To Stella, seventeen months old

Dear Stella,

Perhaps the biggest change in the past month occurred within me. You see, after seventeen months during which cleaning your room meant shoving all your toys into a big heap in the corner, this month I finally managed to order a shelving system that neatly houses your musical instruments, puzzles, books, dolls and other assorted playthings. You will notice that I call this splendid wall unit a shelving system. Evidently you call it a ladder.


















This is not surprising since you seem to call anything that might possibly give you a couple extra inches a ladder. Dad and I have seen you use a stack of books to climb onto an air filter to retrive a cell phone. We have also seen you use a medicine ball to climb onto a media console to investigate the wires at the back of a flat screen TV. Just this morning you used your new little chair to climb onto your new little table to climb onto your old plastic boom box/CD player to peer over into your crib as you threw a bunch of CDs and books in there. It was more fun to be able to see them land which you were only able to do courtesy of the boom box. When you accompany me to the bathroom to brush my teeth, if the stepstool is not there you vehemently declare "ladder ladder" and leave the bathroom to go find it and bring it in. You determinedly push it through the apartment on a mission to return able to successfully reach the running water with your toothbrush.

It is not true though that that was the biggest change of the month because you, Little One, are transforming massively everyday. Daddy is away in Baltimore now but before he left we were spending whole weekends all together and it was amazingly fun. One Sunday the three of us went to Nice Matin for breakfast. We usually reserve our restaurant outings for when we have other people in tow - like Grandma and Grandpa - so that if you get restless, someone can walk around with you or take you outside without leaving the other person alone. But this particular Sunday, Daddy suggested we go out to brunch and it seemed like a grand idea. You were so happy in the restaurant. You sat in the highchair the entire time trying all sorts of different foods and looking at the sleeping baby next to us and saying hi to everyone. It was such fun, in fact, that the next weekend we did it again with your Great Grandma Roz. That same day you also walked a baby marathon. I have noticed that it is rare to see very young children walking around in the city as most are pushed in strollers or carried in slings. I do still carry you in the ergo a lot but we have not had much luck with the stroller. Most of the time you resist getting in it with such ferocity that I abandon the mission. In truth, I don't really love them either as I find it awkward trying to open a shop door and get the stroller inside and annoying to have to constantly apologize and say excuse me as I try to maneuver around. Every so often they are an evil necessity but this particular Sunday, you, Dad and I ventured out without one and you were so happy to just walk and explore the streets. It is nice to move at your pace because you notice all sorts of things that Daddy and I would just pass by. Several times you excitedly pointed out letters to us like the "A" and the "S" in the window at Staples. At one point, just after we turned the corner on Broadway, a woman came up to us with a sharp, "Excuse me." (Daddy and I conferred later and remarked that we had both thought that what was coming next was going to be a stern talking-to about the dangers of having a 17 month old walking by herself - the fact that it would only take a second for you to run out into the street -- or a complaint that you were making it more challenging for the people behind you to get where they were going in a jiffy. My heart started racing as I don't like to be scolded.) "You have 2000% cute there," she said. Phew. I wouldn't have put it quite that way but it was certainly true.

Shortly after we moved to suburbia the Upper West Side, Ranny met a mom on the street who had a little boy just one month older than you. Ranny told me that you guys were going to play together but I was a little bit skeptical as oftentimes I think moms don't really want to schedule playdates with babysitters. However, the very next day I came home from work and Veronica and Simon were in our apartment. It was so nice to meet them and since then, we have spent lots of time with our new friends - going to the museums or the park or to each other's homes. It has been really fun.













Whenever we walk by their building you call out "Timon. Timon" as though he were the Athenian Lord. When we are looking through one of your little books that have pictures of babies and you see an Asian boy you point and declare him to be "Timon." When I ask if you would like to go to the museum, your reply is generally "Yeah! Raca! Timon!" (Translation: "Yes, please, Mother. I would so enjoy seeing Veronica and Simon.") Sadly, Veronica and Simon have gone to Los Angeles for a month so we won't see them for awhile. I have tried to explain this to you since they only left yesterday and you have already asked for Timon about sixty times. When I tell you Simon is away, you immediately ask for "Raca". We are going to miss them a lot. Thankfully they left behind a photograph of the two of you together which is prominently displayed on your bookshelf and I'm confident that you are not going to forget your little friend during his absence. You have already given that picture lots of kisses.












