To Vivian, eight months old

This month you and I shared a birthday. You are 8 and I am a lot more than that. Happy 8 month birthday, sweet smiley daughter.

I think your most marked personality characteristic is how happy and smiley you are. It is remarkably easy to make you laugh hysterically by playing peek-a-boo or talking in a funny voice or teasing you with your pacifier where we put it in your mouth and then take it out and go "boop boop boop" as we move it closer and closer to you and then snatch it away at the last second. I admit this game sounds like baby torture but it makes you laugh so hard. Grandma Helaine invented it and was so happy when you started to laugh. In fact, I think that game went a long way towards cementing your relationship with her and you two are like best friends now. You always get so happy when you see her. And when you are happy, your whole body radiates with joy, you kick your legs and wave your arms and smile the biggest toothless grin. Sometimes happy squeals and laughter accompany this and before long Mommy, Daddy, Stella, Grandma, Grandpa -- whoever is with you -- is also laughing and smiling. It is such a great gift that you give us many times a day.

You get just this happy when we come to get you in the morning or in the middle of the night, when someone gives you undivided attention or when it is time to eat. By eat I mean breastfeed because you are still not very interested in solid food. You have had avocado, carrots, sweet potatoes, bananas, peas, rice cereal, egg yolk and a couple other things. By had I mean you have played with them, mashed them into your eyes and your hair, sprinkled them all over the high chair and floor and pushed them out of your mouth with your tongue. I'm kind of kidding. You definitely like avocado the best. And if we wait until you are really very hungry, you will eat a little bit. Then you will attack my breasts with a vengeance.

In the space of two weeks, you went from being a little wobbly in a sitting position, falling over backwards and bumping your head once in a while, to being a very confident sitter. We did have a few near tragic moments. Once I brought you into the bathroom with me so I could brush my teeth. As we walked in, I noted with anger that Stella's clothes from the night before were strewn about the floor. I put you down on the ground while I brushed and you fell over. But rather than hitting your head on the cold, hard tile, your fall was cushioned by Stella's clothes and I could no longer be upset with her for neglecting to put them in the hamper. Since that time, I have been very careful to put a pillow behind you just in case you topple. And one time you were sitting in the living room, peering into your big basket of toys. I looked away and before I knew it, you had knocked over the basket spilling all the toys out and knocking yourself over in the process. When these things happen, you cry hysterically. It seems unjust that the universe should violate you so. You still get scared by sudden loud noises. You also do not like to be disturbed while you are breastfeeding and are very easily distracted by Stella or the vacuum cleaner or any random sounds.

After you started sitting, it was only a matter of days before you were really getting around. For awhile, you moved mostly by rolling but now you are really creeping. Practically crawling. And you practice this all the time. You get up on all fours. You rock. You do a downward dog. You gaze intently at an object in front of you and move determinedly towards it by plopping yourself up and down, reaching, sliding and a little bit of crawling. In about a week I think you will be crawling with confidence. You are already so curious about things -- creeping your way over to the power surge and other lethal weapons. Why is it those things are so much more exciting and interesting than wooden rattles and stuffed monkeys? One day when I came home you were with Ranny in your bedroom and she had surrounded you with 4 or 5 of Stella's baby dolls. You looked so happy to be in the center of a circle of babies. It was so cute. You are very social. Whenever we go to a playgroup, you love to talk to the other babies, to touch them, to play with their toys. You also like to look in the mirror and I can't help but think that you just want to be friends with that other baby you see there.

You are an excellent communicator. You like to be held a lot and if I put you down when you want to be in my arms, you will let me know right away. By crying. One time you were in your high chair in the kitchen and you were really fussy. I was making breakfast and Daddy came in and we were both looking at you and talking to you and trying to figure out what was wrong when you just let out a little wail and lifted up both your arms. It was so obvious you were saying "Pick me up!" We both knew it right away and said to each other pretty simultaneously, "That was the cutest thing ever." Of course we scooped you right up and you were immediately content.

