To Stella, sixty seven months

While in so many ways you are really grown up now, you still have plenty of adorable. Recently, we all went to the Transit Museum in Brookyn. On the way, we were waiting for the subway and Vivian was asleep in her stroller. We decided to play a game where each person would say one word and together we would create a story. We were telling a story about a monkey and a princess and at one point, the monkey was in a tree and the princess (named Stella) went looking for him. We got to a very exciting part of the story where the princess and the monkey were separated and the princess went looking for him. It went something like this "the princess went to the forest to find the monkey..."
Mommy: But
Stella: the
Daddy: monkey
Mommy: was
Stella: int
Daddy: there
Daddy and I had to fight back our laughter.

Speaking of the Transit Museum, I think we were all slightly disappointed -- it wasn't THAT amazing. And Vivian fell asleep right when we got there and missed the whole thing. But we had a lot of fun anyway. You loved pretending to be a bus driver and an MTA worker selling tickets. I'm always so impressed by how well you take turns, wait your turn and share with other kids. You were really respectful of all the other children at the museum and I can't say the same for all of them. The most fun part was probably seeing all the old train cars. You pretended you were a musician singing for the people in the car and also a person sleeping in the train.

This month, seemingly out of the blue, you started saying "I'm sweating like a cinnamon church." Daddy and I could not figure out what you were talking about. You told us it was something you heard in the "Princess and the Frog". Your very clever father finally figured out that it was "I'm sweating like a sinner in church." Believe me when I say, we aren't correcting you on that one. It is too adorable every time you say it. You still sing "Friday is a special day. There are three blessings that you say. One for candles, one for wine. One for challah it takes vine" and as far as Daddy and I are concerned, you can go to your grave not knowing the correct words to that one. We all sing that song together sometimes and Dad and I invariably say it your way lest you catch on and correct yourself. I realize some parents consider it part of their job to teach their children whereas yours consider it their job to unteach them. Look, we know you're going to grow up. We're hanging on to cute for as long as we can.

Another highlight of the month was taking Grandma Roz to Serendipity for her birthday. Every time you and Vivian get together with my granny I just feel so happy for you guys and for her that you get to know each other so well. Also, frozen hot chocolates are yummy.

After sitting for awhile, you and Vivian got a little restless so you went together to the little store in the front and were talking to the people who work there. I got a little bit nervous that maybe you were bothering them but I figured someone would come over and say something if they were upset. Eventually, our food came and you guys returned to the table. Later, the maitre d' did indeed come up to our table. And what he said was, "I see a lot of kids in this job and I have never seen a cuter or better sibling relationship." I think he was specifically remarking on how when you ask Vivian to give you a kiss, she happily obliges.

But also just how gentle and sweet you are with her and how much love there so obviously is between you both. It is one of the things that makes me happiest in life.

During your March vacation, we went to AMNH one day to see the buttefly exhibit. On the way we stopped at Joe's so Mommy could get a coffee. I also bought you and Vivian a doughnut because they sell the ones from Doughnut Plant there. You frequently ask me if we can go to Dunkin' Donuts because it is right across the street from school but I have only said yes once. I just can't bring myself to do it. But I know you love doughnuts so I thought I'd introduce you to a real one -- rather than that Dunkin' Donuts crap. We had so much fun with the butteflies. One landed on my bag which made you very excited and should bring all of us good luck.

Afterwards, we went to the cafe and you and Vivian very happily shared the doughnut we had bought. I'm not sure which was better -- the butterflies or the doughnut. Probably the doughnut.

You have been working like crazy on your cartwheel and it is getting very good.
You really enjoy spending the first 15 minutes of Vivian's Chelsea Piers class as her "grown-up". And you also got to go to music class with her this month which was super fun. As I write this, I realize that one of the things that is most incredible about you (and there are many) is that you find everything fun. You have such enthusiasm for whatever it is you are doing. It is a really lovely quality to have and one that I hope you will retain.

Your box house made a re-appearance this month and you even slept in it a couple nights. It didn't sound like such a great idea to me but you begged us to let you and I realized, why not? And you seemed to have slept really well and definitely really happily in it.

At the end of the month, I went to Chicago for two nights. I was a little bit nervous about it but you, Dad and Vivian did just fine without me. You sent me some really great videos telling me that everything was going well and receiving them made my day. You also told me that you didn't want to skype with me because it would make you miss me more. I totally respected that and appreciated how well you know yourself.

I am really enjoying every minute of being your mom. You are a complicated, special, beautiful, kind, strong girl and I have so much admiration for you. It is a real privilege to be able to watch you grow up.