I am really enjoying getting to know you and seeing your personality emerge. Now that you are talking so much and understanding nearly everything it is especially fun. I love the relationship that we are developing and feel so lucky to be your mom. You make me feel like I am doing a pretty good job even though your fabulousness probably has very little to do with me and everything to do with who you are at the very core. You have started putting two words together as in "All gone", "Daddy's wallet", "That one's sleeping." You ask for what you want by name as in "cheese" "cracker" "ball", "fire", etc. You still call Grandpa "Pa Paul" but Grandma has become "Helaine". You talk about Helaine all the time now and are equally excited to call her on the phone as you have been about Pa Paul for months now. You know zillions of words and your vocabulary seems to be growing exponentially by the day. Your new favorite book is "Where the Wild Things Are", your new favorite song is the alphabet with Happy Birthday a close second. You already have an opinion about what to wear and you particular like your shirts that have "parkles" ("sparkles") on them. You also like your slippers with the eyes even though they are almost two sizes too small. It is hard to get your monster feet slippers on you though we do manage it from time to time.
















You love to laugh and do it often. You continue to be amazingly adaptable and easygoing. At Jill and Jason's wedding this past weekend I had to leave you with a babysitter you had never met before that day. At 7:40pm (just as the wedding was starting) my cell phone vibrated. I couldn't pick it up because the bride was about to walk down the aisle. I glanced at it, though, and saw that it was an unfamiliar number, surely the babysitter. My heart sank imagining you arching your back and crying hysterically as you are wont to do from time to time. As soon as the procesion was over, I ran out and checked my messages. It was, indeed, the babysitter but she was calling to tell me that you were sound asleep and everything was fine. I should have known as that is much more in keeping with who you are than the tantrum-thrower who occasionally body snatches you.


As you know, the evil Body Snatcher was very much present the first week I came home from Mexico. Daddy didn't really get to meet her since he had to directly to San Diego and we had already performed the exorcism by the time he came home. It was unbelievably difficult and guilt-provoking as I felt you were completely justified in being confused and angry and clingy. But I also couldn't help but think "Who are you and what have you done with my daughter?" or "Oh my god! We went to Mexico and broke Stella!" But in truth a few days of love and attention and holding you a little more than usual was all it took and you were back to the girl I knew before we left. And, in a way, it was nice to know that you missed me and that it isn't necessarily okay for us to go away and leave you -- even with your grandparents who you so clearly love enormously.

But I also think that you are really beginning to know and understand that even though I have to go away sometimes, I will always come back to you. You and Daddy are my home and that's all there is to it.
Love,
Mama

Drive

Before having Stella I actually spent relatively little time with babies and young children. To be totally honest I think I didn't really like kids all that much prior to August 2005 when my eyes were opened to their greatness. And then I became one of those women who was magnetically drawn to all children and babies. However, my lack of prior experience with the species means that I have nothing to compare my own little girl to. Thus, I am able to think, without a doubt, that my daughter is advanced, unique and, well frankly, possibly the Messiah.

But seriously...Whether this is unusual or typical, I think it is super cool:

The other day Stella and I were walking home from our neighborhood coffee place (where she actually sat in a chair across from me rather than on my lap as she usually does). On the way, there is a relatively steep slope that leads to a small private garage. When we walked past it, Stella wanted to go down the slope even though I warned her that it was pretty steep. She was determined to do it, though, so I held her hand and we walked down together. When we got to the bottom she said "gen" (translation: again) and we walked up the few steps to the street. This time she wanted to go by herself without my help. She started down the slope but as it grew steeper, she gained too much momentum and took a pretty hard tumble. While she wasn't seriously hurt, I'm sure it was at least a slightly painful on her little palms which took the brunt of the fall. I picked her up explaining what had happened and started to walk away with her in my arms. She looked up at me, tears in her eyes, and pleaded "gen. gen." Could it be that she wanted to go back and do it again? Do it better? Do it without falling? That she wanted to give this daring, death-defying feat another try? I wasn't certain so asked her "Do you want to go back and do it again?" and she practically shouted "YEAH!" So of course, we returned and she went down that slope successfully about 17 times. I love that falling, hurting herself even, doesn't deter Stella. If anything, it strengthens her resolve to conquer whatever stunt she is attempting.

Reports from the Front

I have been using email - or a version of it - since 1989. It was an beloved campus-wide mode of communication at my college called Blitzmail. It was great for making dinner plans with a friend or communicating with a professor but in the ensuing years my love for it has only grown and never was it so pronounced as when we were on Isla Mujeres. It was such a pleasure to get an email from one of my parents knowing it would contain an update on how our little one was doing. Highlights from our correspondence follow. I think one day Stella will be glad to read about her first extended stay with the grandparents.

