To Vivian 15 months old

 

I am so disappointed that I have not been better these past few months about writing my monthly letter to you. I have to confess that it is MUCH harder to maintian this blog these days. There is just so much less free time when you have two little people to take care of than when there is only one. When you are napping, I am often doing something with Stella. Or am just too tired. Or or or. But no excuse really because I know that I will regret not updating religiously so that I have a clear documentation at just who you were at each stage of your early childhood. So I am going to try very hard in the coming year to do better. In the meantime, this letter will have to be a bit long because I am going to try to capture some of what has transpired in the past three months, a time in which you have changed tremendously and we have enjoyed you even more.

 

This fall was also particularly busy because I was directing a play and so every moment I was not at work was spent with you or Stella. I must say you both did a really good job of making it possible for me to work so thanks for that. Even though I sometimes question whether I want to leave you for even one second, in my heart of hearts I know that I am a better mommy because I also have a life that is separate from you. And I believe/hope that in the future you will appreciate the fact that I do work that is interesting to me and that all of my happiness is not derived from you and your sister.

 

Although I must admit that my deepest happiness does come from our family and it is really hard to leave you when I have to go to rehearsal or a preview. There was that time, though, right before our first preview I think, when you walked around the stage and I felt like you were really blessing our space with your little feet stumbling around. The show was a hit so it worked.

Daddy, Stella and I are so in love with you and so amazed by how much you have changed our family. It is just much more fun in every way since you joined us.

 

I know in moments it is hard for Stella to share but mostly she is the most passionate older sister ever and she is so sweet with you. She loves to sling you on her hip and carry you around like a little mommy and you seem to be very comfortable with it. You both love it when you join me in picking her up from school. You march right into the Red Room and start playing with the kids (who all adore you and are so nice to you) without even turning around to make sure I am there. The Red Room fish (George and Isabel) are your favorite things in the classroom. Indeed, you are a true animal lover. Especially dogs. Our next door neighbors have two and sometimes you stand at our front door and yell "Da-aw. Da-aw" until we open the door and let you go into the hallway where you then stand in front of their door and do the same. If we had to predict your future profession, we would say vet. You go up to all the little four-legged creatures we see on the street. Sometimes if we pass a dog going in the other direction, you will turn around and start following it. They just make you so very happy. Actual dogs, pictures of dogs, books about dogs all illicit an enthusiastic "Da! Da! Da!" from you.

 

You say a lot of words now and one of our favorite things to do is to practice with you repeating after one of us. Now when we ask you, "Vivian, do you want to practice your words" you respond by saying "Mama" which has always been the first on the list. We then go on to "Dada" "bottle" "hello" "up" "dog" "book" "nose" "bump" "booboo" and lots of others. "Hello" and "Balloon" are the cutest. When you say "Hello" you sound like a little French person. There is something about the two syllable word with the L in the middle that makes it sound particularly cute. You have the sweetest little voice imaginable. You call Stella "Lala" and one time we thought you might have said "Hi Lala" when you saw your sister (so this may have been your first sentence although the jury is still out on that one).

Last week we all went to Okemo for a ski weekend. We bought you lots of warm, waterproof clothes for the occasion including these great pink boots that you love so much.

 

You were so proud to walk around in them but they had a bad habit of falling off your feet. One night I was carrying you from the car back to the hotel after dinner and we were going super fast because it was coooooold. All of a sudden you started yelling, "Ma! Boo! Boo! Boo! Mama!" I looked at you and you were pointing behind us. I turned around and saw your boot lying in the snow about 30 feet behind us. Well done. We would have been really sad had that precious shoe been lost. We had a fantastic time at Okemo and you were an amazing traveler. We did put you in the day care one morning for about 2 1/2 hours so Stella could have a ski lesson and Daddy and I could ski too. You were totally happy going there and they told us you only cried a little bit which I think may have been because you got tired.