I love you.
Love,
Mom

To Vivian, 17 months old

 

Dear Vivian,

You are seriously the cutest, most adorable little girl in the entire world. Even Stella thinks so. The other day, you were trying to brush Stella's teeth but she was lying on the couch watching "Totoro" in our San Diego house and didn't really want to lean forward so you could put the toothbrush in her mouth. In her defense, she had just hurt herself doing something and I set her up on the couch with pillows, etc. so it was a little hard for her to move. I said to you, "Vivian, you can't brush Stella's teeth right now" and you just looked at Stella with your big blue eyes and said in your saddest voice, "Why????" Even injured Stella had to give in to you after that. She frequently comments on how cute you are, one time even declaring, "She's so cute I want to eat her." And that is no small praise given that you are becoming quite a lot of competition. But you two still get along so incredibly well and whenever your big sister is not around you walk around looking for her going "Lala? Lala?"

 

You are completely cell phone obsessed and your favorite thing to do is to go through the pictures on my phone. You've learned how to make a video play and to scroll through the pictures. When you get to one of Stella, you are particularly happy and sometimes even give her a kiss or pat the picture and say "Nice".

You are a great sharer and take enormous pleasure in feeding other people. In fact, just tonight at dinner you looked over and saw your monkey on the other side of the kitchen. You went 'Mon-ay. Mon-ay." and then tried to get yourself down from the banquette to go get it. When I realized that you were going to do this, I went to go get it for you and brought it over. In general we try to restrict monkey for times of sleep but I thought it was better to get it for you than have you risk your life trying to get down from your seat. As soon as you had monkey in your hand, you started to pretend feed him some of your dinner and you had the biggest smile on your face. You just wanted to share your delicious food with your precious little friend.

Speaking of delicious dinner, I am so happy that you are eating again. You were really sick for about a week and you basically went on a hunger strike. It was quite stressful for me and very sad for all of us. I held you a lot. I eventually broke down and brought you to Dr. Kligler and he thought there was a possibility you had pneumonia. We never gave you antibiotics, though, because you were already on the upswing by the time we got the prescription. Thankfully, you got better in time for us to go to San Diego to see Dad who is working on a show there. He was away for about three weeks and you missed him a lot. You often looked for him around the house and would point to my computer and say, "Dada. Dada" clearly wanting to skype with him. You were always very happy when he called us on the computer and you are delighted to be here with him now. You were pretty good on the plane and even adjusted to the time difference without too much fuss. We had a few days of 4am wake ups but you're pretty much on schedule now. You also adjusted to the carseat pretty quickly which was impressive. You are all-around pretty easy going and adaptable.

You still adore Grandpa Paul and get so excited to see a picture of him or to hear his voice on the phone.

You love blueberries. And most other foods that allow you to use your pincer grasp. On the other hand you do NOT love anything mushy or mashed up.

You have a really interesting fearlessness because you are not the sturdiest girl around but you will attempt to jump off of almost anything and it makes you laugh hysterically when you scare me with your stunts. We have started taking a class at Chelsea Piers because you were getting too active to be expected to just sit and watch Stella's class. It is really fun but once we go into the back room where there is a ball pit, you will pretty much not do anything else. You just want to get onto the tumbling track and jump into the pit. You have no fear. After Stella's class ends, we all go into the toddler gym where you also love to hang out in the ballpit with your equally-happy-to-be-there-with-you sister.

You love the playground. Especially the swings. And the slide. Whenever you do something that is fun (ie: go down the slide), the second you get to the bottom, you say "more" and go to do it again.

You are also taking a music class with Grandma Helaine and you love it so much. In fact, the last two times when the teacher said, "It's time to say goodbye", you have burst into tears. I saw it myself because Grandma could not take you last week so I got to. You were so sad when the class was over.

Your vocabulary is exploding with new words all the time. For awhile you were saying "appudi" a lot and we could not figure out what it was. It seemed like some variation on "apple" but since you say "apple" clearly, it was very confusing. Finally last week, you were looking at a candle and pointing and saying "appudi. appudi" and I realized you were saying "Happy Birthday". Grandma Helaine was very happy to have this mystery solved. It was also good timing because it was right before we celebrated your 17 month and Stella's 5 1/2 birthday. Any occasion for a celebration and a cupcake is good by me and dad so we went to Sprinkles and got candles. You were very happy until we ruined your cupcake by putting a candle in it.

Eventually, everything was rectified and you ate your cupcake happily.

As you licked the icing, you kept looking up and saying "Thanks."