From: Grandpa
To: Us
Subject: (no subject)
Thu, Jan 4, 2007 9:10AM

Wow
You didn't really tell us the full extent of the waking up personality of your fabulous daughter.
That was fun
And ultra loving.
Up at 6:30 with a little call and Mom was there in two seconds
then we had an hour and a half, mostly in bed of laughing, talking, practicing new words, bottle of milk, picking out clothes -- she chose cat with a sparkly cat on it and black trousers
3 eggs and some bread -she fed herself with a spoon fairly adeptly, to applause
and a grin and giggle
Helped with the papa ablutions
tasted tooth paste
would not touch the shaving cream
wanted no part of the shower
and then
went to my drawers and closet to pick out clothes
Wound up with a striped shirt and clashing polka dot tie.
I hated leaving and stayed until 9;15.
Mom called to say your girl was on the swing for 45 minutes and had no intention of getting off--
"Higher, higher"
Score to date:
0 cries
0 falls
0 problems
3 "mamas" just before bed last night

From: Grandma
To: Us
Subject: Update
Thu, Jan 4, 2007 9:14AM

Hi Darlings,

I am having the best time imaginable today with your angel. Since the weather is so warm we spent the morning in the park, and Stella was quite sociable, and tons of toddlers were there. She traded the use of her bicycle for a little stroller containing a doll with eyes that opened and shut and she pushed that baby everywhere for at least 15 minutes. We then went on the swing where no one else was so after trying every swing because Stella asked to (Grandma is a pushover!) I realized that she has mastered the word "higher", and I pushed Stella for 45 minutes before she did not say, "no" when I suggested getting off the swing. Fortunately all the babysitters were socializing in the play area and there was no competition for the swings.

We came home when Stella started yawning and we read tons of books, and the new jungle book has a scary looking pop up tiger, so Stella kept saying no to the tiger, shutting the book, and then returning to that page over and over until she felt comfortable to touch the tiger. Then she put the book down much more "done" with that book for now. It was so adorable.

She is an angel, so lovable and easy to explain things to. This AM she got up at 6:45AM which sounds a lot later if I say almost 7AM which is how it felt. She is napping now, and after our busy morning outside she went to sleep easily.

Hope you are having a fabulous time. She is and we are so plan another trip!

From: Grandpa
To: Us
Subject: (no subject)
Thu, Jan 4, 2007 5:31PM

Dinner menu for the gourmet
Noodles and meatballs from home
Knickerbocker:
Caesar salad
steak
creamed spinach
onion rings(many)

Tonight's bath was brought to u by
chocolate covered cherry( no interest in the cherry)
hand fulls of shampoo
30 minutes of giggling and playing quietly with the rubber animals mostly under the water

bed at 7:27 and asleep in 9 seconds

Beauty loved walking curiously around the restaurant by herself staring at people.
They think she was named after the beer

mother's story of her kissing your picture is delightful

If you want to stay there and found a theater company, we will take care of Gentle One

From: Grandpa
To: Us
Subject: (no subject)
Fri, Jan 5, 2007 5:37AM

HI
HI
WOW
well maybe the onion rings were a mistake.
Miss Wonderful woke up at 3:30
and was a little grumpy.
H took her to our bed and she got playful for a half hour
the slept cozily until 7:30
She is such a nice person

Did u know she likes to read?

From: Grandpa
To: Us
Subject: (no subject)
Fri, Jan 5, 2007 11:10AM

this morning as I was leaving
H " do you want to change your diaper"
S " yah"
and she trots from the front door to the changing table.
Words are coming fast.

Sleep no problem
Last night was maybe a little missing mom and dad

will try french fries tonight

What fun

From: Grandma
To: Us
Subject: (no subject)
Fri, Jan 5, 2007 6:22PM

Hi Darlings,

Stella slept until 7:30AM this morning although she woke up briefly at 4AM. She went back to sleep quickly though and so did I. She is having a fabulous time with us, and she is incredibly enthusiastic about everything we suggest. I asked her today though when I came home if she wanted to play with me and with bright excited eyes she responded Pa Paul (a few hours before Dad came home). Stella understood that Dad was at work, and she and I played with puzzles, blocks, and books. We waited for Dad eventually in the lobby, and she was happy to do that in socks.... She has mastered this apartment, knows where everything is, and is never more than a foot from her ladder.

