am trying to burn into my brain many memories of how you are now. I truly feel like I got the child I always wanted and we are a really great match. I am having such a great time being your mom.

Happy half birthday.
Love,
Mommy

A Few Great Stella Holiday Stories (To Stella 4.4),

One day in early December you came home from school very upset. When I asked you what was wrong you told me that you had to choose a costume at school to make and wear for the Chanukkah party. Then in your most adamantly upset voice you declared, "I don't want to be a dreidel or a latke!" This carried on for some time such that Dad and I spoke to Robert and he asked if you were "costume averse" which you aren't really although you are averse to looking foolish or to having too much attention focused on you. Your teachers stopped calling it a costume and eventually won you over. You ended up being a relatively willing and very adorable dreidel. Your class Chanukkah party was so much fun!

Christmas with a four year old is one of life's true pleasures. Good thing that you are at a Jewish preschool so they are taking care of any religious education you may need. You already know more than either Daddy or me (I can just hear Dad now saying, "Speak for yourself.") Nevertheless, I am a full-on Christmas mom and have pretty successfully converted Dad and shown him the splendor of Santa's holiday. We had a great time this year baking cookies (with Hugo and Jasper),
decorating our tree and talking constantly about what Santa was going to bring you and whether or not you were on the naughty list or the nice list. The night that Dad went to get the tree, you and I stayed home and looked out the window waiting to see him come around the corner with the chosen one. When he finally came into view and you saw the tree he had selected you burst into tears because it wasn't big enough.
We decorated our tree on the last night of Channukah and Grandma and Grandma came over to help us and to celebrate the Jewish portion of the holiday season with us.

On Christmas eve, you left out some cookies, carrots and water for Santa and the reindeer. You were really excited, of course, although a bit apprehensive thinking about a stranger and some animals stomping around your apartment. And you had a lot of questions about how Santa was going to get in and whether he would come to our house first or to the neighbors, etc. But eventually you fell asleep and Daddy and I were able to arrange all your and Vivian's presents under the tree. When you woke up, you came straight into our bedroom and woke me up by asking, "Did Santa do us yet?" I said I didn't know so you and I went together to the living room to find out. When you saw the presents you started jumping up and down saying, "Yay! I was on the nice list!"

Then you and I were sitting on the couch and you looked out the window and told me that you saw Santa in the sky do a quick spin and then fly off. It really made me wonder whether you were somehow in on the conspiracy. Like a part of you knows that there is no real Santa (wait, WHAT?????) although you are happy to pretend. But a few days after Christmas, Grandma Helaine told you that she was talking to Santa about you and you asked her, "Where did you see him? At the North Pole or Macy's?"

Santa brought you lots of great toys but, interestingly, your two favorites were a ballerina pen and a slinky -- both of which I had gotten as Chanukkah presents but never given to you as, during the Festival of Lights, just lighting candles and saying the prayer was fun enough for you. The bigger presents -- a cash register (something you had said you wanted for a long time), a Little Mermaid fountain for the bathtub (which you begged for) were much less exciting to you. In fact, with your larger presents you have steadfastly refused to open the boxes. You like looking at the pictures on the outside but you absolutely refuse to open them or play with them. Well, they are yours so okay.

For the record, I am an equal opportunity holiday mom (even if Christmas is kind of my favorite) and we lit candles every night on Chanukkah too. You made a beautiful menorah in the Silver Room and were very proud of it. Every night we each bet on which candle would burn out first and then Daddy and I prayed that you would win or we could distract you at the last minute if you weren't going to. We know one day we will have to teach you that it is okay to lose but you are clearly not ready for this lesson yet.

You loved it when you and Vivian would wear your matching holiday pajamas. These were a good purchase that have gotten a lot of use! We are so happy that you are so happy to have a little sister.


Thanks for helping make this such a fun holiday! Why don't you just stay four forever?

Love,
Mom