You were also very happy to share it with Monkey.

Whenever anyone gives you anything you want, you say "Thanks" which I'm pretty sure qualifies you as the most polite, well-mannered 17 month old ever.

You have lots of cute expressions and gestures. For example, when you are looking for someone you can find, you will put your hand out with your palm up like "what's going on? I don't understand?"
When we ask you where your eyes are, you blink slowly a bunch of times.
When you are sad about something, you squint your eyes.
When you are really sad and cry, your whole little being just become so sad. Sometimes this happens when I put you down for even one second. Often this happens if I have to leave you. And I want you to know that I feel the exact same way!

You LOVE to read. You especially love books that have little flaps for you to open like "where's spot? Is he in the closet?" (open closet flap) "No, the rabbit is in the closet." You definitely have favorite books and ones you don't like so much. We know this because if we try to read a book you don't want, you will shout "No!" and slam it closed. On the other hand you will say "Dog" or "Mais" or "Baby" to chose one of the books that you like a lot. Speaking of "Mais", you really love Maisy books these days although only the ones that have flaps for you to open. And one about Maisy working on a farm.

You love to draw. You love bandaids. You think all my freckles are booboos. You give lots of great kisses and hugs. Whenever I come home after not seeing you for awhile, you look up at me and say "Hi Mama" and my heart just melts.

 

You are very playful and love to be chased. One afternoon in San Diego, I was trying to think of a game that would be fun for a 1 year old, a 5 year old and a 39 year old when I thought of hide and seek. Stella and I explained to you how to play by hiding in really easy, obvious spots and getting gradually trickier. Eventually we started really playing with you and me on a team and Stella on her own. We hid behind Stella's bed and waited quietly for her to find us. The rest of the time we were in San Diego, you would often disappear to that very hiding spot and wait for someone to discover you at which point you would shout "Boo".

I love having a little toddler around and am already sad that you are no longer a baby. On the other hand, it is so much fun to watch your personality emerge and to get to know you in a bigger way.

 

You've made us into so much more of a family than we were before you got here. You are my precious little angel and I am so happy to get to be your mom.

I love you so much.
Love,
Mama

Last Time Breastfeeding

I just finished breastfeeding Vivian forever. I know that it is time. She is ready to stop, I think. But I will always miss it. It is such a wonderful time of closeness and I am so proud that we have been able to go for so long, that she has been so healthy and grown so well in part due to my feeding her. It was a pretty hard won battle. From her refusal to take bottles early on, to the clicking sound that wouldn't go away, to having her frenulum snipped and then her nursing strike, to finally getting into a really good groove. And now it is over. I am going to Chicago for three days beginning tomorrow morning. And so the last feed, the one right before bed will be history when I return. I think this is the best way to do it, to just go away. When I got the job offer a few months ago I thought to myself that that would be when I would stop breastfeeding and now here we are. I never planned to go for 18+ months and I do want to stop before we get into a whole negotiation thing where she is talking and asking for my boob. But I definitely feel more than a little bit sad too. I have loved those moments of closeness and it has given me precious alone time with Vivian. I may never breastfeed a baby again. Strange to have that completely behind me now, if it is. Regardless, Vivian will never breastfeed again. A very big chapter is closed. And our daughter has taken her first giant step towards separation and independence.

Vivian loves books

Vivian loves to read. She often will come up to me, hand me a book and then plop down in my lap to be read to. I love this a lot. Tonight she was taking books off the shelf before bed but she kept pulling down ones she doesn't really like, or Stella's books so I decided to create a low shelf with all of her favorites. Goodnight Gorilla, lots of flap books, Goodnight Moon, an Elmo book that plays music, a few Maisy story books and others. Then I went and sat in the rocking chair and told her to pick some out for tonight. The first thing she grabbed was Maisy's Bedtime which she studied for a few moments before putting it back on the shelf and reaching for another. For some reason, the only Maisy story book she is into is Maisy's Morning on the Farm. She is totally consistent in the books she likes and the ones that she doesn't. And if I try to read her a book that isn't on her preferred list, she vehemently states, "No!" and slams it shut. There was something so great about just watching her examine the book, realize it wasn't one she likes that much and put it back on the shelf. And then she chose Goodnight Gorilla and so we put it in tonight's rotation just like we do almost every night. I told her to chose three others and she did so bringing them to me one at a time. After the third she climbed right up into my lap. I have no idea if she really understood and was following my directions or if she was just ready to read finally. But either way, it was super cool. And I was so happy to then sit with her and read. I love being a mom. And the small moments really are the big moments.