Clara came over tonight at 6:30 PM (after seeing Charlotte's Web with Steven) and the girls were precious together. Stella went into our bedroom and got her shirt that matched the one Clara was wearing and came back into the livingroom with it and asked to put it on. I followed her into the bedroom, but I did not help her, it was amazing. Stella was so cute at bedtime. She said, "no" to the pacifier! But after three books (she now loves our jungle book) she quietly went into the dark bedroom with me and let me sing to her. She was grumbly, refusing a bottle, asking about Clara, but she eventually understood that it was bedtime. It was 7:15PM. We have been sticking to her schedule very well.

So, how are you? Are you enjoying your vacation? Give us news from Mexico.......

I love you both, and we are madly in love with Stella.

From: Grandma
To: Us
Subject: (no subject)
Fri, Jan 5, 2007 6:26PM

Stella kisses you and David in the photographs....good idea to have brought them. She has not cried at all....except when I tried to buy her shoes! We rapidly left the store (she was right, no new shoes were in and the leftover winter shoes were ugly).

I love you and I am crazy about SQ.

From: Grandma
To: Us
Subject: (no subject)
Sat, Jan 6, 2007 4:29AM

7:05AM straight through the night. We got up, about ten minutes ago, she and I, Dad is still sleeping, and it is exactly
7:28AM as you see on the computer.

So, very funny is that we have a new Maurice Sendak book called, "Mommy", and this morning we discovered that one of the adult monsters has a pacifier. Well, Stella laughs and laughs at that page, and loves it so much, and it does not make her ask for hers.

I love you. Hope you are still having a good time.

From: Grandpa
To: Us
Subject: (no subject)
Sat, Jan 6, 2007 11:00AM

It must be in her blood but your smartie climbed up all the steps at the Metropolitan Museum
and then
up all the steps up to the second floor
the guards loved her

We think she clearly favored Cezanne over Van Gogh
Gauguin a bit racy
and would not spend a second in the stroller

destroyed grapes and avocado and then asked to go for her nap @ 11:40
asleep in ten seconds and still sleeping at 2 PM.

Two syllable words are coming easily

and the love for books extraordinary.


From: Grandpa
To: Us
Subject: (no subject)
Sat, Jan 6, 2007 6:29PM

Triple Wow
Well treasure is in bed as of right now
about 9 PM
oops
two hour nap and then wakes up laughing
very little chicken soup and then "good grief" a whole sliced banana fed piece by piece by hand, by grandma:
now that is an act of love. The two of them are very bonded. A blessing-- because I think Stella is now missing her mom and dad. She gets a little cranky and teary on impulse with no apparent cause.

David. You got what you wanted. An athlete. Tough and daring and very coordinated. Rode her three wheeler all the way to Tompkins Square Park. Had an adventure on steep steps, sharp inclines and then that bridge that wobbles when you run on it. Tough East Village kids and she hung in there with poise and bravery.

Dinner was three hours short. Not a difficult minute with Treasure. Clara and she hung out together. Ate noodles galore. The highlight for Me---going shopping on Avenue A after appetizers-- with the two of them. It started as a break and ended as an adventure. In the window of a speciality shop hung a red shirt with the lettering, "kiss me its my birthday." So we went in to buy one each for Barry and Helaine. Then, Bingo.
Eyes light up. In the back, a whole section of kid shirts. The two of them went shuffling through the racks--
and picked out two identical pink tee shirts, with spangles--and wore them out. What a show.

Home to bath and bed.

What a girl.

From: Grandma
To: Us
Subject: (no subject)
Sat, Jan 6, 2007 7:45PM

Hi Darlings,

We had the best time today and tonight, and we did not even miss you that much because if you had been here we would not have had the same amazing experience with Stella. We went to I Coppi tonight at 5:30PM with Barry's family, grandma, and Steven's family. Dinner went later than planned, past 7:30PM, but we had lots of food, courses, etc. so it did not seem that long. Stella ate up a storm, loving thin crust pizza, penne, and lamb shank (no vegetables I know, but during the day today she had avocado, carrots, raspberries, banana, sweet potato, and grapes. Clara was so caring of Stella tonight at dinner, and wanted to sit on my lap too but easily understood that Stella was doing that, and it would be hard for Stella to eat if she sat there too. Stella happily sat with Aunt Sonya for a while, and after a few minutes with Sonya, Sonya brought her to me saying that Stella needed a diaper change, and did she ever! We put towels on the floor in the ladies room (Stella and I)and Stella was so cooperative as I changed her (fortunately I was prepared). I got the feeling that Stella was so appreciative that she did not have to stay in poop. She LOVES me so much now, after these days of caring for her, and she and I have had a fabulous bonding experience (obviously I love her up to the sky too, although I thought I did before too. I guess the sky got higher). Dad and I keep telling Stella about both of you and she smiles with her beautiful loving eyes when we say Mommy and Daddy. She knows Mommy is Carolyn and Daddy is David. She is incredibly precious and gentle.