Daddy and I had our own personal unrelated to skiing victory while we were there because we put you and Stella to sleep in the same room for the first time (at home she had been going to sleep in our room and then we were moving her before we went to bed) and neither of you had a hard time with it. In fact, your sleeping has fallen into shape beautifully and I almost have to laugh to myself when I think about all the trauma around sleep in the past 15 months. Because the truth is that it all worked itself out without any particular intervention on our part. But you are now napping once/day from 11am-1pm and you sleep at night from 7:30pm until about 6:15am. We had a few months of thinking you might be going to one nap because it had gotten so very hard to put you to sleep for the morning nap. However, we were a little premature on that when we started (in October) so we had to go back to two naps for awhile. Now our schedule has been very consistent and it is working great. Note to all new parents: don't sweat it. Your baby will sleep eventually. We do our little routine at night which includes saying goodnight to about ten of the things in your room. As we walk around, I say "Goodnight Piggy Bank" and then you pucker your lips and lean forward to give the piggy bank a kiss. This is repeated "Goodnight Treasure Box. Good night Dog", etc. We end with Goodnight Cow and you pull the string on our flying cow mobile and it's wings move. Then we go Good night Fairy and you hit the hanging fairy that Grandma Phyllis and Grandpa Joel gave you. Then I say Goodnight Mommy and try to get you to give me a kiss which you usually do not do and then Goodnight Light and you turn the light out yourself. I then nurse you for about ten minutes, put you in the crib and you fall asleep on your own. You had your first sleep-over at Grandma and Grandpa's house on December 4 and you slept through the whole night until about 5am when Grandma got up and gave you a bottle and you fell back to sleep in her arms. We did have a few weeks of you waking at 5am and we worked really hard to get you to take that extra hour of sleep by going in your room and telling you it was still night and you had to go back to sleep. And after just a few days, it worked.

Another big sleep break-through was that you had your first sleepover at Grandma and Grandpa's house and now Daddy and I are freeeeeeee!!!!!!! Well, now we can occasionally both sleep a little late at least. It might surprise you to learn that we are willing to leave you with your grandparents when you hear that at a sleepover, Grandma realized her sleep sack for you was too small and so she decided to cut it with you in it. You moved unpredictably as 15 month olds do from time to time. You toe met the scissors Grandma was using and you ended up with a cut on one of your toes. You also learned the word "boo boo" and spent a lot of time showing it to everyone, learning to love bandaids and also kissing your booboo to make it better.

 

You are, in general, a great communicator and even if you don't have the actual words for what you want, you make it very clear to us. For example, when you are hungry, you will point to your mouth, go into the kitchen, stand next to the refrigerator and yell "MamaMamaMama" as loud as you can until someone comes and gives you something. However, no matter how hungry you are, you cannot be coerced into eating something you don't want. You do not like food shoved into your mouth via a spoon that you are not holding. You really never ate baby food or mashed vegetables of any kind and that continues. You, however, love to feed yourself pieces of steamed vegetables, frozen peas, cut up fruits, etc. You also love nuts especially when I chew them first and then feed them to you which sounds very disgusting but makes me feel a little bit like a mommy bird feeding her baby bird. Also your weight is in the 8% so I know it is good for you to eat foods like nuts that have a lot of calories and fat. Speaking of which, at your 15 month old check-up on Tuesday, you weighed 19 pounds 4 oz and were 30 1/2 inches putting you around 60% for height. An advantage of being the second child, I suppose, is that you get a lot more treats than Stella got at your age. I remember vehemently holding out until Stella was almost two to let her try ice cream. And candy, forget it. But you are so curious about anything that Stella is eating especially so you have had your fair share of ice pops, cupcakes, etc. We had many meals at the Brooklyn Diner when we were visiting Dad at Peewee rehearsals. You were a big fan of this restaurant because of the free lollipops.

 

 

You seem to have 100% comprehension and one of our favorite "games" to play with you is to give you some slightly complicated directiions like "Vivian, can you get that red ball and give it to Daddy" and watch you do it. We sometimes try to trick you but you almost always understand perfectly and do whatever is asked. You love to make sounds and have us copy you or vice versa. You laugh often and easily. You love to be thrown on the bed and tickled. You frequently hoist yourself onto one of the chairs at your and Stella's art table (previously Stella's art table, now a shared one) by lying on your stomach and pulling yourself onto the chair. You then work you way onto your butt and then climb up onto the table where you can get at Stella's magic markers. You LOVE scribbling. I am trying to get you equally interested in washable crayons. Even though we have plenty of washable markers, somehow you often get your hands on the permanent ones and now lots of your clothing has scribbles on it. We set you up at the easel with markers or crayons and you have a great time drawing.