You wake up pretty early in the morning. Usually around 6 although one time this week it was a totally unacceptable 4:45. For awhile Daddy was getting up with you every morning since I was getting up a few times during the night. But then you started sleeping through most of the night, only waking once, and we began alternating mornings. But during the Daddy stretch, he worked really hard every morning teaching you to say "Dadadadadadadada" and now you do seem to say "Dada" when you see him once in awhile. I kind of don't want to admit that this is your first word but I think it is. You do not yet say "Mama" but I know you love me lots because you always give me the biggest smile when I come home or when I see you and if you are fussy and I pick you up or someone else passes you to me, you immediately calm down and return to your normally happy self.

Grandma Phyllis and Grandpa Joel came to visit us last weekend and they had such a good time with you. You were really friendly and happy to be with them after a very short period of adjustment. Grandma Phyllis especially held you a lot and we were glad that they had a chance to get to know you a little bit and that you got to know them too. You and Stella are so lucky to have four living grandparents and we really hope that you will be able to have strong relationships with all of them.

When Stella gets up in the morning she likes to play this game where she spies on us. If we are in the living room, she will literally crawl on her stomach under the dining room table and sneak her way across the apartment to the bathroom. I am not supposed to know that she is there and sometimes she really is quite surreptitious. The main thing that gives her away is the incredibly squeaky bedroom door. Then she will stay behind me and wave to you and whisper "Hi Vivian" which I pretend not to hear. The cute thing is that you stare so intently at her and smile. I always make a point of saying, "Vivian. What are you smiling at? You look so happy" which is true. You do. But I know it also makes Stella so happy to hear that her little sister is so glad to see her.

You have the most amazing hair which I think might make you look a little bit older than eight months. You also have the most beautiful expressive soulful eyes. Daddy says you have always looked at him like you know his deep dark secrets. If you do, could you let me know what they are please.

I have been really feeling like we've hit our stride. The hard times with breastfeeding are so far behind us. Your resistance to the bottle, over. I just feel like I am starting to know you so well and like we are in a great groove in our family. Things are truly perfect right now and I'm so happy with the newest addition to our family. You are such a positive addition to our lives and I'm so thankful to have another daughter.

Grandpa Paul has emerged as the nickname provider of the grandchildren and so far we have Good Heart (Clara) and Wonder Girl (Stella). Everyone has been wondering what your nickname was going to be. Two weeks ago Grandpa called you Button because you are cute as a... which I thought was pretty perfect. But this weekend he called you Top Drawer because I guess that is where you keep your buttons. I like that one too. The thing is, you just are SO CUTE.

I love you so much, Button. I love you so much, Top Drawer. I love you so much, Vivian.

Love,
Mommy

To Stella, 4 3/4

As you get ever closer to five years old, you are more and more of a delight. Watching you discover how things work in the world and how you feel about things is truly a privilege and Daddy and I are having such a good time with you.

You are an unbelievable older sister, madly in love with Vivian and so sweet with her most of the time. Occasionally you will do something a little mean -- like take away a toy of yours that she is holding -- and when I call your attention to it, you ask, "Am I a good big sister?" You get really upset if I say "Most of the time" and I've tried to explain to you that just because you say something is true, doesn't make it true. But what is true is that you are a great big sister almost all the time and Vivian always seems so happy to see you and to be with you.

You are also the world's greatest Mommy Defender. Woe to anyone who tries to mess with me. One morning at breakfast you and Daddy were talking about something that he could do instead of me and you replied to him, "Mommy can do it. She has arms." I wish I could remember exactly what it was you were talking about because it was really funny. It was something small and easy. Like getting the maple syrup from the kitchen. Or making a ponytail. Something that Daddy was offering to do instead of me. I'm sure he was just trying to be helpful but you wanted to be sure that everyone knew that I was completely capable.

As I have probably mentioned here, you have been quite obsessed with "Into the Woods" for some time now. Daddy finally put it on your ipod so that you can just listen to the music, rather than having to always watch the movie if you want to hear it. Now when it is time to get dressed for school, we put it on and you get dressed rather speedily all the while singing the opening songs of Act One. The other day when I came into your room, you were standing on your bed frame (mattress has been moved into our room as we try to get Vivian sleeping better) and you had your little black and white stuffed dog up there on "stage" with you. I asked you if that was your dog and you replied, "No, it's the wolf." You were doing Little Red Riding Hood's song and you needed a wolf, of course.