Before dinner Dad, Stella, and I went for two and a half hours to Tompkins Square Park to the playground, and Stella was an athletic dynamo. She climbed and climbed like a two year old. Other parents are amazed, and we were proud of her too. We laughed a lot because when she is about to fall with her daredevil attempts, as you catch her, she laughs, having fun, but we have lost a year of life. She still has little fear, but sadly we remain cautious and protective. We are thrilled to be returning Stella to you (so far! one day left) with NO BLACK AND BLUE MARKS, NO WOUNDS, she never fell or hurt herself, and she has NO COLD. We think she is 100%, and we know that Stella has had fun. We indulged her a bit since we are grandparents (but not with junk food; she had almost no junk food). We had summer-like weather on our side which helped us play so much outside and have amazing fun.

Glad to hear that you are having a good time on vacation. We miss you, although I guess that barely comes through in this e-mail! Honest, we DO miss you.

I guess Dad told you we went to the Met this AM with Stella because I really wanted to see the Ambrose Vollard show and it closes on Sunday. Stella was incredibly excited to climb the steps at the Met, and she was interested in the paintings for about half an hour which gave us enough time to see the show. Then she wanted to push her stroller, and we thought the Met was not the place for Stella to show off her athletic skills. She never sat in the stroller, not even for one second! I don't know how Ranny gets Stella in a stroller. With me she says no, as if I am trying to harm her painfully by even suggesting that she would consider doing something as passive as sitting in a stroller. No problem, after 30 minutes we had seen the show well enough for me to have gotten out of it much of what I wanted to....

We are glad that you are having a good vacation, and you can go away anytime because we are in love with our precious Stella....

From: Grandpa
To: Us
Subject: (no subject)
Sun, Jan 7, 2007 4:02AM

Treasure got up at 6:15
we are reading so I have to go
but
she is asking for her mom
and we have been talking about you

jch ikcv khhhiiiiii j iijjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjj ddDoDOoooooi g g iii i
if himom


From: Grandpa
To: Us
Subject: (no subject)
Sun, Jan 7, 2007 4:04AM

AFT f Tk3. cvv

oo
[[ ppp , ppp ftpp


I guess the last one and a half were from Stella herself.

Home

The resounding silence on this blog for the past week is a direct result of the vacation that David and I have taken from all aspects of our life. On the evening of January 2 we deposited our sixteen month old treasure with my parents and on the morning of the 3rd we headed to Isla Mujeres, a small island off of Cancun. It was our first time jointly away from our little girl and we had a goddamn great time. We did miss her terribly, though, and email correspondence between Mexico and New York was a thrice daily (or thereabouts) lifesaver. Thank god, as well, for our trusty Blackberrys since we couldn't work the wifi in the hotel.

This morning, I picked Stella up from Grandma and Grandpa's and she was understandably a tad hostile. She pretty much ignored me for the first ten minutes. When I first walked into the library where she was hanging out, she just stared at me, came about halfway towards me and just stood there. I knew that she was probably quite confused. Though we tried for days before we left to explain to her that we were going to be away for a little while, there is no way she could have fully grasped what the hell was going on. After a minute or so staring at me, she returned to the bookshelf and took a book down, handed it to Grandma asking her to read. While Grandma read the book, Stella just stared at me. I tried to be very calm even though inside I was wondering whether she was gone from me forever. She warmed up to me ever-so-slightly but, truth be told, it wasn't until both my parents had left the apartment that we were really able to restore our friendship. She is back home now, napping with two pacifiers and George (her favorite Curious George stuffed animal) and I think she is over her anger and annoyance. It was actually a fascinating scene and I expect will be replayed somewhat when David returns from San Diego on Wednesday. I know she had a great time without us but it must have been so strange and confusing for her. My mom is a shrink and she reassured me that it is a really good thing for her to know that we can leave and come back but I'd be lying if I said it was easy. Tooling around Isla Mujeres in a golf cart and drinking tequila was easy. Coming home to a daughter who just may love you a little bit less was hard.

It was definitely good for the marriage, though, to get away for a few days.

Happy New Year

Stella spent her second New Years Eve asleep at Grandma and Grandpa's house. Tonight she shocked her Dad and me by repeating something that sounded an awful lot like "Happy New Year" complete with our festive inflection.

Happy New Year from all of us.