 

You often do a hands-free downward dog by planting your head on the ground and looking behind you through your straddled legs. Sometimes you then attempt a forward roll from that position. Sometimes we can get you to laugh really hard by doing a downward dog of our own and looking at you upside down. You love these two music boxes we have on top of the piano and will often ask us (by grunting) to take them down for you and wind them up so they play. If we only bring one down you say "Bo. Bo" which may or may not mean both but which you will not stop doing until we bring the other one down and play them both simultaneously creating a music box cacophony.

You call "Goodnight Moon" "Hot" and point to the fire on each page saying "Hot." "Hot" each time you see it. You do not, however, love "Goodnight Moon". Usually by about the fourth page you close the book and say "No!" You love "Goodnight Gorilla" and enjoy pointing out the balloon (cute word alert) that is on many of the pages. Lately, though, you especially want to read the few books we have about dogs or with pictures of dogs. In fact, tonight when I told you it was time to read books, you looked at me with your beautiful blue eyes and said, "Daw. Daw." and I knew just which books you wanted to read.

Our whole holiday season with you was lots of fun and it seems like you are going to fit right in with this holiday loving family. You were a trooper at the Thanksgiving Day parade and seemed to enjoy the floats and confetti. Afterwards, I ran the whole way to Grand Central Station pushing you in the stroller so you could nap before we got on the train to Beth and Dov's. We had a wonderful time there and you discovered a Disney princess car thing that you fell in love with. Grandma Roz joined us for the first night of Hanukkah and we lit the menorah every night. You loved all the Christmas lights and the little tree we put in the window. Stella really wanted a big tree this year but we thought it would be too risky that you might pull it over or something so we opted for a small one that was really great. We went to see Santa at Macy's which was a little traumatic for you. Sorry.

 

We had a wonderful, fun celebration on Christmas eve with Grandma, Grandpa, Steven, Clara, Sonya, Barry, Ava and Lee. You were really sweet with Lee who entertained you with his ipad for quite awhile. Oh how you love to get your little hands on an iphone, computer, or other similar device. You got some beautiful clothes, a snail pull toy and a push tricycle which Clara and Stella pushed you on for a long time and which you did NOT want to get off of.

Daddy and I got you play-doh, the aforementioned washable crayons, bath crayons and a new toy that was accidentally sent to the office and so you have not yet received it. You were pretty indifferent to your presents this year so Stella opened them for you which you did not seem to mind. You did get pretty excited by Stella's new toy dog that walks.

I know that we are nearing the end of our breastfeeding relationship and I feel a little sad about that. It is such a special time I have with you and I will miss it terribly for the rest of my life. I think that is why I am hanging on to the one or two times a day that we still have that intimacy. I just love being able to hold you so close and play with your hair or rub your cheek or hold your hand or just gaze down at your beautiful face. I feel so lucky to get to be your mom. I also marvel at how far we have come. I was in such pain in the early days of breastfeeding. All those lactation consultants and breastfeeding classes where I went to get advice. The clicking sound you used to make which I knew meant you were breaking your latch but couldn't get to go away. Getting your frenulum clipped and then having you go on a nursing/feeding strike for a night. And now it is all so effortless and wonderful. Remember the cloth diapers? Remember how we used to put a hairdresser on right next to your bouncy chair to get you to sleep when you were a newborn? We just returned the bassinet to Sonya finally. You haven't slept in it since you were about four months old but we still had it in our bedroom. After it was gone, there was this hole in our bedroom and it made me sad for a minute to truly acknowledge that that bassinet was gone from our lives forever. I do get a bit sad with each new development of yours. But I am working hard to stay present, to live in and enjoy each moment with you and it is really working. You are a fun, sweet, gentle, funny, adorable and deeply gratifying little girl and I am simply so happy -to be your mommy.

I love you lots.

