To Stella, 2.4

Dear Stella,

These days I often find myself looking at you and wanting to scream, “STOP!!!!!” and it isn’t because you are throwing a tantrum, whining, jumping kamikaze-style off the piano or banging on the computer with all your might. It is because you are changing so much and so quickly everyday and I desperately want to freeze you in this amazing moment in time for just a little longer. The changes are so rapid and so extreme that, I swear, when you have a sleepover at Grandma and Grandpa’s, you are completely different child when we come pick you up the next day.

A recurring theme to this blog seems to be what a big month we had and this one was no exception. Sure there was Christmas and there’s plenty to write about that. But the biggest development, the one that threatened to stop the Earth spinning on its axis, was that you have given up your beloved treasure the pacifier. On December 24, you happily agreed to decorate an envelope and mail your pacifier to a little baby who needed it more than you did. And so you drew on both sides of the envelope, put the pacifier inside, I sealed the envelope and together we marched to the mailbox down the street and mailed it away.When it was time to nap, you were a little bit sad but I held you and explained what had happened and that you were a big girl and didn’t need a pacifier anymore and eventually you calmed down and went to sleep. The truth is that about a week earlier, we tried breaking the pacifiers having heard that that might encourage you to give them up on your own but it didn’t work for us. I felt so guilty cutting the tips off but then you ended up happy as could be sucking away on the broken ones. The first time you noticed one was broken, you looked at Daddy and said in your most disgusted voice, “This pacifier broken!” but before long, you adjusted to them and finally I decided we just had to be brave and end it for good. I kept imagining you at the orthodontist when you were 13 and then yelling at me for letting you use a pacifier well beyond your second birthday. Now that the paci is no more, your naps have moved from 12:30pm until 2:00pm and putting you to sleep at night is a bit more of an ordeal. But that is all okay because you are doing so well and I know that it is really hard for you. You still ask for your pacifier all the time and it does make me sad to know that we took away from you something that you loved so much. But you don’t cry about it anymore and I think you are actually really proud of yourself for giving it to another baby. Sometimes I think about the postman who discovered the pacifier in the address-less envelope and I wonder what he thought. I bet you made a few disgruntled postal workers smile at your courage. And you have also gotten a lot of presents and treats and parties to congratulate you for being such a big girl.

Now, on to Christmas. I could write about the time Dylan and Nicole came over and we baked cookies. Or the next morning when you, me and Dad baked more of them.













Or the time Danny came over and we all went out and got a tree together.











Or all the times when we were walking down the street and you pointed out the Christmas decorations to us and asked who the big inflatable guy with the beard in the red suit who looked kind of like a clown was. I think, however, that I will start by telling you about the day (coincidently the same day you mailed your pacifier away), you and I went to Macy’s to meet Santa Claus. You got that right. Your crazy mom took you to Macy’s on Christmas Eve. Insanity. Except we got there really early and it actually wasn’t all that crowded. We waited online for awhile and finally got into Santaland and you liked most of it, were a little scared by the talking tree and very into the dancing bears and the train. Finally we got to the front of the line and you were very happy and interested in the elf who greeted us. However the second we walked into Santa’s lair, you burst into tears, buried your head in my shoulder and cried hysterically. Nevertheless, I had to have a picture:



















Santa kept telling me to turn you around so you didn’t have to see him but you wouldn’t let me. Whenever I tried to turn you around, you cried harder and buried your face in my shoulder. As we were leaving the room, another elf gave us a little box of crayons and then we went to see a puppet show that was surprisingly entertaining.

In anticipation of the gifts you were going to get, Daddy and I re-organized your room a little bit to make space for the new things – especially the incredible dollhouse that you got. Then on Christmas Eve we went to Grandma Helaine and Papa Paul’s house and had a great time. You opened plenty of presents though we tried not to go overboard or overwhelm you with too much. You got a great set of new markers which we left there for you to use when you visit. A few days later, you wanted to draw and were looking for your markers which had been moved. You asked us, “Where my markers?” and I went to show you where they were. When you saw the ones I retrieved, you looked up at me and said, “No. I’m talkin’ about the markers Santa brought me” and I reminded you that we had left them at Grandma and Grandpa’s house. A few days later, we took those markers home since it seemed that you wanted them so much. But then when I showed you that we now had the markers from Santa at home, you told me that no, those were the markers from Grandma and Grandpa’s house. You wanted the little box and I realized that you actually were on the lookout for the small box of crayons from Macy’s. You sure are specific. Fortunately, I knew just where those were and we have gotten quite a lot of use out of them.

On Christmas day, Daddy and I had kept your presents from us hidden because Daddy was going to get up with you and let me sleep late and I, of course, didn’t want to miss any of the holiday excitement. But when you woke up in our bed (where you did the last hour of sleeping), I decided to get up too so Daddy went into the living room to set up Christmas. You and I were sitting on the bed when we heard Daddy say, “Santa! What are you still doing in the house?” Your eyes grew to the size of saucers. Then when you heard Daddy exclaim, “Rudolf! Get off the couch,” you whispered to me, ‘I wanna go see” but didn’t move. It was a priceless beautiful moment.

Your vocabulary and communication skills continue to grow daily. One day this month, we were talking about something and you were saying, “nooonooo, noonooo” and I didn’t understand you. Finally you looked at me and said, “penne” and I realized that you were talking about noodles. I was very impressed with your patience with me – you never got frustrated – and with your ability to find a way to get your meaning across.

On Christmas, we went to Paul and Annie’s house and saw their little friend Birdie who is just a little bit younger than you. You had so much fun playing with him and his dog who was also around. However, at one point, you had a gingerbread cookie on a plate and the dog came up and ate your cookie. If you remember back to Halloween, you will recall that this has now officially become a recurring holiday theme for you. You burst into tears, of course, but we immediately found you an identical cookie and you calmed down. Then it just became another great story to tell and you love to hear it and to tell it.

Another big thing that happened this month was that I had to have surgery on my eye and it was a little more serious than we were expecting. When I came home from the hospital, I was a mess with a bruised eye and lots of black stitches. You were a bit freaked out at first but soon asked if you could touch it and then became extremely cooperative and sympathetic. I wasn’t supposed to pick you up and you really understood this and would often ask Daddy to carry you telling him that he had to since I wasn’t able to. On the other hand, the moment the stitches came out, you were quick to remind me that I was once again able carry you around and really why bother walking when you can just ride in someone else's arms? You noticed right away that, “your eye not black anymore” and I think you were mostly just very relieved to have your normal Mommy back again.

I tell you all the time how unbelievably much I love you and how precious you are but I don’t think I could every convey the depth of feeling that Daddy and I have for you and how much you have added to our family and to our lives. This year I told Daddy and Grandma when they asked that I really didn’t want anything for Christmas and it was true. You have brought so much light and joy into our lives that I feel like I have everything I need.














I love you.
Love,
Mommy