Speaking of dogs, your little plastic dog on a leash -- a toy you have not looked at in about two years -- has recently become a favorite again. You must have sensed that I was about to pull it out for Vivian. You have even been taking him outside with you from time to time. You still love to play pretend. The ONLY pretend game I really don't like to play is where I am your dog and you pull me around on a leash and I go and smell different things and try to walk in the wrong direction and pee. Fortunately for both of us, your father is more willing than I am to play this. But we all love to play other pretend games where you are Molly and I am Lucy and Dad is John and we meet in the park with our kids.

You are a ridiculous super star on the monkey bars and a generally outstanding athlete. You've been really loving both soccer and Chelsea Piers gymnastics and it is so incredible to watch you master physical skills. You take such risks with yourself and have been able to get really focused on achieving new physical skills. You can do the monkey bars up and back multiple times, skip a bar and do the same thing, stop half way and do a flip and then continue. It is really amazing. Your Silver Room teachers call you a "bar star". Speaking of the Silver Room, it is so much fun to pick you up from school because, whenever you see me, you jump up and down - literally - and say "mama" and are just so happy to see me there. It makes me feel really good. Which is actually something you have a real knack for. You say very sweet, kind things all of the time and I know you like to make people happy which is a really lovely quality to have. Also speaking of the Silver Room, you are very adamant that Daddy and I not pack more than three things in your lunch. I finally figured out that this is because you like to save your favorite thing for last and you sometimes do not have enough time to eat it. So three things it is. Also while we are on the topic of the Silver Room, I should mention that you got in trouble at school for what I think is the first time. In fact, all the chinchilla girls were reprimanded by Beryl after you guys went to movement and were apparently really bad, doing your own thing, not listening to David or Marilyn. When you got back, Beryl brought you all into the kitchen and reprimanded you. It made quite an impact. You do love Beryl so much and she has been a wonderful influence on you this year. It has been incredible to see you blossom, to find your love of art projects, to be so excited to go to school and so interested in what you are learning and doing there.

In the morning when you get up, either Daddy or I is usually already up with Vivian who is a very early riser. You like to sneak out of your room (sorry but this is very hard to do since you have a very squeaky door) and slither across the floor surreptitiously making your way to the bathroom. Then you come back out and sneak around hiding and spying on us playing with Vivian. You try to get V's attention (sometimes even whispering "Vivian!" as though she could hear you and we can't -- which is what we pretend is happening) and when you do she invariably starts smiling and sometimes laughing as you wave to her. Then I will say, "Vivian, what are you smiling about? Why are you so happy? What are you looking at?" until eventually you go, "Boo!" and I pretend to be very very scared and surprised that you have been out there all that time and that you were what was making Vivian so happy.

You have been really enjoying watching videos of yourself and also really curious for me and Dad to tell you bad stories about when we were little. Our nightime ritual which used to involve books and then a few songs from me and one final, long-ish, made up song from Dad now includes a story from each of us about something bad that happened when we were kids. Having had relatively happy childhoods, we are both starting to really have to search for tales that meet your criteria.

The other day, we were walking down the street holding hands and I was struck by the fact that your hands didn't feel little and tiny, they are big kid hands not baby hands. Being a mom is so bittersweet. While I am truly excited to see the woman you will grow in to and to be your mom through all your growing up years, I do already miss the little girl you are right this minute. I am trying so hard to be present, to enjoy having you just as you are and to appreciate every second. I love living with a 4 year old and I know that I will only be doing it for another short while. Thanks for making it so much fun!

I love you.
Love,
Mommy

Vivian Sits

I have a long update coming soon to report on the many important developments in Vivian's life. LIke eating food. And continuing to make her mom, dad and sister burst with love and happiness. But this is just a quick update to report that our daughter can now get herself from a prone position into a sitting position.
This is a particularly exciting development because it is something that Stella basically never did. Stella went right to crawling and then trying to stand and then standing and we never really had that adorable period of just chilling on the floor playing with a box of toys. But now we do. And we could not be happier or prouder. I first observed Vivian doing this on May 11. Since then she has been working hard at perfecting the move. Particularly cute is going to get her in her crib in the morning or after her nap and discovering her just sitting up waiting for a friend.