Love,
Mama

 

To Stella, 5.4

 

Read Vivian's note for apologies and excuses about my not having written your update since the summer. Ugh.
There is no way I can do a comprehensive re-cap because things happen with you on a daily basis that I literally cannot remember the very night they happened. You say amazing things all the time and I think "Oh I have to write this in the blog" and then, for the life of me, I cannot remember them just a few hours later. So as I resolved for Vivian, I am going to try really hard in the coming year to just write little things more so that you will one day know (and Daddy and I will remember) all these incredible things that you have done and said in your sixth year of life.

The thought of going all the way back to September to re-cap the past few months is way too daunting. I can hardly remember all the way back to your first day of school.

You are a Red Roomer now, the oldest class at school.

 

This is a source of tremendous pride and, of course, a highlight is that you are allowed to go to the bathroom by yourselves. There is a rule that you often remind me of "No tea parties in the bathroom" but I still suspect that you enjoy going there on pretty much a daily basis. You have been doing such a stellar job in school this year. Robert, your Silver Room teacher was joking with me the other day that you are double majoring in Silver and Red because you are obsessed with going to visit Beryl (your last year's teacher) before and after school everyday -- or as often as we will allow. You really have a very special bond with her. For Hanukkah, you wrote cards to all your Red Room teachers saying "Thank you for being my teacher" or "I love you because you are my teacher" and then you wanted to write notes to your former Silver Room teachers as well saying "Thank you for being my last year's teacher." Robert said that you were the first former student ever to be included in the teachers' Hanukkah packets. You and Daddy walk up the stairs (seven flights) every day and you are keeping all of the stickers you get as a reward from the school office on a chart at home. At our parent conference in November, your teachers told us that they don't know how we divest ourselves of you and allow you to go to school each day and I know what they mean. I miss you so much when you aren't with me. But you are still a great reporter and share much of what goes on each day. It is always so much fun to hear about your job-- you tell me, for example, with such enthusiasm, "Mommy!! Guess what? I am the vacuum cleaner this week!" You are simply so excited about EVERYTHING, your joy for life is one of my favorite things about you and I am going to do everything I can to help you hold on to that. It is amazing.

 

You were also the first person to bring home the letter box and we had such a fun time looking around the apartment for all of the things we could find that start with the letter T. We put in a t shirt, toothbrush, telephone, toy, trumpet, trophy, tape and a few other things. Some other Red Room highlights include the Red Room song which you love to sing, "Girls rule, boys drool.", Zeebo, your Native American headdress and the rain dance song which you performed with great enthusiasm in our living room (complete with shaker), and Blue Bubbles, the fish that died and was then replaced by George and Isabel. You were not happy that the fish was named Blue Bubbles because there had been a vote and "Rainbow Cake" got your nod of approval. You love to bring Vivian in to the classroom at pick-up or drop-off and show her around.The Red Room Hanukkah party was so much fun.

 

We loved watching your sparkly eyes as you sang songs with Jody and then showed us all the special things in your classroom. You were especially excited about the cake your made shaped like a giant menorah with sprinkles all around.

It is so nice right now on Winter Break to just have you around all the time, to wake up in the morning and just think, "What should we do today?" rather than have to rush to get dressed, eat breakfast and get you out the door on time.

We have been applying to schools for you next year and it has been such a pleasure because you have been enthusiastic and easygoing about all the visits. The whole thing has gone really well and I think they loved you at many of the schools you visited. You did have a stomach ache when I picked you up from the Red Room for one of your visits. I told you we would just go, do the visit and then go right home -- that you could skip the birthday party you also had that afternoon. You said okay. We hung out for about an hour -- going to a toy store, having a little snack and walking near the east river -- until it was time for the visit. The minute we walked into the school which shall remain nameless, you threw up everywhere. Like a totally huge, surreal amount. You were so very sick. And then you remained sick for about four horrible days. Daddy and I cleaned up a lot of throw-up. For the record, you picked the right school to be sick at -- it was one Dad and I did not like so much for you. Although you did go back and do a fine job there a few weeks later. On the re-visit, you asked Daddy (who took you) if he liked that school and he said he did. You answered, "Oh, because Mommy said I threw up at the right school." You have a very good memory and you listen to everything we say. This is a great quality but also a dangerous one for a mom and dad.

We just got two fish to replace the many that died last year and you have named them Isabel and Swimmy. You do not like it when we call Isabel 'Issy" so we have stopped doing that. So far you are a very good Fish Mommy and you enjoy feeding them, testing their water, etc. You have been a little bit angry with Isabel who seems to chase Swimmy around the tank and rushes to eat fish food before Swimmy can get to it (although there is plenty for both of them). Every morning you ask excitedly if you can feed them and then you do so. You have also decorated the shelf where we are keeping the fish tank with lots of little pictures so that the fish have a happy environment.

 

Daddy told me a funny thing you said. Last week we had to have Juan, our super, come up into our apartment two days in a row to fix some things. Then on the third day, you guys saw him in the elevator and you turned to Dad and said, "It seems like we have been seeing a lot more of Juan lately." These are the kind of cute observations you make on a daily basis.

You had a sleepover at Grandma and Grandpa's so Daddy and I could go out for our anniversary. I was a little bit dressed up and Grandpa Paul said as I was leaving, "You look beautiful." You answered, "Mommy always looks beautiful" which just made me feel so good. I feel the same way about you.

At the very beginning of your holiday break, we took a family ski trip to Okemo where you skied for the first time.

 

We got you a few private lessons and you did really well and totally loved it. Your instructor, Libby, LOVED you so much and told us that you were the best beginner she had ever taught in 17 years of teaching skiing. They had a thing at the hotel bar where you could order 'smores and you got a little sterno fire with all the ingredients to make your own. You were a phenomenal smores chef and took great pride in your ability. You also got a caricature of yourself done which looks absolutely nothing like you. We all had a good laugh about that.

We had a wonderful holiday season including a trip to visit Santa at Macy's. Mrs. Claus was there too.

 

You are still a big believer in Santa Claus although you ask lots of questions about him. "Is there just one Santa for everybody?" "How do the elves make all the toys?" "Is Santa a regular person?" You were very interested to know whether the Santa at Macy's was the real Santa. I also had a video email sent to you from the portable North Pole and it included a picture of you on the nice list in Santa's book. You were so happy to see yourself there and, because he had a picture of you, you determined that it was the real Santa. However, you were a little surprised because he had a very very long beard -- much longer than the Santa at Macy's. I am not sure how you synthesized all of these things but you did somehow. Santa at Macy's told you to leave cookies and milk and carrots for the reindeer which you did. In return, he left you a dog that walks (which you wanted SO much), Spin Art, a bunch of work books, a kit with science experiments including a rainbow volcano and some other things. I filled your stocking with lots of silly bands and some bookmarks. You were so excited when you went to the living room and saw all the presents and so enthusiastic opening your gifts. Several times you declared it, 'The best Christmas ever!" You and I also took a gingerbread house making class which was great fun and the product was pretty incredible. You worked so hard and meticulously on the candy corn roof.

 

A few days after Christmas you got so sick with a super high fever and a really bad headache. You could barely get out of bed and we were not able to do all of the fun things we had planned. Thankfully, you are feeling better now but it was sad to spend a whole week of your school break sick. I held you a lot.

Daddy and I agree that you are the most fun kid. You are great company, so cooperative and kind and intelligent. We love being with you and seeing things through your eyes. You have become a bit obsessed with the Rob Ashford "Annie" and have been watching it kind of a lot. At night, we sometimes put on a song and you will do a dance show for us. This is a highlight of my life -- watching you jump around the living room and all over the furniture dancing to songs from Annie (or songs from anywhere). You have great moves and such exuberance. You know all the actors in both the old "Annie" (the movie) and the Rob Ashford one. The other day we were in a taxi and the Taxi TV was on and you saw an ad for a new TV show. You said, "Oh look, Mommy. Kathy Bates." and you were right. You really really want a playdate with Victor Garber and Kathy Bates. I'm not sure we are going to be able to arrange this but you sure are hoping. Victor Garber is really one of your favorites because he plays both Jesus ("Godspell") and Daddy Warbucks.

I would be remiss if I did not also mention that you are an extraordinarily good big sister.

 

 

You let Vivian play with almost all your toys although it is sometimes hard to share your dog that walks.

 

It is a privilege to be your mom. I am very lucky.

Love,
Mommy